Why me?

God?

Please read my posts over the past years. The theme stays the same. First, I am not of any religion. I don't believe any god would make people suffer. It is not a test. And I do not blame anything or anyone for being a stage 4 cancer patient. That concept removes a major source of stress. Remember every second you worry, is not recoverable. As a result you become responsible for wasting what time you may have left. Please don't do that. Put a spin on it. Tell yourself how fortunate you are to have your remaing time available to live and love. As with any habit it takes practice. If you catch yourself with negative thoughts, turn them around. Especially in the presence of your family.

As to "Why me?" Would you be happier if your spouse or kids were sick instead? Of course not. Would you take a bullet to save your kids life if they were in the line of fire? Of course you would. Be their hero. Live forward. In 10 years you don't want people talking about how much you suffered. That makes everyone feel badly. Have them praise your bravery. Produce happy memories. Your choice.

We all experience an emotional breakdown one way or another after diagnosis. What you do about it is not up to someone else. It is up to you. Everyone here is willing to help in dealing with this. Many expend more energy supporting others than they spend on themselves. And they are not in any better circumstance. Self pity is very damaging.

We are not dieing from cancer. We are living with cancer. Value it. I hope you feel better expressing your grief. Let it go. Move on. Fox.

I'm not stage four but it was
I'm not stage four but it was quite a big Shock when I first heard about cancer. I also asked the same question, more from me than God. I'm too young for it with healthy diet, sportive and not drinker, a new bride!!!! But now after almost 10 months I think feeling pity didn't help me. I lost all my strengh and willing to come back to normal life and just felt pity for myself during first few months. But then looked at mysrlf and realized I am aluve but not living. With a help i'm recieving from a therapist i'm doing better recently. I've started doing all those little things I've always wanted to do but posponded or wasn't brave enough to do them. It feels good and makes me full of happiness and willingness to live one more day. I know it's really different when you're stage four as you're probebly on some drugs and it makes it more difficilt but I also know i could have died in a car accident 10 months ago instead of having this cancer or it could be worse if my hubby or mummy had it. It's easier to fight for yourself than to see the dear ones are suffering from pain. All I know is, We must help ourselves so please do so.

foxhd said:

God?

Please read my posts over the past years. The theme stays the same. First, I am not of any religion. I don't believe any god would make people suffer. It is not a test. And I do not blame anything or anyone for being a stage 4 cancer patient. That concept removes a major source of stress. Remember every second you worry, is not recoverable. As a result you become responsible for wasting what time you may have left. Please don't do that. Put a spin on it. Tell yourself how fortunate you are to have your remaing time available to live and love. As with any habit it takes practice. If you catch yourself with negative thoughts, turn them around. Especially in the presence of your family.

As to "Why me?" Would you be happier if your spouse or kids were sick instead? Of course not. Would you take a bullet to save your kids life if they were in the line of fire? Of course you would. Be their hero. Live forward. In 10 years you don't want people talking about how much you suffered. That makes everyone feel badly. Have them praise your bravery. Produce happy memories. Your choice.

We all experience an emotional breakdown one way or another after diagnosis. What you do about it is not up to someone else. It is up to you. Everyone here is willing to help in dealing with this. Many expend more energy supporting others than they spend on themselves. And they are not in any better circumstance. Self pity is very damaging.

We are not dieing from cancer. We are living with cancer. Value it. I hope you feel better expressing your grief. Let it go. Move on. Fox.

What Fox said. I am not stage

What Fox said. I am not stage 4.  2014 sucked in many ways for me:  My office was destroyed by a fire. I lost a 42 year old friend to cancer.  I got diagnosed with kidney cancer.  I was stage 1, and my cancer was dealt with by a partial nephrectomy, and I hope to be best friends with NED forever more. 2015 continues the trend of sucking, but in different ways.  I don't ask why.  Many in this world and many on this board have it a lot worse than I do.  I am thankful that I have my health, my self respect and the love of my wife and children.  These three things are all that matter to me.  I continue to think positively (thus my screen name).  If I get up each morning, I am nice to people, smile a lot, laugh a lot, and maybe cry a little in private, my faith in my abilities, the love of my wife and children and good karma that I spread will get me through.  It has so far, and I see no reason why it will change.  There is nothing else for me.  I will keep pushing through with a smile on my face until I am dead, and I hope that I die with a smile on my face.  I want to die of laughter, no matter what the circumstances.

@VCortes713, we all have our own coping mechanisms and beliefs.  Religion and/or spirituality is a huge source of comfort and strength for many people.  I had a family member who was a huge believer in the power of prayer and religion, and that helped him get through a lot of difficult times. I don't think there is any right answer, and you have to rely on what works best for you.

