Dad was recently diagnosed with lung cancer

4.5 yrs ago I was told I had 10-15 months to live.  If there is a Gilda's Club or Cancer Support Community in your area, they have support groups for caregivers and survivors.  If not check with the social worker in the oncology dept, rthey should be able to help you find a group. 

There are also phone buddy programs where patient and/ or caregivers can be matched with others with same disease, stage, general age etc.  they can be arranged through LUNGevity.org or Lungcanceralliance.org. 

On July 9th (dad's 63rd birthday) they discovered a large mass in his right lung.  Lung cancer.  Within a week and a half he was at the treatment centers of america in Oklahoma.  Roller coaster ride since then.  Tumor was the second largest his oncologist had ever seen. Spred to his brain (two very small spots) and he under went cyberknife to remove those.  Also, spred to adrenal gland.  After all sorts of imagining and lab tests treatment began (chemo).  Then two weeks ago we got the btw, we found two spots on his liver and there is a mass in his back and he's about to be paralyzed if it's not removed.  Golf ball sized tumor removed from spine and a "cage" was put in to replace the vertebrae that was removed along with the tumor.  CTCA does not give "expiration dates" and I like that but also feel in some ways it has helped put my parents in denial as to the seriousness of this. He has started running "tumor fever"and experience moments of confusion ~ then right back to reality. They are 5 hours away from home and we aren't financially able to be there as often as we would like.  I just want you to know, we too have random moments of what I call "meltdowns" when reality just hits so hard. Cancer is a terrible disease that not only hurts those with the disease but the loved ones suffering with them.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

stephie2571 said:

My dad was just diagnosed

My dad was just diagnosed last week with advanced lung cancer. I'm taking that to mean that it's stage 4, but he hasn't been told anything specific yet. He has an appointment with the oncologist this week. He was repeatedly told it was allergies and asthma so we all feel a bit gobsmacked right now. It is behind his heart so xrays didn't show it. 

 

I am a nurse so I am in the real bad  place of knowing just how bad this can be and yet having to be syrong for everyone else. I also have had the moments of heartbreak and sobbing. it's hard.

I am also a nurse and my sister who is 42 was just told via ct scan that she has a 19 mm lung mass with what they believe is mets to lymph in neck with a solid mass there that is 3 cm. they r leaning toward bronchial genie ca with mets. Biopsy and pet scan next week for confirmation. I am not an oncology nurse but am educated enough to know that this is looking like a horrible prognosis. It is beyond horrific to be able to try to stay positive and strong for her which is what I need to be. Where do ppl find the strength to support someone and know in your heart that this is really bad? my sister is my world. It is so hard to separate knowledge and hope. this is my first post here and I saw u were struggling as I am and wanted u to know that u r not alone. My prayers are with u all 

Hi Dear Mooniemine, my mother is also diagnosed in late stage of cancer this year. We are trying to fight every day. My mother reads a lot lot (tones and tones of literature in Bulgarian, Russion, English and such languages). She started to take herbs, as she decided that her body was weak to be treated via chemotherapy, when the doctors told her so. She know her body and she new that the treatment would be very dangerous at the moment, so she decided to increase her immune system, and to be able to fight with more strenghts. She is making her blood tests and urine tests very often and reading a lot to understands herown the results, since the doctors do not accept her to be someone special for them. They want to help, I am sure, but now in the way that they would have helped if that was their own mother or daughter... I mean that they care for humans, but the way I care for my mother - I can give my life for her... so I decided to trust my mother's intuition and now we are fighting with cancer using alternative treatment Still, we are looking for answers, and advices from anyone being through that... we are constantly seeking to understand what is the better and even the best solution, and how to do the things in order my mother to be healthier! So my advice is - do not give up and believe

Wishing all the best: Svetlana

Hi mooniemine how are you? My name is Samantha Whitmarsh and my mom had a very similar diagnosis. She first had small cell lung cancer and then it transcribed into bone cancer. I have a lot of experience with this and if I can give you really good emotional advice. 

1. You are not alone. -There are many people right now sobbing at the same time you are with a love one with cancer. 

2. If you are crying all the time, it's okay. -When my mom was diagnosed with cancer I had extreme anxiety attacks and crying fits. Unfortunately it took the best of me but hey? What can you do. If you feel that you need to cry or throw something, do it away from your love one. Go outside or go in a public restroom and don't think about what everyone else thinks. They don't pay your bills and you shouldn't feel ashamed for crying. 

3. Don't hold in your emotions. -This is the worse thing you could possibly do. I held my emotions in all the time because I had to be "Strong for my love one". If you need a release by all means do it. Otherwise you might say or do something you wish you never did or said. Again, just make sure your dad doesn't see you do it. 

4. Eat healthy foods. - At a crisis like this, who can possibly think of healthy eating? I hardly ever ate at all but if I did cook healthy food (vegetables and proteins) I might of fought my mom's cancer. Even if doctors say it's terminal, theres still a chance. I won't lie to you and say that doctors are 100% right. I heard bone cancer cases where people live longer than ten years. You don't have to take my word for it. Blackberries, brussel sprouts, garlic, cabbage, and turkey are good cancer fighting foods. Its an alternative medicine that people often do when they don't want to undergo chemotheraphy. 

