Where are my friends?

Good for you for taking the bull by the horns and reaching out to your friends.  By doing so you let them know you want to remain connected to them. 

Robillina said:

Yes indeed!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I agree with you j24. I do the same thing when people finally do ask about my brother. I keep my answers short because its hard to talk about it. Like you said, if someone hasn't gone through this they won't understand. There aren't words adequate enough to explain it and I don't always have the energy to try. Fatigue has been an issue for me while dealing with this. I'm a strong stubborn Capricorn but when I get tired my emotions bubble to the surface.

 I hope your Mom has lots of good days!! My brother just had to have a blood transfusion so it was scary, as every new treatment on this cancer road is. I'll keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers too. Thanks again for allowing me to feel less alone! Hugs to you.

“Cancer affects all of us, whether you’re a daughter, mother, sister, friend, coworker, doctor, or patient.” –Jennifer Aniston

What kind of cancer does your brother have, if you don't mind the questions! 

I AM SO FATIGUED! and no on attributes it to the stress I'm under. My Dad swears it must be my eating habits????? Nope. just stressed.

And I agree. I am strong, yet stubborn. I have typed out countless "Screw you for not being there for me!" texts but never send them. It's hard to feel so much emotion at once. sadness, bitterness, anger, guilt, frustration, restlessness.... the list goes on and on! 

Hope you had a good day today!!!

Robillina said:

Thank you!

I hope you had a great day too.

My brother has stage 4 brain cancer. We are in year two. He has had two brain surgeries and the second surgery left him with some deficiancies. It hard to see him struggling. He's lost some of the peripheral vision in his left eye and now his motor function on the left side is acting up. Last weekend I had to cut up his food for him for the first time. I almost burst into tears but I swallowed it back and kept smiling so he didn't feel bad about it. 

 

The fatigue is definitely from stress. Stress and the effort it takes to keep yourself together. I have to say, as much as I hate to cry, it does help to let some of the emotion out now and then. I usually do it when I'm off on my own somewhere and feeling my most fatigued. I let it out then regroup and find that I feel a little better. Another helpful trick for me is to write. Similar to your text messages. I write my thoughts down in notebooks. I don't use names or anything I just vent my feelings onto the paper. I know who it's directed at, no one else needs to know. So, I write everything down, every thought, every feeling and then I walk away and forget it. walking helps too. It gets your endorphins going.

This site as well as the cancer.net site was a great help too. It talks about coping with cancer and your emotions. http://www.cancer.net/coping-and-emotions/communicating-loved-ones/family-life

I tend to be a proactive person so I try to figure out what works for me and just do it. I appreciate your replies and I hope something I've said here will help you too.

 

Take care!

healing hugs to you

 

Isn't it so crazy how complete strangers can be feeling almost the exact same things, while the people closest to us can't understand one bit?! Funny how life works.

Just talking helps! and you definitely have helped. I get nervous to cry. If i cry, my mom will cry! I start sobbing in the shower, then try to think of ways to explain to my Mom if my eyes are red!! Oops, got shampoo in my eyes, HAH! 

She's pretty depressed, I was talking to her yesterday and explained that this is the situation we were given. We cannot change it. We can accept it and learn to embrace our new "normal." 

Your brothers condition seems to be very very hard to deal with. I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I'm not sure of the ages of either of you, but regardless... at any age.. It's just something you shouldn't have to go through. I'm glad there is this support forum. 

I think one of the hardest parts is there is NOTHING anyone can say or do to make this easier. Sure, there are little things that can improve your mood for a little while, but it doens't take away from the bigger picture that our loved ones have cancer! I still have a hard time saying it because I just don't want to believe it! 

Sunlight_8 said:

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you for what you all posted. I have felt distant from friends since my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in march.

Sometimes I wish they would just send a card, email or text, saying "how are you doing?".

Anyway, thank you for all the kind and honest responses; it helps

@Robilina and @J24: I think people who have not had someone close to them with cancer, or did not lose someone close to them to cancer often don't know what is the best step to make. I know, this sound like I am defending them, but I have gone through it myself. And I felt the same way you guys. And I was both disappointed that everyone checked out on me big time, and also angry that they are just happy and expect you to also be happy and move on. They did not understand what it means to see your loved one suffer for months, and die. Looking back, I realize they just simply did not know what is the best step. Pull you out, ask you how are you, trying to understand what they never will understand unless they experience it directly (god forbade!). Or should they call you out to meet and just laugh around while you are "bleeding" inside and wish someone heard you out. It is very very hard. I fell into a two year of depression at the time, and alienated everyone I could. It was strange as at one aspect, like you guys, I wanted to be around people, be with friends, tell them how I feel even though I know it is a total burden on them, yet, at the very same time I did not want to talk to anyone. So, I pushed everyone away, and it took two years of solitude to realize that I cannot go on living like I was, completely isolated from the society, not exchanging a word by anyone and that I need to get back up on my feet, and it is my time to get go and get the people back. So very hard. I was so lonely in those dark two years. It got often so bad I would bike (I am a kid-fyi) to the Target's parking lot, sit down by the curb, listen to my ipod and just watch people come and go to/from Target. Yes, it got that bad, and yes, I was that alone. It is very hard for us who are dealing with this, and people on the "outside circle" just don't know what they should do. It is harsh to hear, but we have to push and trudge. And if you guys want to talk to friends, tell them straight. It might make them uneasy first, but they'll realize you need them and you need to tell them your toughts, even if it won't be a positive, rainbow colored one. I wish you both the very best!!!

An unknown friend from CSN.

barbelaine1 said:

friends?

I am crying as I read this.  I am caregiver for my brother.  I share with my sister, but she works full-time so I handle much of it. (I'm retired.) I feel like many of my friends have abandoned me.  I get it.  Everything is so hard in my life right now.  I realize what a "downer" I am.  But I am so alone without my friends.  I'm angry too.  I have always been there for them.  Now, when I need the support, they can't give it.  I am scared all the time.  

I feel the same way. I would love to have some support from someone who understands. Would you be interested in emailing and talking?