Could it be recurrence

Gazebo78
Gazebo78 Member Posts: 15
edited April 2015 in Head and Neck Cancer #1

I haven't been on this site in a long time but am feeling the need for some feedback.  I survived my Stage IV throat cancer in Spring of 2013 after 35 rads and 7 cisplatin treatments.  Was declared cancer free in July 2013.  Went through a year of learning to cope with all the standard side effects (swallowing deficiency, loss of saliva, lymphedema, trismus, neck/jaw pain, etc.).  As time moved on I adapted to my new normal, regained the 65 pounds I lost during treatment and began to settle down again.  In December 2014, had a scare when a CT scan detected a possible new tumor but the PET scan determined it was just growth in scar tissue.  Had a heart to heart with my regular physician about anxiety/depression and got some new meds to assist with that - feeling better.  Then 2 weeks ago I found the lump in my chest.  And all of the fear and anxiety came rushing back.  Had 2 CT scans this morning - one neck and one chest with a follow-up with the oncologist scheduled for Tuesday.  As wiith lots of lumps in the chest/breast (I am male by the way), it is likely nothing.  I can't talk with my wife about it because her response is that I am fine/will be fine and its silly to worry.  I think that is just her coping mechanism, cause even during the worst of my cancer, we were never able to talk about how we really felt.  It's just too hard for her.  So am coming back to folks I know will understand.  Thanks for letting me vent.  I know recurrence is a BAD thing for us and frankly, I am just scared.  Thanks to all of you for understanding.  Jim

Comments

  • Gazebo78
    Gazebo78 Member Posts: 15
    #2
    Follow-up

    Lest anyone think I am complaining about my wife, I'm not.  She's probably right and as is a common phrase here, "it's not cancer till the doctor says it's cancer".  And usually I am able to be more positive about it.  Just a weak moment I guess.

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #3
    Yes the saying is right, but......

    It does not stop the scarred feeling or the fear of it might be. Most likely it will be nothing, but men get lumps it the brest also. They [the media] don't ever talk about it, just like they don't talk about men and osteoporosis but we get that as well. I had a bump that looked like a mole on my side but it war very rough and just appered one day. I went to my Dr on a routine visit and had him look at it. He said it is NOT cancer but If you want I'll freeze it off. You bet I want it off. Now I had already told myself it is not going to be a skin cancer, but deep in the back of my head was the thought, what if I'm wrong and it is? A swollen lymph gland it just doing what it is suposed to do, and it will get larger if it is fighting an infection in your body. Even knowing that, you will still think, what if. As you I beleave it will be nothing but I would want it checked out as well. Good thoughts and prayers to you. 

    I had a Laryngectomy and have a prosthesis so I can talk and it wtarted to leak. No big deal but it has to be changed because liquid is getting to my lungs and you cough pretty bad. So I called to get it changed and they got right back and said could you come in tomorrow at noon. [It's a four houre dirve] and I said sure, i'll be there and was. That was Aprial 1st, you don't think things were going through my mind the whole way there. It went fine and no jokes.

    Be well and may your tomorrows be even better.

    Bill

  • Gazebo78
    Gazebo78 Member Posts: 15
    #4
    wmc said:

    Yes the saying is right, but......

    It does not stop the scarred feeling or the fear of it might be. Most likely it will be nothing, but men get lumps it the brest also. They [the media] don't ever talk about it, just like they don't talk about men and osteoporosis but we get that as well. I had a bump that looked like a mole on my side but it war very rough and just appered one day. I went to my Dr on a routine visit and had him look at it. He said it is NOT cancer but If you want I'll freeze it off. You bet I want it off. Now I had already told myself it is not going to be a skin cancer, but deep in the back of my head was the thought, what if I'm wrong and it is? A swollen lymph gland it just doing what it is suposed to do, and it will get larger if it is fighting an infection in your body. Even knowing that, you will still think, what if. As you I beleave it will be nothing but I would want it checked out as well. Good thoughts and prayers to you. 

    I had a Laryngectomy and have a prosthesis so I can talk and it wtarted to leak. No big deal but it has to be changed because liquid is getting to my lungs and you cough pretty bad. So I called to get it changed and they got right back and said could you come in tomorrow at noon. [It's a four houre dirve] and I said sure, i'll be there and was. That was Aprial 1st, you don't think things were going through my mind the whole way there. It went fine and no jokes.

    Be well and may your tomorrows be even better.

    Bill

    Thanks wmc

    Glad to hear your procedure went well Bill.  That's really good news.

