For the benefit of those criticized into silence
I've debated with myself for a while whether or not to post something on this topic. The reason I haven't until now is because I didn't really care enough to bother. Not for myself. But I've had two members contact me privately to say that they share my feelings, but feel --like I have--that this forum isn't very tolerant of those who express ideas that run contrary to those of the majority. So while I didn't care enough to do it for myself, it seems that there might be a need to address this for those who contacted me, and for any others who have not, but who might feel some of the same things.
When I first joined this forum, I did it to seek concrete information, and I got it. As my need for concrete information became less I occasionally logged on to add my two cents to the discussion. As often happens, I found myself to have different ideas, different attitudes, different points of view and different feelings than most others on this board, from beliefs about God, to fears (or no fears) of recurrance, to life, to death, to how awful or how NOT awful my cancer, or cancer treatment-problems were, to pretty much anything and everything. My posts expressed my ideas, my feelings, my points of view and were never motivated by malice or mal intent but my ideas weren't well received. Some took a more hands-off approach to my posts, but some were pretty vocal in their criticism. My initial response was to let it go. I recognized that my views weren't shared by many, and felt that to push the issue would serve no useful purpose, so I let it go. I certainly had no deisre to make anyone feel bad, and if my views did that, then expressing them wasn't something I had to do. As my (few and far between) outlier views received more criticism, I grew to care less, and was less willing to apologize for them. My feeling is "to each his own. I don't HAVE to post anything here."
But for those interested in making this forum all it can be, a hard look at it--and at ourselves--is required. There's support, welcome, sympathy, and giving as long as one is suffering, fearful or in need. That's easy. We can all do that. But to express ideas or feelings that might say, "I'm not fearful," or "I don't think about my cancer," or "I don't expect a recurrance," or even "I don't look for a reason it happened," or "I don't believe in God" or "Yeah, I have issues but overall, I have nothing to complain about," or ANYTHING at all... and to be criticized for those beliefs makes this a forum of exculsivity. There's rejection within the welcome, and criticism within the support.
Maybe a better approach, if one doesn't agree with someone saying, "Yeah, my digestion is sh*t but I just suck it up and deal with it because what's the big deal..." or anything that runs contrary to what someone else might feel--if you don't share that feeling, that belief, whatever it might be, how about this? Read the post and move on. No one should care what I think about God, or cancer or life or death, or about anything to the point of feeling the need to criticize it, or me. Or anyone else for his or hers.
Because here's the most salient point. If I say something and am criticized for it, and if my response is to say, well, screw it, I feel what I feel but I don't need to post it here--but if someone else might share that feeling with me, my decision not to post affects that person. If this forum wants to be truly open and tolerant and reach as many people as it can, it needs to do so without being exclusively those things to people who say what the majority says, or feels what the majority feels. This forum needs to accept all views to be truly open and supporting and tolerant. Of course, the forum, as a body, can decide it doesn't want to do that, and that's fine, but at that point, it becomes time to call it what it is. Tolerant to a point. Supportive to a point. Helpful within limits.
I decided to post this long-overdue missive because there are people here who have been criticized into silence. For my part, I don't feel silenced, because I give a sh**. Criticize me all you want. But I write what I write for those others, those who I know about and those who I don't. If you, the forum members at large, want this forum to be better than it is, a good place to start would be to take a hard look at how tolerant--or intolerant--responses can be on this mostly--but not always--supportive forum. What does this forum want to be. That's the question at hand.
Comments
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LaCh
My feeling is that this is an open forum and all members have the same rights--to express their viewpoints, share information, be supportive, or post the occasional rant. I treat this site just as I do all others. I simply move on if a post gets my dander up (unless it's spam, then I flag it in a nanno second). If I have ever replied to you in a way that offended you, I apologize.
Martha
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No, no, that wasn't my point.mp327 said:LaCh
My feeling is that this is an open forum and all members have the same rights--to express their viewpoints, share information, be supportive, or post the occasional rant. I treat this site just as I do all others. I simply move on if a post gets my dander up (unless it's spam, then I flag it in a nanno second). If I have ever replied to you in a way that offended you, I apologize.
