Struggle

Carm33
Carm33 Member Posts: 1
in Caregivers #1

My girlfriend of just over a year was diagnosed with breast cancer. two weeks after that my aunt passed less then a week after that her mother was diagnoised with dementia and could no longer live alone so we rented a house with her mother and sister as well.  We moved in prior to her surgery. She is almost two weeks post op now. At a week post op I found out that my uncle was in the hospital with blood clots in his lungs. Needless to say there is ALOT going on. Of course my girlfriend has better days and worse day. But she works in the medical field as well as I do. I have very good patients the majority of the time. on occasion when I'm exhausted I tend to get a little snippy. I know its not her fault she is recovering from major surgery But sometimes it is so hard when I get home from work then have to try to get everything done. I am very overwhelmed and stressed. Everything aside its not easy watching her go through the physical and emotional pain. It breaks my heart to hear her moan out in the pain she is in. Yet I get snippy because I'm tired. I feel awful everytime that happens Which isn't to often. She wants to do things so bad for herself that she gets cranky a mean which again to be expected. I try my to let it get to me. Instead I phrase things as "what can I do better to help you". i do my best everyday even with everything else in going through. But I'm still overwhelmed and stress. I find myself crying to and from work. Does anyone have any tips to make some of this easier to cope with. I am just going day by day at this point. Moment by moment 

Comments

  • Amanda1960
    Amanda1960 Member Posts: 2
    #2
    I get it!

    I so understand!  My husband was diagnosed with Stage IV esophageal cancer in June, 2013, and I am helping to raise my son's two year old, am working full-time supporting my household and dealing with all the insurance and medical stuff.  It is so hard to see someone you love in pain and anger, and you feel so helpless, no matter what you do.  I cry multiple times a day.  I have recently been given advice, which I will share with you.  Maybe it will be helpful to us and others:

    1.  You have to find some time, even if it is only 15-30 minutes, to do something for yourself - take a walk, read a book, play a game, watch tv, take a bubble bath - something just for you.

    2.  When the overwhelming feeling starts - stop, close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths - in through your nose, out through your mouth.  I have found myself doing this on multiple occasions per day, and it does help.

    3.  Maintain good nutrition.  Eating right will make you feel better.

    4. Drink enough water - staying hydrated is important to every aspect of health.

    5. Exercise - ok, so I do not have time to go to the gym, but I take the dog and the toddler for walks.

    6. Ask for help - this is a very hard one for me, but from time to time, I do reach out and ask a friend to cook a meal or give me a short break.

    7. Know you are not alone - so many of us are going through this - reach out and know it is safe to be real.

    8. You are allowed to have your feelings.  Sometimes we feel resentment, anger, or hurt.  We are human, we get to have feelings.  Do not hold on to feelings of guilt.  

    9. Crying relieves stress - it is ok to do it often.

    10. Journal - writing or typing out your frustrations is very helpful.

  • reddog444
    reddog444 Member Posts: 2
    #3
    Another Possibility...

    I think the ten list from Amanda is an excellant idea, many of those ideas can be used to help through what seems like a wave of pain that has come your way. One that I used during this time that I had that was similar to your experience was meditation. It seemed to give me an escape from the world even when it only turned out to be about 10-30 minutes but it was enough during a tumultious time.

    Best

     

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