All The Single Ladies

molimoli said:

To all my wonderful mother henning ,nurturing sisters

I appreciate all of your comments I feel the caring upon every word,and together you had many words.Every one had a valid point. Except circumstances sometimes dictates actions and outcomes. I embrace you all with thankfulness for taking the load off of my children by being there for me through this maze, my cup is half full because I might not have found you my sisters, what a wonderful blessing the creator carved out for me/ us.Thank you CSN, Thank you Linda (wherever you are resting )Thank you Debrajo. My children will be grateful that somebody was actually there for me through my ups and downs. They will be fine with my decision.

I have taken everything in consideration in the last 2 days, uninterrupted decision making sessions with my inner self .I have reached  final resolutions.

1]  My second opinion surgeon after reviewing all my scans thinks that surgery is dangerous  and doable ( cancer itself is dangerous, so) I picked Doable .He will engage other surgeons and come up with the safest surgery plan possible as tumor is resting on intestine  but has not penitrated.Which makes it a little more difficult to prevent damage to the colon. but a blessing it stands on its own for now. It was left too long, should have been operated on  3 cm ago. I told him the delay was not of my doing .He understands fully, surgery will never be embraced by an oncologist ,That's not what the Cancer hospitals hires them to do , That's no news to me ,but now that's spilt milk ,I move on.

2] I had already stopped by the Chemo Centre to cancel the Chemo session that was booked for me starting tomorrow Sept 8th. For that, another time,another place,maybe.

3] My children and grand children : We already share a lot of love ,hugs and Kisses  without punctuating it with sneaky worry.My kids  do not have any CURE  to offer me and I already know that  I am loved so I cannot find a justifyable reason to do the  whack-a-mole on them.They are all I have ,I  need them to be continually happy for as long as I live.

I am happy that they have begun to live again.really,really happy,We have all died before.I for one stayed dead too long.I held them back. Never again if that's in my control will I allow anything to diminish their enjoyment of the present time. Therefore,I have decided that I will not arrest their lives with this news of terminal Cancer at this time or anytime before it's absolutely necessary, neither will I arrest my enjoyment of the rest of my life with the knowledge of it.

I Have embarked on seeking out alternative attacks on mets ,especially before they appear ,It will be mostly nutritional and herbal.with necessary surgery.  Thats my resolve .

I will post my journey just in case I am happy with the outcome and if the outcome causes sorrow instead, you will all know never to take advice from me, so it's a win win,  lol and hug yourselves , we have lived, outlived many, be grateful.  My cup is half full inspite of cancer. I will always see it that way.

I leave later this week for a vacation, Don't  know when I'll return ,don't care when, I'll see.  I will keep in touch until I leave and after that I will be in touch whenever I find internet.

I didn't know it was ever possible to feel so close to  a group of people whom I  have never met, wonders never cease to happen in life, glad it happened to me.

Nuff nuff love. Moli  

Love the people the Creator gave you because he will need them back one day.

 

 

I wish you wellness and pray for the drs to remove it all without incident.  Enjoy you vacation. Rest and relax and come back at peace.  When you do decide to talk with family we will be here for you until then we all remain your support system. Trish

debrajo said:

Decission

Dear Molimoli,  I am very glad if I have helped!  I am more than glad you have come to a decission that has lifted a weight from your shoulders and given you some measure of Peace!  That, indeed, is a Blessing.  We all, in the end, must make our own choises, right or wrong.  With a plan in place comes a sence of ease and confort.  Reguardless, we stand behind you 100%!  I know some of the others won't agree with me, but I think you made the right choise not to tell the children at this time.  I did and I regret it to this day for various reasons.  One son put his entire life on hold "just in case" something happened to me.  He turned 30 a few days ago and has just now gotten engaged.  There will come a time to let everyone know whatever the out come is.  You know your family dynamics better than anyone.  Yes, they may be upset or mad, but their lives will be "normal" for a while as ours will never be again.  Please let us know how you are.  We care...so much!  Best, Debra(Jo)