Martha
No, no, that wasn't my point. I'm not looking for apologies, and don't remember who said what to me. My post wasn't about me. It isn't about you. It's about the general criticism that takes place on this forum at times, of people who express uncommon or unpouplar views or feelings. It has nothing to do with rants, nothing to do with me, nothing to do with you, but everything to do with what sometimes occurs on this forum when views that aren't shared by the majority, are expressed. We all rant and need to rant once in a while. I've vented more than once on this forum. But I wasn't talking about that. One can disagree with someone without criticising them, and in reality, my only argument about criticizing people on a forum such as this is that the result is that some people self-silence themselves to avoid that criticism. That's the problem. Not that people can't withstand criticism, but that they choose silence over self-expression as a result OF that criticism. As it happens, I'm not one of those people. I say what I want to say and will only withhold things that I feel will be hurtful to others. I thank you for your apology but I don't need one, wasn't looking for one, and have to think that if my posting was interpreted in that way then I failed to impart what I tried to impart. It wasn't the first time and won't be the last, but my only regret is that I think that this is an important topic and it seems like I failed to make my point.
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Forum contentLaCh said:No, no, that wasn't my point.
No, no, that wasn't my point. I'm not looking for apologies, and don't remember who said what to me. My post wasn't about me. It isn't about you. It's about the general criticism that takes place on this forum at times, of people who express uncommon or unpouplar views or feelings. It has nothing to do with rants, nothing to do with me, nothing to do with you, but everything to do with what sometimes occurs on this forum when views that aren't shared by the majority, are expressed. We all rant and need to rant once in a while. I've vented more than once on this forum. But I wasn't talking about that. One can disagree with someone without criticising them, and in reality, my only argument about criticizing people on a forum such as this is that the result is that some people self-silence themselves to avoid that criticism. That's the problem. Not that people can't withstand criticism, but that they choose silence over self-expression as a result OF that criticism. As it happens, I'm not one of those people. I say what I want to say and will only withhold things that I feel will be hurtful to others. I thank you for your apology but I don't need one, wasn't looking for one, and have to think that if my posting was interpreted in that way then I failed to impart what I tried to impart. It wasn't the first time and won't be the last, but my only regret is that I think that this is an important topic and it seems like I failed to make my point.
There is a common factor that people will visit this forum. Anal cancer. Those who visit will, apart from the common diagnosis, have the usual variations seen across all populations. As is usual in any given population, personalities and needs will be diverse. It will meet some people's needs, & not others.
I am so thankful for this forum. For the advice, support and encouragement which I have had for almost 2 & a half years. If, however I had felt it did not meet my needs, or that I couldn't in turn offer my support to others, then it would be my choice to look for an alternative forum that was more appropriate. No one forces me to visit this forum, and no one forces others to stay here (although I am grateful they stick around).
Anal cancer, current treatment etc etc is a rough hand to have been dealt. But it is what it is, and has taught me to be humble. To have such support from total strangers is simply amazing. I only hope that I can, in some small way, help others through their journey.
Liz
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pializpializ said:Forum content
There is a common factor that people will visit this forum. Anal cancer. Those who visit will, apart from the common diagnosis, have the usual variations seen across all populations. As is usual in any given population, personalities and needs will be diverse. It will meet some people's needs, & not others.
I am so thankful for this forum. For the advice, support and encouragement which I have had for almost 2 & a half years. If, however I had felt it did not meet my needs, or that I couldn't in turn offer my support to others, then it would be my choice to look for an alternative forum that was more appropriate. No one forces me to visit this forum, and no one forces others to stay here (although I am grateful they stick around).
Anal cancer, current treatment etc etc is a rough hand to have been dealt. But it is what it is, and has taught me to be humble. To have such support from total strangers is simply amazing. I only hope that I can, in some small way, help others through their journey.
Liz
Agreed. And for those who express different views, those also, if not embraced or endorsed, need not be criticized. As I stated in my original post, I remained silent on the matter until I discovered that I wasn't the only one who felt that alternative views aren't always well tolerated here. I hoped to open a dialogue, make people aware that when they're overly critical they may be silencing others, and although I don't necessarily expect a change, I felt that it was important and ought to be talked about. Not for me. For the others who have similar experiences. Forget the messenger (me). Consider the message. If you feel it has merit, then as a group, adjustments can be made. If you think that I'm full of it, that's ok too, but as I said earlier, it fails to acknowkedge that not all people, in all ways, always feel welcome here, and as a group, that ought to be acknowledged as well.