    As for my anxiety, most of the time I can say, it's probably nothing but it's the right thing to get it checked out.  But it's funny how thin the line is between being prudent to being anxious to being scared.  Before I was diagnosed with my throat cancer, I had symptoms for a year.  I was convinced I had cancer 6 months before they found it.  So frankly, it was a relief to have a diagnosis.  The treatments were hard, but I was engaged in the fight and knew what I was up against.  Most of the time, my emotions were in check and I had a good frame of mind.  And I am a believing Christian, so my faith really sustained me through the process.  But the "scanxiety" as one person here put it is a different kind of animal for me.  I don't do as well with the unknown as I do with the known, even if the known is bad news.

    At any rate, thanks for the support.  I have a great cancer team so I know I am in good hands.

    Jim

  • MrsBD
    MrsBD Member Posts: 617 Member
    #5
    As hard as we try, I think

    As hard as we try, I think thoughts of cancer will force themselves to the front of the line forevermore. Never would I have thought a sore throat was cancer. Now every symptom causes that fleeting moment of terror until I talk some sense into myself. As you said, the chances are small that your symptoms indicate a recurrence. I will pray that you find peace of mind during this Easter weekend.

  • HobbsDoggy
    HobbsDoggy Member Posts: 276
    #6
    I had a brest lump to o

    Hi, I had a breast lump about 8 years ago, I am a male. They took it out and it was nothing but a stupid benign lump that men get from time to time.   That was before I had neck cancer.  My doctor just took out a growth in my soft neck area opposite side of where most of my treatment was for neck cancer.  I have been cancer free for over two years.  He said before and after that he does not think it is cancer, but of course can’t be sure until the biopsy comes back.  I was a basket case before he took it out and only a semi-basket case now.  The fear never leaves, it just is stong sometimes and sometimes far in the background.

    My wife is like yours, her way of coping is to say its not likely cancer and try not to worry.  I want her to do something else, but I have no idea what the else is.

    Seems like they are on top of whatever is going on with you and even in the off chance it is cancer they can jump on that and get it taken care of.  I know that if I get anything that is “odd” my mind goes to its cancer and its over.  We are human and we can’t help those feelings.  Just turn it over to God or who ever you trust by saying I can’t handle these feelings now so you handle them. 

    I find the local cancer support group helpful, but even more helpful is two good friends I have made that have gone through the same thing and we meet weekly just to talk about stuff, all kinds of stuff, but sometimes cancer and fear and it helps to just say it.  I am not looking for them to solve my problems, but just to understand.

    Even if it a reoccurrence we do get a second and often a third chance to beat the beast.  At the Cleveland Clinic the head of the neck cancer group told me if it comes back we tackle it again.  In your case like mine, probably nothing, but if it is let the doctors fix it.

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #7
    As Mrs. BD said....

    once bitten by the cancer bug, it is always in the forefront of your minds.  We move through "every thing is ducky" to abject terror almost seamlessly....Every lump, bump, ache, pain, ping, pang is a call for alarm, and then it goes away, and we return to "ducky"...for a while.

    I would guess that this lump in your chest is nothing....a fatty tumor, a cyst....and the chances of it being related to throat cancer are really remote.  I'm glad to hear you are a man of faith, so you know when the pain of worry becomes to much, you can hand it off to God....you don't have to carry the burden, He will....

    Going to tuck both you and HobbsDoggy into my pocket until we know you're both fine....I wish we could learn from each time we bang the cancer alarm, but I sure haven't found the lesson yet....the one that says I don't have to worry.

    P

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #8
    Hi Jim

     

    I was the same way and I think we all are when it comes to worrying about recurring C. When the doc told me it was back I did not know how to break it to my wife and children, all I could do was to ask God for help, and He did just that. For now all you can do is pray and I like many here will also be praying for you.

     

    Tim Hondo

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #9
    jim, first we didn't think

    jim, first we didn't think you were complaining about your wife....lol.  they do love us but they don't truly understand.  hard as they may try, they can't.  like P said, once we've been bitten, it is extremely scary when something new shows up.  of course our first thought is cancer.  we cannot help that.  we all have felt that fear and as hard as we try to tell ourselves not to worry, that's in vain.  you are always welcome to come here and vent, worry, yell, celebrate, cry, whatever you need to do.  we will always be here.  like Bill (wmc) says, we're open 24/7.  I am praying it is nothing but please let us know.

    God bless you,

    dj

     

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