Fear of chemo

I too have tiny next-to-invisible veins. Getting a port was the best possible decision for me. I kept it in only until chemo was complete as it kind of gave me a creepy feeling mentally to have this foreign thing protruding from my upper chest. With as much needle poking that occurs during chemo it was a relief not to be poked more than was absolutely necessary. It was used for blood draws, chemo and the giving of fluids.

You didn't mention which chemo regimen you will be on. I had 4 rounds of A/C and 12 rounds of Taxotere. For me the Taxotere rounds were far more difficult than the A/C rounds. Everyone reacts differently so you may not have the issues that I did. Just remember that if you have a side effect someone here has had it too and will chime in with what did or did not work for them. Chemo, while scary, is doable. My last round was in August 2010. I have seen both my children graduate from college which I didn't think would happen when I was diagnosed. You can do this.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

IRENE

I hate needles and always will.  The port was great and did its job.  Should you get any soreness after port usage, mention it to a member of staff or one of your team.  The small scar it left when removed is not visible with any scooped neck clothing as was placed  well to the side.  My four chemos went very smoothly and I drove myself after the first time.  My husband came for the first because I didn't know what to expect.  I was totally fine on my own.  I hear for many the hair starts coming out just before the second infusion.  If this worries you, get it all taken off quickly yourself, or get a hairdresser to do, it.  They will come to your home if you ask.  I knew my hair was going to come out as the scalp started to feel a little sore and tingly, nothing terrible though.  Just mentioning as it may be a relief you know what it is and explain what is happening.  Nearly everyone's hair returns perfectly well.  A lot comes back curly then after haircuts goes back to your normal type.  I loved the curls........

You will loose weight, so can afford to eat naughty food you feel you can.  I preferred yogurts and fruit candy because most have a nasty metallic taste in their mouths.  Ice cream, ice pops, ice cubes, are soothing.  Lots of water.  Keep off citrus because it will agrivate mouth ulcers.  Mouth ulcers tend to happen with the treatment your staff will advise what to do for these.  I was also lucky in that warm water and baking soda kept them at bay, this was advised by a cancer nurse.  All nails may start dying off, don't worry it is normal.  Even could drop off.  They will return, please don't upset yourself.  It is amazing how everything after a short time returns.  The hair even starts growing before last treatment, why I don't know but mine did.  

Please rest, rest, and rest more if you feel tired and fatigued.  Perfectly normal.  Please if help is offered take it especially if you have children at home.  I slept all day and night at times.  Some are amazing and keep on working throughout.  I could not have done that, exhausted.  Everything was a ginormous effort.  Then start to exercise gently and slowly.  Walk, light weights, short bike rides, treadmill.  I went back to my Yoga only when I felt able, and built up the classes slowly.  Make sure you get no infections during treatment, stay away from people who have colds etc. don't pick up pets poop unless you wear gloves.  This should be told to you.

Wigs are hot to wear, but some prefer them.  Head covers are comfy and cooler.  You can actually buy linen ones on line at headcovers.com.  If they don't suit you, you can return them unworn.  Caps do the job just make sure they are a little generous with material on the back so fit lower.  You can buy them if you look around, they are there.  These are also on line and were a good price.  In fact, I kept a few as nicer than the caps everyone wears.  In the house go bare headed and overnight, feels so comfy especially in the summer warm months.

Hope this helps.  Sounds horrible, but honestly wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be.  Things have improved greatly.

Good luck. 

Chemo is do-able.  Three years ago I was nearing the end of my having chemo.  My sequence went this way:

• imaging
• biopsies
• hearing I had cancer -- two different types
• chose double mastectomy, as I did not want to mess with this more times than I had to
• pathology reports put me at IIIA on one side and 0 on the other
• told I would need not just radiation (already knew that) but also chemo
• port put in
• chemo - 4 adriamycin/cytoxan and 4 taxol, every other week; neulasta shots day after; blood draws Fridays before my Monday infusions
• radiation therapy 33 days
• hormonal therapy

I have come to the conclusion that a person who is rather healthy overall and has few, if any, medical issues, AND has an optomistic outlook on things (for the most part) seems to fare quite well.  I had a few days of queasiness, but no nausea, thanks to my anti-puke drugs.  In fact, I didn't need those when I was doing taxol.  I did develop a cough that could be rather pesky, the last month I was on chemo; but that stopped soon after I finished chemo.

I managed to go out of town after my second infusion -- 375 miles each way to celebrate my parents 60th anniversary, a time when all my siblings would be together.  I managed to go on a four-day outing, about the same distance ten days after I finished chemo.  I paced myself, but did amazingly well.  Throughout the time I was doing chemo, I was able to get out of the house to do things like go to church or pick up a few things at our local grocery market.  I was careful to stay away from sick people.  At church, I sat in the back where it wasn't too obvious that I didn't stand when everyone else did -- and I could sneak out, if I needed to.

I say this not to brag, but to show you that you do not have to be afraid of chemo.  Do your research.  Ask your questions.  Realize that we don't all react the same way to the same treatments, as none of us is exactly the same; but you can get a good idea of what you could expect.

Hope this helps. 

Those of us who are here on this site send you Understanding and Much Love and very much hope that we also send you encouraging words....because my dear....WE ALL UNDERSTAND....  When I found my lump and then had a biopsy...and then decided to have a Lumpectomy......there was no way in Hell I was prepared to have it spread.  This was in the days before this "Oncotype" score thing...I was part of the Blue Dye Test that helped them learn about the Sentinel Node etc......but anyway.   They took out the lump and I was SURE that would be it.....so when I went back a week later to see the Surgeon and he hit me with the news that they took 19 Lymph Nodes and 6 had Cancer...it was like being hit with a TRAIN.   I knew immediately that I had to have chemo...no getting around it.  Went to an Oncologist that I did not like on a gut level...cried thruout the entire exam...went home and called that group back and told them I wanted somebody else...ended up with a wonderful Onc.....who told me I needed a Port.........which we placed before my chemo and what a WONDERFUL THING A PORT IS ***   I had 6 chemo treatments  called FAC and later 33 Radiations Zaps.  I kept my port a long long time because I was Triple Negative Stage 3B and they were super vigilant but they thought for sure it would come back....However.....SO FAR.....it has not returned... PRAISE GOD     You can go to my home page here by clicking on my name/picture to see more.  All of this happened in 2002 and 2003 ...and ever since......and HERE I AM... alive and almost kicking.   You hang in there and we send you Encouragement and Hugs and Love and Prayers for Strength and Courage.... Take this one day at a time......WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.        Glo