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La ChLaCh said:pializ
Agreed. And for those who express different views, those also, if not embraced or endorsed, need not be criticized. As I stated in my original post, I remained silent on the matter until I discovered that I wasn't the only one who felt that alternative views aren't always well tolerated here. I hoped to open a dialogue, make people aware that when they're overly critical they may be silencing others, and although I don't necessarily expect a change, I felt that it was important and ought to be talked about. Not for me. For the others who have similar experiences. Forget the messenger (me). Consider the message. If you feel it has merit, then as a group, adjustments can be made. If you think that I'm full of it, that's ok too, but as I said earlier, it fails to acknowkedge that not all people, in all ways, always feel welcome here, and as a group, that ought to be acknowledged as well.
Why do you need to be so vague?
If you felt the need to broach the subject why not pinpoint an exact instance of this criticism. Yes I do believe that people have left this forum due to criticism. I agree that we are supportive to a point in some instances. We have so many stage Fours now, I felt as if they were blacklisted before or shooed away. Cancer is scary, people die that's a lot of reality for people to handle.I'm glad the stage fours are here wih us and that they feel comfortable and welcome here. I see that as a big change on this forum.
This is a mini society, we have, leaders, supporterS, followers and a few rebels.
Dont be afraid, spell it out!
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phoebesnowPhoebesnow said:La Ch
Why do you need to be so vague?
If you felt the need to broach the subject why not pinpoint an exact instance of this criticism. Yes I do believe that people have left this forum due to criticism. I agree that we are supportive to a point in some instances. We have so many stage Fours now, I felt as if they were blacklisted before or shooed away. Cancer is scary, people die that's a lot of reality for people to handle.I'm glad the stage fours are here wih us and that they feel comfortable and welcome here. I see that as a big change on this forum.
This is a mini society, we have, leaders, supporterS, followers and a few rebels.
Dont be afraid, spell it out!
I'm not sure what you want spelled out. I wasn't vague. I was clear. The details of what were said and/or who said them aren't important, in fact, they're irrelevant, and in truth, I don't remember the who, when, or what and don't care. This is a bigger issue than whatever was said to me, I don't know what was said to anyone else who feels similarly ostracized, and wouldn't reveal something said to me in confidence anyway. The problem is a tendency here to criticize unpopular expressions of thought or feeling. Again, you're missing the point and confusing the message with the messenger. You're angry with me because I said some unpopular things but there are people here who feel that they prefer silence to expression, and self-censorship to speaking freely. I may be the one who raised this topic but I didn't do it because I felt criticized into silence. Clearly, I'm not silent, but speaking out. I decided to raise the topic now when I saw that there were other people here who felt that their different or divergent points of view weren't well received. You may want to direct your responses or anger to me, but this isn't about me and I've been quite clear about that too. Why not ask what the forum can do to address the problem rather than focusing on the one who brought it to light, asking for names, and specifics, or who said what to whom, and when. I guess that's what you mean by saying that I'm vague, but in truth, I'm not really sure. In any case, those things don't matter. Knowing them might address something specific but it wouldn't further the dialogue, would serve no useful purpose and more than that, would detract from the bigger problem, which isn't limited to one person, one post or one response. It's ironic, but not entirely unexpected that I'm raising the issue of being criticized for an unpopular comment and being subtly criticized for it. One can either ask "Are these things so and if so, what can we do to address it?" or one can choose not to. One can ask, "Did this happen?" and "what can we do so that it doesn't happen again?" or he or she can get pissed at the one who raised the issue. No one is pointing the finger at any one person, and that's how you address a problem if you hope for a resolution. You don't put people on the spot, you don't accuse them, you don't cite specifics and you don't put people against a wall so that their only recourse is to defend themselves, and that's why I haven't and that's why I won't. No one here has to defend him or herself. Not you. Not me. Not anyone. What I'm saying is that if the forum as a whole would like to make this a more open, welcoming, supportive and tolerant place, then it has to be that for all expressions, all ideas, all feelings, whether popular or not, whether they lie with the majority or not. This isn't something that only I've experienced. Others have as well. What the forum does with that is in the hands of the forum.