 OOOOOOHHH !!  debrajo, debrajo,debrajo !  (SCREAMING OUT LOUD) how did you know that I needed to hear that.more than anything I needed some one to agree that arrested lives over such a long period 'just in case' is never a good thing for young people. We could be fighting this thing for years ,what a tedious journey for young people to accompany us on, My daughters are 27,and 33. They havent lived yet, at that age I was the life of the party,in fact I was the party. Everything joyous for my entire family happened at my home. My immediate and extended family was my life. .I lived with my three girls as a young divorced mother, we did as we pleased ,traveled whenever, some times on a whim.We had nothing or no one holding us back,  I don't want to hold them back,  I need them to spread their wings, I don't want them on guard ,I need them to be free of encumbrances, and embrace life  until I am absolutely sure it's over my one head,until then they'll be helpless unlookers with teary eyes and broken spirits .Not a good thing, I think, too young for the burden.

They just went through hell and back , I stayed in hell ,they never got the same mother back, Cancer brought me back to life and reality,I'll be damned if I am going to allow Cancer  to stop them in their tracks.Today  they both just came back from USA after having the time of their lives at a wedding there,Wouldn't they feel guilty to laugh out loud and live large if they knew their mother is alone with terminal cancer as they party ? Wouldn't family members and friends be judgemental of them  as they live their lives as young people are suppose to?  Life is short,uncertain and fleeting  they deserve to enjoy it while they can,

In my own way I will get them prepared for dealing with death and grief in an acceptable non life changing way, any death, before they know it I will have them all including gran.seeing death as part of the plan from the day of birth . because it is. The acceptance that death is possible frees us to live our dreams quickly.

debrajo , your post made me cry then took me from a 95% comfort level to a 100% comfort level with no expected regrets. Thanks for the boost.but I think we are now a team of 2, but it will pass, we will win them all back to the fold because they can't do without you and I can't do without them , lol.

Congratulations to your son, I wish him, his partner and you much happiness. He'll catch up,don't worry, you can't untell him now,let thoughts of the regrets be fleeting.

 Don't forget to brag to us about the wedding.we love weddings and their stories.

My sister,if you don't know I'll tell you now ,and if you know this is a reminder. You have created a life line for us and we love and thank you.I'll be in touch. Plenty love Moli.

ConnieSW said:

Moli

I usually try to keep my strong opinions to myself on this board because it's not possible to understand all the details in the poster's life that go into making a decision but i can no longer help myself.  Do with my 2 cents as you will, but please consider how you would feel if one of your daughters kept a health issue of this magnitude from you.

i waited till I had the biopsy results till I told my daughter.  I didn't see any need to worry her till I knew what there was to worry about.  I had to tell her on the phone as she lives some distance from me.  Despite that, she has been there for me in every way.  I think your daughter can do the same for you, even after she moves to NYC.

 

i mean well, Connie

There is never a doubt that all of you sisters here means well. I appreciate all response . There is so much more to it Connie  as you said  unless all the details are known  a clear picture can't be painted.

 Details of our lives and the prolonged pain we suffered were posted in my first sets of postings started in August of 2014.if you had the chance to read them ,maybe you will see why bad news needs to stay away from my children for a very long time. I don't  agree  with you but  but love that you care enough to respond.

In any case  'worry' is the word that I so hate to cause, No time for it  in my head or theirs but I fully understand your concern.. I have replied to everyone in a few postings yesterday and tonight ,you will get why and how I arrived at my decisions. at least I am hoping you will see things from another angle. They are lenghty postings but  I needed to purge myself of all confusion and make resolved decisions. 

Thank you for caring, blessings in abundance ,my wish for you today.  Nuff love, moli

ConnieSW said:

Jeanette

Good to hear from you.  I missed you.

Thanks, it's nice to finally be back.  I have had computer trouble since June and took a trip to Mexico to see my first new Great Nephew.  Then came back sick.  Nothing major.  Am just now getting  back to this board and catching up on the posts.

Jeanette