5. Give yourself space. -Sometimes being demanded apon by multiple people can be truly exhausting. You need to give yourself 30 minutes to an hour of recreations to yourself. Play video games, listen to music, read, draw, - whatever it is that helps you keep your sanity. 

6. Learn how to pay bills. -If you already know this, please don't be offended. I lost my mom to cancer at 20 and I learned how to pay bills early. Sometimes if something will happen to a parent, you want to know all the details for survival. Pretend that you will be on your own. You never know.

7. Take all forms of help. -Ultimately, don't feel guilty if someone offers a helping hand. I know its tempting, you are thinking, "This is my parent and I will take care of them, not you", but lets face it: this is a very demanding scenario. Caregiving is hard and if someone helps you, you will not only slow down your pace of work, you will come to realize that there are sources out there for you. 

Now for the emotions. 

If you believe that sobbing right now will prepare you for the final moment, it will not. It can to a certain extent but when it hits you, it will hit you hard. I thought that everytime I cried in the shower, it would prepare me for the ultimate dark moment of my nightmares and it didn't. If you feel that you need to leave the room, go ahead and do so. No one is holding you in there and to do that would be undoubtly cruel. 

LAST BUT NOT LEAST.....

This might  either comfort you or tick you off.

If you feel that you cannot handle the caregiving because of mental instability or physical instability and you have someone that is willing to handle this, transfer it. I know that is a difficult decision to come by, but everyone has a line that represents the lowest level of "being able to handle it". When the oncologist told me that my mom wasn't going to get treatments until she got stronger, I still had hope. But when I noticed that she wasn't getting stronger and she was getting weaker, I realized that the moment was coming and I needed to leave. I moved out when her moment was coming. I honestly don't remember why I decided to take that path but I do know this much: When I left and moved in with someone special, I didn't realize how hefty the situation was on my shoulders until I got a new environment. I could sleep again, eat more and cry more. It was a huge wave of relief when I allowed my older sister to take over. You don't know how badly something affects you until you have a moment to breathe. 

Not everything is 100% true. Your dad might still have a chance, don't give up hope unless you truly feel that you are. My name is Samantha Whitmarsh and my email is whitmarshsamantha317@gmail.com and if you need any help with anything don't hesitate to email me. I usually have something that is comforting and true to say. Cancer sucks but you don't. Remember that. 

Rhondaann said:

I am also a nurse and my

I am also a nurse and my sister who is 42 was just told via ct scan that she has a 19 mm lung mass with what they believe is mets to lymph in neck with a solid mass there that is 3 cm. they r leaning toward bronchial genie ca with mets. Biopsy and pet scan next week for confirmation. I am not an oncology nurse but am educated enough to know that this is looking like a horrible prognosis. It is beyond horrific to be able to try to stay positive and strong for her which is what I need to be. Where do ppl find the strength to support someone and know in your heart that this is really bad? my sister is my world. It is so hard to separate knowledge and hope. this is my first post here and I saw u were struggling as I am and wanted u to know that u r not alone. My prayers are with u all 

Don't bury her before she dies.  I've survived nearly 5 years and I've a friend who survives 17 years now. His cancer was discovered when they found the brain mets.  

Svesve said:

Thank you dear Dennycee

Thank you very much for the shared information, I have just discussed here the breathing exercises and we think to try, but first we have to increase the oxigen into the blood because my mother has made some blood tests and there is decreased oxigen per results. So now we think to have some aparatus (equipment) to put inside oxigen and to strenghten my mother's body. We consulted that this will help her I pray and hope and believe that this will help as well. Then she said that she is starting the walking and excersises She is going out from time to time, but the stairs are difficult for her.

My mother is with adenocarcinom at the right lung with methastasis in the lymph nodes and the adrenal grand, and si in late stage diagnosed. Dear Dennycee, please, tell us at which stage have you been when diagnosed?

Could I also ask you - what type of food do you eat to feel better?

In addition, did you have body temperature rised (because my mother has) and how did you manage to help this? Was there some specific medicine? She is taking some medicine every day, but we would like to beat the inside effection (inflammation) to heal the body temperature. When she has body temperature the caughing is worse, and that is why we try to control the process.

Please, anyone if has some practice with something like this - we appreciate any kind of advices - we are trying my mother to feel better, to eat enough to strenghten her body and not to loose weight If anyone has felt better from some specific food or medicine, please, advice!

 

Thanks you, Dennycee one more time!

Wishing all the best!

Svetlana

My cancer was diagnosed at stage 4.  I did not adhere to any special diet.  I eat everything including junk food (in small quantities).  During chemo I ate ice cream every day.  

If her fever is more than 100.5 f she should go to the emergency room.  If it happens daily and its less than 100.5 it may be tumor fever.  They don't know what causes it but they think that it might be that the chemo has restarted the body's natural defenses.