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La chLaCh said:phoebesnow
I'm not sure what you want spelled out. I wasn't vague. I was clear. The details of what were said and/or who said them aren't important, in fact, they're irrelevant, and in truth, I don't remember the who, when, or what and don't care. This is a bigger issue than whatever was said to me, I don't know what was said to anyone else who feels similarly ostracized, and wouldn't reveal something said to me in confidence anyway. The problem is a tendency here to criticize unpopular expressions of thought or feeling. Again, you're missing the point and confusing the message with the messenger. You're angry with me because I said some unpopular things but there are people here who feel that they prefer silence to expression, and self-censorship to speaking freely. I may be the one who raised this topic but I didn't do it because I felt criticized into silence. Clearly, I'm not silent, but speaking out. I decided to raise the topic now when I saw that there were other people here who felt that their different or divergent points of view weren't well received. You may want to direct your responses or anger to me, but this isn't about me and I've been quite clear about that too. Why not ask what the forum can do to address the problem rather than focusing on the one who brought it to light, asking for names, and specifics, or who said what to whom, and when. I guess that's what you mean by saying that I'm vague, but in truth, I'm not really sure. In any case, those things don't matter. Knowing them might address something specific but it wouldn't further the dialogue, would serve no useful purpose and more than that, would detract from the bigger problem, which isn't limited to one person, one post or one response. It's ironic, but not entirely unexpected that I'm raising the issue of being criticized for an unpopular comment and being subtly criticized for it. One can either ask "Are these things so and if so, what can we do to address it?" or one can choose not to. One can ask, "Did this happen?" and "what can we do so that it doesn't happen again?" or he or she can get pissed at the one who raised the issue. No one is pointing the finger at any one person, and that's how you address a problem if you hope for a resolution. You don't put people on the spot, you don't accuse them, you don't cite specifics and you don't put people against a wall so that their only recourse is to defend themselves, and that's why I haven't and that's why I won't. No one here has to defend him or herself. Not you. Not me. Not anyone. What I'm saying is that if the forum as a whole would like to make this a more open, welcoming, supportive and tolerant place, then it has to be that for all expressions, all ideas, all feelings, whether popular or not, whether they lie with the majority or not. This isn't something that only I've experienced. Others have as well. What the forum does with that is in the hands of the forum.
I am not angry. I hope you see the changes you are looking for here.
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PhoebesnowPhoebesnow said:La ch
I am not angry. I hope you see the changes you are looking for here.
that would be a good result from my post, for the forum, and for those who will hopefully feel that they can express themselves without fear. Indeed, that was the only point to it all. No one person speaks for an entire forum, but hopefully, your response will encourage those who've felt marginalized in the past, so that they can speak more freely than they were able to before. As I said several times already, I posted for them, not for myself, since I say what I feel, as one can easily see. We all screw up, as individuals and as groups, and I do it probably more than the average, but what means more than one's screw ups is what one does about it afterwards. That's my take on it anyway. I thank you for your willingness to look beyond me, the messenger, and to hear what the message, itself, was saying.
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I Agree With You Marthamp327 said:LaCh
My feeling is that this is an open forum and all members have the same rights--to express their viewpoints, share information, be supportive, or post the occasional rant. I treat this site just as I do all others. I simply move on if a post gets my dander up (unless it's spam, then I flag it in a nanno second). If I have ever replied to you in a way that offended you, I apologize.
Martha
I have been a member of this site long before La Cha joined. I have never thought anyone was silenced on this site. This site is to help people such as La Cha in their initial diagnosis know what to expect. I wish I had known of this site when I was diagnosed in October 2008. I do not think this site was set up for philosophical opinions. This site is for all of us to share information regarding our anal cancer medical journey.
Mike
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I can only say I'm sooooooomxperry220 said:I Agree With You Martha
I have been a member of this site long before La Cha joined. I have never thought anyone was silenced on this site. This site is to help people such as La Cha in their initial diagnosis know what to expect. I wish I had known of this site when I was diagnosed in October 2008. I do not think this site was set up for philosophical opinions. This site is for all of us to share information regarding our anal cancer medical journey.
Mike
I can only say I'm sooooooo thankful for advice received here and even the knowledge I gain reading other peoples posts.
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mxperry + Marthamxperry220 said:I Agree With You Martha
I have been a member of this site long before La Cha joined. I have never thought anyone was silenced on this site. This site is to help people such as La Cha in their initial diagnosis know what to expect. I wish I had known of this site when I was diagnosed in October 2008. I do not think this site was set up for philosophical opinions. This site is for all of us to share information regarding our anal cancer medical journey.
Mike
I have never thought anyone was silenced on this site. They silenced themselves in response to feeling criticized.
