a great article on the "after" affects of cancer tx

Yes it might be a little long, but it touches on so many points about surviving after.

Yes you do loose some "friends" when you get really sick. But the real friends will still be there and sometimes just don't know what to say. You need to start and let them know it is OK. You also need a good support group. Which I have found here. I get help, when I can give comfort to one who is new and scared, or may be just listen to a friend here who just had a bad day. I get sad when we loose a great person or hear someone is not going to beat this. Those are the ones that need this site and us the most and should never ever feel alone or think of not posting. I might not know what to say other than letting them know we are always going to be here for them. That is the least I can do, they were here for me when I needed the help understanding this. Every day I think of the song,"Bridge over troubled waters" I'll be here.

Thank you all:

Bill

avisemi said:

Thanks for posting Debbie. I

Thanks for posting Debbie. I just finished reading it and was going to post here. My questions for folks are:

what are you lessons learned about the post treatment time particularly regarding to psychological issues? is the experience from the article quite common? 

And most importantly, could you share tips for family members on how we can help/support ou loved ones through this time? 

Thanks!

To some degree I feel all of us go through some depression, which is normal, for what we went through. Everyone is different on what they did go through and how it effected them, so the depression is differant as well. You can get anxiety attack as well as PTSD. Just being told you have cancer can scare the hell out of you. Then you think how are your loved ones going to handle it. Oh you might never tell them that you think it, but you do.

I am a neck breather, so my thoughts before and after the surgery was how will my wife look at me with this hole in my neck, and I can't talk, just write down what I need, only if it really was important. How will my son look at me as well. Yes I am alive, but it is kinda a big hole and my life just changed forever. The hole was not covered for the first seventeen days, then I got my order in on suplies and filters. To them, it didn't matter I had a hole, It only mattered I was still alive. Beleave me so many dark things did go through my head for some time when I would lay down to sleep and it was all quite. Most of that, they will never know. What does matter is I am a survivor and alive and I can talk now as well.

What can your caregiver/loved one do for you. Be forgiving on bad days and be on the look out for systems changes we don't see. That you have to word kinda carefull though. You see, it is very hard on the caregiver, you feel the pain, but can't do anything except be there. We do thank you, even if we don't tell you enough. Well thats just my thoughts on it.

Bill

Debbie,

I liked how she described “surgery, chemo, rads” as “cut, poison, burn”.

We are all different and all the same.

Matt