Mom has Stage 3b anal cancer, very fragile to start with. Any suggestions pease?

Jen82
Jen82 Member Posts: 4
in Anal Cancer #1

Hello,

I'm new to the board and very scared.  My mom was diagnosed with stage 3b anal cancer in July 2105.  She started the treatment on Monday (mytotycin & 5fu) through a picc line, radiation 5 days a week for 6-7 weeks.  I am so scared because she is very fragile to begin with and I don't know if she can fight through this.  She lost a ton of weight very fast and we didn't even think about cancer when she got sick :(  She's on pain meds and sleeps a lot so far.  I know it's going to get worse but I  have no idea what to expect.  I have 2 small kids at home (and a wonderful husband) that need me but I feel like I can't give them the attention they need right now.  I'm not sure what I can do for my mom since she keeps saying eveything is fine and she's just tired. 

I am going to make sure she has plenty of food in the house and a lot of books to read.  Anything else I can do to help this crappy situation?  she's the type to do anything to make me not worry which is sweet but I don't want her going through this alone.  If there's anything I can do to help please please please tell me.

Thank you everyone.  This board has been very inspirational!

J

Comments

  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    #2
    Jen82

    Hi,

    I am so sorry that your mom has to go through this and for the effect things like this have on the whole family.  You are kind to ask what you can do for her and she is lucky to have you. 

    I was diagnosed with Stage 3b anal cancer about 4 1/2 yrs ago. I too have adult children with young children of their own and worried about them during my treatment, as I'll bet your mom does of you.  You will surely have questions as things progress so feel free to come here with any concerns....nothing is off limits as we have all had to deal with this very personal and sometimes embarassing situation.  Spend time with your kids and husband and show your mom pictures so that she is reasurred that you are doing well.....my worry about my own kids needing me was high! If you do not have time to be with her, look for others who can help. Many communities have assistance through church volunteers or aging and disability resources to help with rides to appointments and food, etc. A daily phone call or two to take her mind off of things or just to vent meant a lot to me. I normally like to read, but found it difficult to focus for any real length of time so watched a lot of movies. As far as food goes, my appetite took a dive and I mostly lived on yogurt and cheese sandwhiches for a while. Since you said she is already frail, encourage her to drink a protien drink daily as well.

    This is a rough treatment to go through and right when I was at my breaking point....it was done!! Your mom will make it too. Please keep us posted and we will all be with you both as you get through this.

    katheryn

  • nicotianna
    nicotianna Member Posts: 209
    #3
    help our mom

    Hi J - Does your Mom live alone?  Do you live close?  How does your mom get to her appointments?  Your Mom should have a nutrition consult for starters. Taste changes, poor appetite, nausea, diarrhea, dehydration  are possible problems.  Listen to what she says.  Small portions of food served attractively are good options.  Your mom should get rides to her appointments.  ACS has Road to Recovery in many areas.  Try to visit her often.  Hope this helps.  Your family can help too!

    Nic   

  • Jen82
    Jen82 Member Posts: 4
    #4
    eihtak said:

    Jen82

    Hi,

    I am so sorry that your mom has to go through this and for the effect things like this have on the whole family.  You are kind to ask what you can do for her and she is lucky to have you. 

    I was diagnosed with Stage 3b anal cancer about 4 1/2 yrs ago. I too have adult children with young children of their own and worried about them during my treatment, as I'll bet your mom does of you.  You will surely have questions as things progress so feel free to come here with any concerns....nothing is off limits as we have all had to deal with this very personal and sometimes embarassing situation.  Spend time with your kids and husband and show your mom pictures so that she is reasurred that you are doing well.....my worry about my own kids needing me was high! If you do not have time to be with her, look for others who can help. Many communities have assistance through church volunteers or aging and disability resources to help with rides to appointments and food, etc. A daily phone call or two to take her mind off of things or just to vent meant a lot to me. I normally like to read, but found it difficult to focus for any real length of time so watched a lot of movies. As far as food goes, my appetite took a dive and I mostly lived on yogurt and cheese sandwhiches for a while. Since you said she is already frail, encourage her to drink a protien drink daily as well.

    This is a rough treatment to go through and right when I was at my breaking point....it was done!! Your mom will make it too. Please keep us posted and we will all be with you both as you get through this.

    katheryn

    Hi Katheryn,
    Thank you so

    Hi Katheryn,

    Thank you so much for responding.  Pictures are a great idea, she will like that! 

    Was there a certain time throughout the treatment that you realized you really needed people around the most?  Or were there times that you really just wanted to be left alone?  I know this is a very aggressive treatment so it's hard to know what to expect as far as side effects to prepare for and just the normal wear and tear on your whole body.

    How are you feeling now 4 1/2 years later?  It's reassuring hearing everyone's success stories and I pray everyone continues to post here because it truly does help.

