anyone battling it alone?

kjana
kjana Member Posts: 30
in Breast Cancer #1

i have now read and heard a lot of stories of bc parients. however, all of those people, whether their journey ended good or bad, had someone on their side, usually husband, or boyfirnd, some even got married during the process. i honestly am a bit tired of all the same themes like how wonderful it was to have him/her, or how nice of people to bring you to hospial and sith with you during tests etc. i have no such thing what so ever. i would like to find a possibility to discuss this type od situation.

Comments

  • Kats2
    Kats2 Member Posts: 126
    #2
    Finding support......

    Kjana.....Is there a Social Worker at the Cancer Center or hospital where you're receiving your treatment??? If so, (and I'm sure there is,) I'd make an appointment with her and discuss this matter......You definitely need support as you go through this ordeal......I''m not married but have a very good friend who's been there for me......Talk this matter over with the Social Worker and I'm sure she'll find someone to help you out.......The American Cancer Association is a very large organization and I'm sure they've dealt with this problem before........Good luck finding that "special person" who'll volunteer to help you out.......Please keep us posted. No one should "go it alone." God Bless........and also Happy Fourth of July!

  • yamster34
    yamster34 Member Posts: 75
    #3
    I was there to help my mom as

    I was there to help my mom as much as I could, but at times I was just too busy with everything else. I called the American Cancer Society for her and set up rides when I could not do it. I am mentioning this because maybe then you can get a ride and start talking to someone else that is going thru it and maybe you can be there for each other. 

    I know it must be aweful not having support around you at such a difficult and scary time. Not everyone that is married or in a relationship has a good support system. I have read about people that have gone thru breakups or divorces when they needed that person the most. Just know that you can find at least some support here.

    I am praying that God brings people into your life that will help you thru this time.

    Amy

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #4
    Kjana:
     
    hugs...
     
    Denise

    Kjana:

     

    hugs...

     

    Denise

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #5
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Kjana:
     
    hugs...
     
    Denise

    Kjana:

     

    hugs...

     

    Denise

    Peer navigators and nurse navigators

    Kanja- check with your cancer center to see if they have a peer navigator program.  I volunteer at mine now as a peer navigator.  I am assigned a newly diagnosed cancer patient and my job is to be there as needed to help her navigate her way through this ordeal.  As a volunteer of the medical center, however, I cannot transport patients, but I can meet them at appontments and be there during treatments.  The women who I've worked with have said it really helped them.  Some cancer centers also have nurse navigators, but their role is different - it's clinical.

    You should also be able to find support groups to attend.  This online group was all I needed, but I had plenty of folks around.  Call the Komen Foundation or your cancer center for support groups in your area.  We will, of course, be here 24/7.

    Suzanne

  • RozHopkins
    RozHopkins Member Posts: 578 Member
    #6
    It just isn't healthy not

    It just isn't healthy not having someone to really talk to.  Who listens and at least offers sincerely to help.  I think women feel better when we off load or share.  Even if not your usual nature, they are there if needed.  I was never into the meals offered type of thing, but much appreciated the all those who asked.  I couldn't of eaten them in any case and my husband just made his own and looked after me, he isn't a very social person.  My son and daughter stood back and let me get on with it, though worried to death about me, neither could voice that fact but did so with their dad.  You kind of have to understand the people around you to understand reactions.  Now they both and hubby seem more careful about worrying me and keep a quiet watchful eye.  Bit of a reality check.  Understand the day my husband returned to work from a minor heart attack I found the lump.  So we were kind of looking after each other instead of feeling sorry for ourselves.  We all ended up a bit like a support group, I was thinking of him and him me.  The kids were more careful from then on trying not to cause us any undue stress.  Otherwise I have to admit everybody I knew were amazing, I can't say otherwise.  Even the very young little boy who passed me in a car with his mum who shouted out, 'look mum there's Peter Pan' as I was walking with my head cover on during chemo.  Had to laugh.

  • kjana
    kjana Member Posts: 30
    #7
    Kats2 said:

    Finding support......

    Kjana.....Is there a Social Worker at the Cancer Center or hospital where you're receiving your treatment??? If so, (and I'm sure there is,) I'd make an appointment with her and discuss this matter......You definitely need support as you go through this ordeal......I''m not married but have a very good friend who's been there for me......Talk this matter over with the Social Worker and I'm sure she'll find someone to help you out.......The American Cancer Association is a very large organization and I'm sure they've dealt with this problem before........Good luck finding that "special person" who'll volunteer to help you out.......Please keep us posted. No one should "go it alone." God Bless........and also Happy Fourth of July!

    thanks. social workers here

    thanks. social workers here are available fr old, poor people, and then for women who make babies then are unable to care for them. as i am yound and not  poor and i even work, i am not entitled to this care (it might be different in different countries). thanks anyway, i am sure there is help, somewhere. i found a small charity that might offer something, will talk to them.

  • kjana
    kjana Member Posts: 30
    #8
    yamster34 said:

    I was there to help my mom as

    I was there to help my mom as much as I could, but at times I was just too busy with everything else. I called the American Cancer Society for her and set up rides when I could not do it. I am mentioning this because maybe then you can get a ride and start talking to someone else that is going thru it and maybe you can be there for each other. 