Footstomper said:

I agree with Fox

I also have no belief. Who would I nominate to take my place? No one. I have seen such an outpouring of love and friendship, and prayers that I am humbled by peoples reaction to my disease. From my teaching of Philosophy I know that the only prayer that has any value is "Thy will be done". Anything else assumes that we're smarter than god. Sometimes I feel I'm living with Cancer (I like that Fox) Sometimes I feel like I'm dieing of it. It certainly makes you think. I think that I am living more since my diagnosis than maybe I ever did beforehand. I'd like my family to be able to come to terms with my death before it happens. I have this opportunity many do not. This is a good thing

And trillionaires never give dimes to beggars. Thats why theyre trillionaires

Socrates turned to the crowd who sentenced him to death. "So, we go our seperate ways. You to live and I to die. Who is to know what is the best option?"

I guess I see it like this:

 

I guess I see it like this: if there is a God, then yes, God listens to our prayers but it doesn’t mean that the answer is always going to be “yes.” Sometimes it will be “no,” for whatever reason God has for saying “no.” We msy not understand the reason for the "no", or be disappointed with that answer, but if there is a God then there is a reason and purpose for that answer. If there is no God, then none of our prayers mean anything; no one is there to hear them, and we must find whatever purpose and meaning we can in the cards that have been dealt us.

 

I am A Christian

I am a Christian and that I am not ashamed of. I will stand up for Jesus every day that I live.  I am not forcing my beliefs on anyone, or offending anyone.  Everyone has their own beliefs.  As I have studied and read from the Bible, every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord.  As i have had kidney cancer, colon cancer,and a mass in my breast, Jesus has been my refuge.  You hear people say that He want put anymore on you than you can stand.   That is written no where in the Bible.   He will allow you to suffer, because then when all else fails you will lean on Him and trust in the Lord.  During all my illnesses, and I still fight illnesses everyday, I give those burdens to Jesus, yes i hurt, yes i feel bad, but He makes me feel better, knowing I can rest my cares in His love and promises of a better day.   As a registered nurse  and taking care of cancer patients I would often say  WHY not me??????? When will it hit me??   I didnt question God why me??   When I seen little kids sick with this disease and yes i have seen answered prayers.  Gods hand has been working in my life for 29 years now.  God tells us to pray, ask Him for things and he will answer.  The answer is yes, no, or not right now.  He does answer we just need to be still and listen.  He also tell us that" if we deny him, He will deny us before our Father in Heaven." So with this I will say to you, I will pray for you and you are in my thoughts.  I hope you get to feeling better.  I pray for all on this forum all the time. No Offense to anyone.  Thanks for allowing me to share my beliefs.   

brea588 said:

I am A Christian

I am a Christian and that I am not ashamed of. I will stand up for Jesus every day that I live.  I am not forcing my beliefs on anyone, or offending anyone.  Everyone has their own beliefs.  As I have studied and read from the Bible, every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord.  As i have had kidney cancer, colon cancer,and a mass in my breast, Jesus has been my refuge.  You hear people say that He want put anymore on you than you can stand.   That is written no where in the Bible.   He will allow you to suffer, because then when all else fails you will lean on Him and trust in the Lord.  During all my illnesses, and I still fight illnesses everyday, I give those burdens to Jesus, yes i hurt, yes i feel bad, but He makes me feel better, knowing I can rest my cares in His love and promises of a better day.   As a registered nurse  and taking care of cancer patients I would often say  WHY not me??????? When will it hit me??   I didnt question God why me??   When I seen little kids sick with this disease and yes i have seen answered prayers.  Gods hand has been working in my life for 29 years now.  God tells us to pray, ask Him for things and he will answer.  The answer is yes, no, or not right now.  He does answer we just need to be still and listen.  He also tell us that" if we deny him, He will deny us before our Father in Heaven." So with this I will say to you, I will pray for you and you are in my thoughts.  I hope you get to feeling better.  I pray for all on this forum all the time. No Offense to anyone.  Thanks for allowing me to share my beliefs.   

First of all, I am glad you

First of all, I am glad you are raising questions and reaching out.

You've are opening up to a NEW perspective possibly.

You are helping US learn too..

 

This thing called LIFE is so precious.

BUT.. this is a PROCESSS

You are in such a process,

We have goals and do not like obstacles.

We start to wonder.

We begin to figure out what to do and how to survive.

We problem solve.

We look anew..

Sometimes we find answers, and our faith and paradigms assist us.

Other times nothing fits, nothing seems to work

we are left then wonder, to question..

 

ASK

WHAT am I supposed to learn from this?

What are MY lessons?

And I add,

What are the hidden blessings that this awful thing, called Cancer, offers me?

