I've been peeking in...

marosa,

Nothing wrong with expressing yourself. Kidney Cancer is a big thing. It is major surgery. It is not fun. That beeing said welcome to the club which no one in there right mind would volunteer to join. May you become friends with NED for the rest of your life.

Icemantoo

Allochka said:

Hello,
thank you for posting

Hello,

thank you for posting this and sharing your emotions. I guess this is what this board is meant to - not only seeking for info, but sharing fears, doubts and joy.

I feel somewhat the same ( I'm a caregiver). First I was sure we will never be concerned about small things again, but we  ( at least I ) still are. We haven't become that much different or our life has more meaning now. But I start to think that this is not that bad - we remain who we are, cancer hadn't crushed us, as it hadn't crushed your personality. Every person has something else to worry except for health, it is part of life, and our worries mean that we are still living it.

And fear - it is present, yes. Not in my fiance, who had cancer, In me. But we have to keep in mind that in your and his case it all happened recently. More experienced posters have said that it takes a while to calm down. It gets easier after a year or so, and fear comes back only right before scans.

I also like to add that you've had good pathology - Stage 1b, encapsulated, so you have marvelous chances to leave it behind! Just need more time to believe it.

You've wrote about love. And this is the thing perhaps I'm kinda grateful for after all this ordeal. i've loved my fiance before that too, of course. we are together for 8 years and expecting our first child now. But only during this cancer scare did I realize HOW MUCH we love each other, what is the most precious thing in life, how much he trusts me and what things I'm ready to do to help him. I assumed that I knew love before (never dwelled on this actually), but in reality I know what love is only now. And we show it to each other much more frequently.  Because now we know life could be short. Not because cancer will return, no. But because we suddenly realized it has an end and we have no idea when this end may come, due to cancer or road accident or heart attack...

love each other, take care of each other, show it, say it - this is my lesson, and I'm grateful to it. Is smth happens to me today - I'll know that my fiance, my mom and  friends will be aware what they mean to me. It brings me calm And seems very important,don't know why...

i'm sure you will be all right! In your case you have so much to be grateful for, like early detection and successful surgery. You are given second chance, just need more time to heal emotionally. 

You wrote such a beautiful email! It is warm and insightful.

You are right - cancer changes our lives. People do say "forget about it and move on". Easier said than done. Those doubts still can overshadow us. That is where this place really works. You can vent, ask any question you like, learn, help, advise, give, receive. We all have been there. We all have a connection and that is what this is all about.

The love is a big factor. In our home and family life, it helps and comforts us, shows us what we value, and what really matters. Here, we share our feelings and hear everyone's stories, and we end up loving the members here too - they become part of your family - the second family!:) We share joy with good news, and support in the difficult times, and grieve at our great losses.

I am glad you came to visit us and share with us. I really enjoyed reading what you had to say! Please visit here often.

Big hugs,

Jojo

marosa said:

Thank you all for taking the time to answer

and commenting as well on your own experiences and concerns.   Scanxiety for example I learned about here and now I'll know it will show up as it did las month and will again for my 2nd check-up in November.  Knowing it will be there makes it easier to deal with it!

Reading your posts is also why I asked some more questions to my surgeon and doctor in Paris last month.  Also, my surgeon moved my second follow-up from September to early January because "everything looked so good".  It was nice to hear but I decided to move it ahead on my own and do it in November. I prefer to be on the safe side and take some of the responsability in my hands.

JoJo I,ve been thinking of you and wishing all is well with your recent tests, it will be!  Icemantoo you must be the Deacon here aren't you?! Thanks! Allochka, thank you for your understanding and sweet message. To you as well Mav.

A very special thought goes to a VERY, VERY extraordinary person who has been a source of inspiration for me from the first day I droped in to peak here.  FOXY,  I wont say more and I just hope you're doing much much better.   I did not contribute to the last post but I put my 5cents in now: No way you sell your guitar or bike, they are a part of you and they have been there for you as an ispiration.  The day you are no longer there, they too will have lost part of their soul and will be cheriched souvenirs for loved ones or nice objects for an interested buyer.  Today they are not either one of these things... they are "motors" to keep working up your WILL to use them again!  Be well.

A la prochaine to all !

Now I'm embarrassed. Thanks for the compliment.  Last year I was thinking about how others can never really know what it is like to have cancer. They can't understand how much it can dominate our thoughts. So I ask them if they ever had a song stuck in their head and they couldn't get it out. Everybody has done that. I say that is what it is like to have cancer. The thought gets in your head and doesn't go away. It helps them understand. This conversation came up at a picnic that I went to. And I had fun with it. I began whistling Christmas songs around everyone. It became contagious and soon enough several people were walking around whistling "It's beginning to look alot like Christmas." I got it stuck in their heads and they couldn't get it out. I thought it was pretty funny.