    I know it must be aweful not having support around you at such a difficult and scary time. Not everyone that is married or in a relationship has a good support system. I have read about people that have gone thru breakups or divorces when they needed that person the most. Just know that you can find at least some support here.

    I am praying that God brings people into your life that will help you thru this time.

    Amy

    thanks very much. i am in

    thanks very much. i am in europe so there are not these services you mentioned, and rides are not available for ill people in my country. there are some support groups which i am not sure i find useful for me (i dont feel like sitting with a bunch of other women in a room and share stories, honetsly i do not have much capacity for other peoples stories as of now). online help such as forums might be usable though

  • kjana
    kjana Member Posts: 30
    #9
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Kjana:
     
    hugs...
     
    Denise

    Kjana:

     

    hugs...

     

    Denise

    thanks for being so nice

    thanks for being so nice

  • kjana
    kjana Member Posts: 30
    #10
    Double Whammy said:

    Peer navigators and nurse navigators

    Kanja- check with your cancer center to see if they have a peer navigator program.  I volunteer at mine now as a peer navigator.  I am assigned a newly diagnosed cancer patient and my job is to be there as needed to help her navigate her way through this ordeal.  As a volunteer of the medical center, however, I cannot transport patients, but I can meet them at appontments and be there during treatments.  The women who I've worked with have said it really helped them.  Some cancer centers also have nurse navigators, but their role is different - it's clinical.

    You should also be able to find support groups to attend.  This online group was all I needed, but I had plenty of folks around.  Call the Komen Foundation or your cancer center for support groups in your area.  We will, of course, be here 24/7.

    Suzanne

    it is nice that you volunterr

    it is nice that you volunterr for other people, always beautiful to see people donating their time and kindness! in my country there are no such programs, either nurse or other navigators. only there are some volunteers who visit patients who are hospitlaised, but it is kids or very old people. maybe it is usual that people aho are young usually have somepne, so the care goes to the ones that usually do not, like elderly.

  • kjana
    kjana Member Posts: 30
    #11
    RozHopkins said:

    It just isn't healthy not

    It just isn't healthy not having someone to really talk to.  Who listens and at least offers sincerely to help.  I think women feel better when we off load or share.  Even if not your usual nature, they are there if needed.  I was never into the meals offered type of thing, but much appreciated the all those who asked.  I couldn't of eaten them in any case and my husband just made his own and looked after me, he isn't a very social person.  My son and daughter stood back and let me get on with it, though worried to death about me, neither could voice that fact but did so with their dad.  You kind of have to understand the people around you to understand reactions.  Now they both and hubby seem more careful about worrying me and keep a quiet watchful eye.  Bit of a reality check.  Understand the day my husband returned to work from a minor heart attack I found the lump.  So we were kind of looking after each other instead of feeling sorry for ourselves.  We all ended up a bit like a support group, I was thinking of him and him me.  The kids were more careful from then on trying not to cause us any undue stress.  Otherwise I have to admit everybody I knew were amazing, I can't say otherwise.  Even the very young little boy who passed me in a car with his mum who shouted out, 'look mum there's Peter Pan' as I was walking with my head cover on during chemo.  Had to laugh.

    that is a nice story. and the

    that is a nice story. and the peter pan observation is sweet. i am really glad that you have a good support of your family, and wish you the best!

  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691 Member
    #12
    Wonderful support right here when you are alone.

    I went through most of my treatment on my own as a single mom.  My mother came to help out after the DIEP flap surgery for a couple of weeks and my daughter went to stay with her for a month while I had chemo.   While I did get a little help from my mom , there was no emotional support and sooner or later friends drifted off because they have stuff going on in their lives but were helpful if I called on them.   For the most part I went at it alone and felt very lonely.  This discussion board was a saving grace and the support was just wonderful.  I could not have done it without the support of the many wonderful woman on this board.  

    I did see the cancer therapist that we had in our oncology department, this was post treatment.   This was very helpful as well.

  • Kats2
    Kats2 Member Posts: 126
    #13
    Getting help......

    Kjana....Am curious as to exactly where you live.......??? I was very surprised to read that there are no resources for cancer patients like you....and that everything is for the young or elderly.....Maybe something could be done to bring about changes......as in establishing a Cancer Society for those to contact.......Here in the United States we have much more support.......

    I am single and live alone....but I was given the phone numbers of different support groups that I could attend, or to be matched with someone who has a similar type cancer as myself so that we could either e-mail each other, or talk on the phone.........I'm waiting for that right now.......

    I really feel bad that you don't have that where you live.......Try as hard as you can to find out about getting that emotional support that you need.....There just HAS to be some type of group or organization for cancer patients......and if not, then one has to be started......It's way overdue.......

     

    I'll be praying that you find some support.....Going through breast cancer isn't easy......I get down very often about it.....Try to get outside more and into activities that will get your mind off this problem.......and don't give up in finding that help that you need.....!!! Keep asking people, doctors, nurses, whoever you come in contact with at your place of treatment......You're bound to find "someone" who can lend  an ear or a hand......Good luck...!!!
                                               Kats2

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