This site isn't for philosophical discussion. That's true, but as often happens in human dialogue, they diverge into many areas and if one opens that thread and someone responds, that's the new direction the conversation has taken.
In any case, as experienced by me and as expressed to me, these weren't arcane philosophical topics but issues related to the experience of cancer, the attitudes about cancer and other cancer-related issues rather than treatment threads.
I'm not speaking to the helpfulness of this site; I've found it helpful myself. A site can be both helpful and unhelpful at the same time as some have found this site to be. One of the problems inherent is speaking for others who can't or won't or choose not to speak for themselves is that the dialogue inevitably turns toward the only one who gives it voice, in this case, to me. The response to me and to this thread is the problem that they experience and the reason that they choose to self-silence. The response to me and the original post illustrates the issue better than I could ever do by describing it.
Rather than rebut each denial that this is happening since that isn't my role nor my interest, and because I was one of several people who expressed having experienced this problem, I'll leave it for them to speak up now or remain silent, if that's still their choice (that's what self-silencing means. You get criticized for your opinion so you decide that expressing that opinion isn't worth it). As I said earlier, I didn't expect a good response, didn't expect any change, am not surprised that the response vascillates between irritation with the messenger or denial that the message is true, but nevertheless, I felt that it was an issue important enough to raise so I did and don't regret it. Maybe one day one of those other people will take up the discussion since I can no longer do anything more--if indeed I did anything at all.
If I was the kind of person easily silenced by feeling criticized or expressing things that were ill-received, at this point I would say "I'm just going to never say anything controversial again." Like the people who spoke to me in private. That's what they've done. That's what they chose. That's what they've said to me. That's what this has been about.
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No Need to Keep Repeating YourselfLaCh said:mxperry + Martha
I have never thought anyone was silenced on this site. They silenced themselves in response to feeling criticized.
This site isn't for philosophical discussion. That's true, but as often happens in human dialogue, they diverge into many areas and if one opens that thread and someone responds, that's the new direction the conversation has taken.
In any case, as experienced by me and as expressed to me, these weren't arcane philosophical topics but issues related to the experience of cancer, the attitudes about cancer and other cancer-related issues rather than treatment threads.
I'm not speaking to the helpfulness of this site; I've found it helpful myself. A site can be both helpful and unhelpful at the same time as some have found this site to be. One of the problems inherent is speaking for others who can't or won't or choose not to speak for themselves is that the dialogue inevitably turns toward the only one who gives it voice, in this case, to me. The response to me and to this thread is the problem that they experience and the reason that they choose to self-silence. The response to me and the original post illustrates the issue better than I could ever do by describing it.
Rather than rebut each denial that this is happening since that isn't my role nor my interest, and because I was one of several people who expressed having experienced this problem, I'll leave it for them to speak up now or remain silent, if that's still their choice (that's what self-silencing means. You get criticized for your opinion so you decide that expressing that opinion isn't worth it). As I said earlier, I didn't expect a good response, didn't expect any change, am not surprised that the response vascillates between irritation with the messenger or denial that the message is true, but nevertheless, I felt that it was an issue important enough to raise so I did and don't regret it. Maybe one day one of those other people will take up the discussion since I can no longer do anything more--if indeed I did anything at all.
If I was the kind of person easily silenced by feeling criticized or expressing things that were ill-received, at this point I would say "I'm just going to never say anything controversial again." Like the people who spoke to me in private. That's what they've done. That's what they chose. That's what they've said to me. That's what this has been about.
I think we all understand you say you are the self appointed spokeperson for those who you say feel silenced. Please do not waste any more energy on this useless topic.
Mike
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Mikemxperry220 said:No Need to Keep Repeating Yourself
I think we all understand you say you are the self appointed spokeperson for those who you say feel silenced. Please do not waste any more energy on this useless topic.
Mike
Thank you for speaking up. I feel the same way. We are here to help each other and I think we all do a great job of that. Let's just get back to giving encouragement to newbies and those who are in this battle for the second or even third time and giving helpful advice and information regarding this disease, how to deal with side effects, etc. I must be honest, I am a moderator on another site and if this thread would have been started on that site, I would have deleted it from the get go. To me, it is serving no one. I think we all get it by now. I'm moving on.