    Thanks again for the feedback and stories.  So sorry you and your family had to go through this too, but very thankful you are helping others through this difficult battle.

    J

  • Jen82
    Jen82 Member Posts: 4
    #5
    nicotianna said:

    help our mom

    Hi J - Does your Mom live alone?  Do you live close?  How does your mom get to her appointments?  Your Mom should have a nutrition consult for starters. Taste changes, poor appetite, nausea, diarrhea, dehydration  are possible problems.  Listen to what she says.  Small portions of food served attractively are good options.  Your mom should get rides to her appointments.  ACS has Road to Recovery in many areas.  Try to visit her often.  Hope this helps.  Your family can help too!

    Nic   

    Hello.
    My mom is currently

    Hello.

    My mom is currently living with my aunt & uncle.  I live about 40 minutes away so not too far luckily!  She will not be driving herself that's for sure and I will talk to her about a nutrition specialists.  Thank you for your feedback.

    J

  • mxperry220
    mxperry220 Member Posts: 496 Member
    #6
    Being Alone

    During my treatment I did not want any company around.  I preferred to handle the situation by myself.  I did not want the pressure of having to act like everything was fine so my family/friends would not worry.  I was diagnosed with Stage 2 anal cancer in 2008.  I am still cancer free to date. I had 30 rounds of radiation and two infusions of mytomycin and 5FU.  I drove myself to all my treatments.  Starting with week five was a little challenge as the radiation treatments started taking full effect as far as burning was concerned.  I never had blisters just like a severe sunburn without blisters.  For me this was a time I needed to be alone and handle this situation on my own terms without any pressure/stress worrying about what other people felt.   Your mom may have this same thought.  Hope this helps a little.

    Mike

  • nicotianna
    nicotianna Member Posts: 209
    #7
    Jen82 said:

    Hello.
    My mom is currently

    Hello.

    My mom is currently living with my aunt & uncle.  I live about 40 minutes away so not too far luckily!  She will not be driving herself that's for sure and I will talk to her about a nutrition specialists.  Thank you for your feedback.

    J

    your mom

    J - That's great that your aunt & uncle are with your mom!  However, she will be needing easy access to the bathroom.  One thing I found really helpful was having a hand-held shower attachment.  Sound like your mom has some good support:)

    Nic 

  • Jen82
    Jen82 Member Posts: 4
    #8
    mxperry220 said:

    Being Alone

    During my treatment I did not want any company around.  I preferred to handle the situation by myself.  I did not want the pressure of having to act like everything was fine so my family/friends would not worry.  I was diagnosed with Stage 2 anal cancer in 2008.  I am still cancer free to date. I had 30 rounds of radiation and two infusions of mytomycin and 5FU.  I drove myself to all my treatments.  Starting with week five was a little challenge as the radiation treatments started taking full effect as far as burning was concerned.  I never had blisters just like a severe sunburn without blisters.  For me this was a time I needed to be alone and handle this situation on my own terms without any pressure/stress worrying about what other people felt.   Your mom may have this same thought.  Hope this helps a little.

    Mike

    Hi Mike! 
    Awe so glad that

    Hi Mike! 

    Awe so glad that you are cancer free - such a breath of fresh air.  I guess I'll just listen to what she says and try and be there (or not be there) if that is what she prefers.  I appreciate the feedback it really helps. 

    Jen

  • horsepad
    horsepad Member Posts: 146 Member
    #9
    I was diagnosed with stage 4

    I was diagnosed with stage 4 wilth mets to lympth nodes and liver in 2011.    It is great she is staying with family.  My husband took good care of me.  I preferred to do as much as I could for myself and didn't want help.  I drove myself to all my radiation treatments.   I have to admit I wasn't able to take care of myself at the end of treatment.  I was pretty much in bed all the time.   I was in alot of pain, hospitalized for a while and exhausted.  It lasted a couple months after I finished treatment and I slowly improved.  I enjoyoed visits, phone calls.  Your mom will be in my prayers.

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #10
    horsepad said:

    I was diagnosed with stage 4

    I was diagnosed with stage 4 wilth mets to lympth nodes and liver in 2011.    It is great she is staying with family.  My husband took good care of me.  I preferred to do as much as I could for myself and didn't want help.  I drove myself to all my radiation treatments.   I have to admit I wasn't able to take care of myself at the end of treatment.  I was pretty much in bed all the time.   I was in alot of pain, hospitalized for a while and exhausted.  It lasted a couple months after I finished treatment and I slowly improved.  I enjoyoed visits, phone calls.  Your mom will be in my prayers.

    Jen 82

    I am sorry your mom has to go through this, but I'm glad she will be staying with family during her treatment.  I hope she will allow everyone to help her.  She will need as much rest as possible, so it's great that she will not have to worry about meals, housekeeping and transportation.  I wish her all the best and hope you'll keep us posted as she goes through treatment.

    Martha

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