 

One of the beautiful lessons is we can aceept this challenge,

We can grow ..

We can change how we feel about this

It is a process.

We ARE evolving..spiritually. who knew?

Choose to LIVE

Choose to appreicate your mortiality

Let  go of FEAR .. of Doubt

What purpose does it serve you now?

 

Choose to learn and

allow our loved ones to learn THEIR lessons and grow as well.

Now you know why..

just not when.

 THIS was supposed to happen... you'll see

Sending you healing openess, light and care

Gentle hugs,

Jan

 

Why

So sorry to hear that you are feeling discouraged at the moment. I used to be a very black and white person about whether God was answering my prayers or not. I am a Christian and I have been very grateful for the faith that I have . I am not the one that has had cancer , my husband is, but this has been one of the biggest challenges in our 24 years together. We have both come to the realisation that stuff just happens and sometimes you actually grow more in the 'fertiliser" of life than you do the rest of the time when things are easy. It is not fun though!

 I have  spent a lot of time getting angry and frustrated at how things were not going my way, especially for others I love and then suddenly something changes and I either learn to deal with it or a miracle happens. We have had a lot of hard things happen in our lives eg. infertility, illness, but we have perservered despite them all.

Don't give up yet. You are in a country where there are a lot of hopeful treatments. I hope you can get on top of the emotional and physical pain that you are in. I will be praying for you . I think its lovely that even with all our different faiths and beliefs we can all support each other.

Much love Melissa

God

I had a tumor show up close to my brain stem.  The Doctor was showing me a slide from the MRI.  He was very good with the software and was able to take us inside the tumor.  I saw swirls of bloodvessels that took on the form of univerises very similar to pictures from the Hubble telescope.  I was looking at this thing that was trying to kill me and yet was so fantastic to behold.  I said 'It has a certain malevolent beauty to it doesn't it?  The doctor looked down on me, the doctor that was training with him looked at me.  My Doctor finally said 'WOW! I have never heard that from a patient before.'

Later I was thinking about what I saw and it dawned on me that there was more at work here that just the work of God.  

I was no different from most people faced with cancer.  I went to God and asked why?  I did not get a answer.  It was not a question for Him to answer.

I asked Him for life.  Much later it dawned on me that He gave me life once.  I asked Him for strength.  I seem to have enough of that most days.

Sometimes my strengh will fade a little and I have questions surface that do not need to be pondered on yet again.   After a bit the strength will come back.

I do believe that everybody that has reason to be in these boards already know all about that. 

You have every reason to ask

You have every reason to ask why me? But I agree with the sentiment to try not to stay there. when blkjak was fighting, we talked a lot about giving ourselves small bits of time to be sad and get it out of our systems, then focus on living  Everyone deserves to live while they're alive. 

i am christian but have a different philosophy of how God works. I don't believe there is a "plan." I really can't make sense of a God who would plan for people to suffer. I think bad things happen despite God, not because he plans them. I also don't believe God cures people. I really don't know that there is a soul on this earth that agrees with me on this. But again, I cant make sense of a God that would pick and choose who to cure and who to let suffer. I think the "plan" and the cure is salvation. That's it. No miracles. It sounds grim but it makes it easier for me to have a relationship with God without being angry. As it is, I do struggle with my Christianity a bit. It's been a rough couple of years and Im hoping I'll make my way through it. Eventaully. 

Focus on the positive. Live. Love every moment with your family. And lean on people for support when you need a small melt down. But don't stay there!

Why me Lord and why Cancer ?

Yes oh Yes this question is quite inevitable....esp when you are dx with stage 4 CA.

April last year I was dx with stage 4 lung CA , inoperable ,incurable,mets to liver ,brain,bone,adrenal glands.

Life expectancy is 3-6 months. 

Sounds like death sentence to me ,like in a boxing I am the underdog and in the bible a hand to hand combat with Goliath.

Being dx with stage 4 lung CA is a shock ,never been sick all my life ,healthy diet and stay fit.

not a party girl and never smoked  so when I received the med report I was totally shockEd.

i was in denial for so long and even though I am a believer of God I can't help but ask why me and of all sickness why cancer ?

what did I do to deserve this horrendous disease?But as days goes by I realized nothing will change even how much I complain.

I decided to just move on and live each day do the best I can trusting God for my life is in His hands..... If I live I live

if I go that's the time when I'm suppose to go.

Until now almost 16 mos since dx ,still here though there is still CA lurking in my body but hey I'm here and that's all it matters.

i thank God for every bunos days he has given to live and to love.

in spite of pain and suffering

in spite of questions left unamswered..... I am gratefuL to the God who has been there every day every minute.