Martha
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mx and mpmp327 said:Mike
Thank you for speaking up. I feel the same way. We are here to help each other and I think we all do a great job of that. Let's just get back to giving encouragement to newbies and those who are in this battle for the second or even third time and giving helpful advice and information regarding this disease, how to deal with side effects, etc. I must be honest, I am a moderator on another site and if this thread would have been started on that site, I would have deleted it from the get go. To me, it is serving no one. I think we all get it by now. I'm moving on.
Martha
Of course. I will. I only wanted to open a dialogue. Didn't go as hoped but ... it happens.
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mikemxperry220 said:No Need to Keep Repeating Yourself
I think we all understand you say you are the self appointed spokeperson for those who you say feel silenced. Please do not waste any more energy on this useless topic.
Mike
even if you thought someone's topic ( their thoughts) to be useless, i feel they should not be told it is wasteful........perhaps just verbalizing these thoughts was helpful to that person.......a few years ago, there was a female who completely left this site due to censorship.....sephie
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I think this is a GREAT sitesephie said:mike
even if you thought someone's topic ( their thoughts) to be useless, i feel they should not be told it is wasteful........perhaps just verbalizing these thoughts was helpful to that person.......a few years ago, there was a female who completely left this site due to censorship.....sephie
and feel you ALL have valid points. This country was founded on freedom, speech included. Not every topic applies or interests everyone. If you don't like it, move on, it my insterest or help someone else. I have always felt free to state my opinion even if it differed from others ... there are many views to things, none necessarily right or wrong. While this is a cancer support board, cancer affects our entire life and that includes all sorts of topics. I think we ALL need to be open to others opinions.
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Freedom of speechTraceyUSA said:I think this is a GREAT site
and feel you ALL have valid points. This country was founded on freedom, speech included. Not every topic applies or interests everyone. If you don't like it, move on, it my insterest or help someone else. I have always felt free to state my opinion even if it differed from others ... there are many views to things, none necessarily right or wrong. While this is a cancer support board, cancer affects our entire life and that includes all sorts of topics. I think we ALL need to be open to others opinions.
Ok so one person offers an opinion on a non cancer related subject. Then another person cannot let the statement go without rendering an opinion. Then the original poster feels attacked because the opinion is different from their own. What's free about that?
I come here for information about cancer and to possibly lend support to others. When I was diagnosed I did not give a ****who believed in God and who didn't! All I cared was how they could help me physically and emotionally.
When it comes to God and country many of us are sensitive and it is hard not to want to express yourself about your own feelings. Because I love my country and god I feel I have the right to post my own positive opinions on both. It is very unlikely that I would bring these subjects up in a forum like this because I realize that everyone may not agree with my opinions and I would not want to upset anyone especially not cancer patients. I will however offer up prayers but I am now reframing from doing that unless I know the person is receptive.
I think this site is about cancer and if you want to discuss other subjects find a site that does!
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HiatusPhoebesnow said:Freedom of speech
Ok so one person offers an opinion on a non cancer related subject. Then another person cannot let the statement go without rendering an opinion. Then the original poster feels attacked because the opinion is different from their own. What's free about that?
I come here for information about cancer and to possibly lend support to others. When I was diagnosed I did not give a ****who believed in God and who didn't! All I cared was how they could help me physically and emotionally.
When it comes to God and country many of us are sensitive and it is hard not to want to express yourself about your own feelings. Because I love my country and god I feel I have the right to post my own positive opinions on both. It is very unlikely that I would bring these subjects up in a forum like this because I realize that everyone may not agree with my opinions and I would not want to upset anyone especially not cancer patients. I will however offer up prayers but I am now reframing from doing that unless I know the person is receptive.
I think this site is about cancer and if you want to discuss other subjects find a site that does!
I am leaving this group for the summer. Too much drama right now in my own life to come here and encounter more. I hope everyone enjoys their summer and I'll be back later.
Martha
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MP327mp327 said:Hiatus
I am leaving this group for the summer. Too much drama right now in my own life to come here and encounter more. I hope everyone enjoys their summer and I'll be back later.
Martha
We will miss you especially the newcomers!
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MarthaPhoebesnow said:MP327
We will miss you especially the newcomers!
i am sure things will settle down. Some people like drama. hopefully those with a different agenda to the aims of this site will find a more appropriate forum that will meet their needs and leave us to use this forum for the purpose intended.
I hope you enjoy summer, & look forward to your return whenever you are ready. Gotta say though, you are soooo going to be missed.
au revoir my dear friend
Liz
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