My Mom just passed away and I'm having a very hard time

I know how you feel. Lived with my dad. He passed away in November.It's hard. He passed away from RCC. He was 67.

I came upon your post today trying to cope with losing my mom on New Year's Day. Loss is so personal and raw to each one of us and it is not easy. I think it is hitting you harder because of the loss of your Dad and how aggresive the cancer was with your mom. Decisions are so overwhelming especially when things happen so quickly. I would call hospice and meet with not only a bereavement counselor but the social worker as well. They can offer a lot of help in terms of helping you make decisions.

I want to say that you are a beautiful person because you were a full time caregiver to your mom. I was as well. It takes a strong person to go through it all with the one you love. I send you a virtual hug and if you have any friends or family please reach out to them. Sometimes people just don't know what to do but do want to help.

Big Huggies and prayers,

Meowycat

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is extremely difficult. And you have loss two people that are very dear to your heart.  At times you may feel like the pain is unbearable. And the responsibility of getting certain affairs in order is a very daunting task because all you want to do right now is hug your mom and talk to her.

 What has helped me in dealing with the passing away of my loved ones is relying on God. Prayer strengthens. Also consider all that God promises us. At John 5:28, 29, God promises us that there will be a resurrection of life.  All of our loved ones can be resurrected to live a perfect life without ever again having to suffer sicknesses like cancer. That is what gives me comfort, knowing that I will see my loved ones again. It takes time for the pain not to hurt so much, but God will strengthen you during this time.

flex said:

I hate grief

 

I hate grief.  It especially crushes, disrupts, interrupts survivors left behind. This was the case when my wife of 39 years died of ovarian cancer.  I too, was the caregiver.  The sense of helplessness and impotency overwhelmed my ability to carry out and function from day to day.  She breathed her last breath and was gone.  "What now?" I asked.  "Where do I go from here?"  Grief had found me.  Although family and friends wrapped me in their compassion, I was alone.  The forced smiles hid my daunting grieving.  Everyone left.  The sound of silence amplified the the softest sounds.  Activity stopped.

I avoided items she had touched and would steer clear of her photographs.  At night, I would sleep on the couch to avoid her favorite pillow. I never moved the robe she had draped across our bed. It was the day she was admitted into The HOSPICE.  After her death, avoiding became a way of life for me.

At the same time that I believe that grief consumes those left behind, I also believe that grief, like life and death, has a beginning and an end. One must permit and give ourselves permission to grieve.  However, recognize that time continues.  Time moves forward and we must walk with it.  Refuse the tendency to stop it in its tracks.  Clinging to grief doesn't stop time, it stops us.  More importantly, as I discovered, it dishonors the life one has lost. 

My wife loved life.  Each day, she perfected it by appreciating what life had given her.  Whether in perfect health or in her suffering, she loved living it.  She appreciated the smallest and least significant things life offered.  It gave me an appreciation for my own life.

As I began to wrap my grieving around such a wonderful human being, I began to realize how lucky I had been.  God gave her to me, so that I could share my life with her.  I loved our time together so much that I can still taste it. Then, things started to change.  At first, I noticed that when grieving crept in, I would smile at her memory.  Pillow, robe, and photographs became wonderful reminders of her.  Oh yes, I wept, but smiled at the same time.

Today, I cherish her memory and even laugh at the things we did together.  I had it pretty nice for 39 years.  She was a wonderful human being who loved others-- and I was the husband she chose.  Nice!  God blessed me with a wonderful wife; and here thought, I was just lucky.

I hated to watch her suffering. She didn't deserve any of that.  I said something stupid once and she reminded me as she always did. I said, "I wish it wasn't you.  I wish I could trade places with you."  She simply smiled and said, "Come here.  Even if that were possible, who is to say that my circumstances would not be the same at a later time? This is God's time for me; not yours.  Your time is coming." 

Yes, life and death has a beginning and an end, but so does grieving.  My time is coming and so is yours.  Give yourself permission to grief and cherish who you have lost.  I am sure that my wife, and your loved one, would have wanted to continue the beautiful life they were given.  Grieving taught me to think about who I lost. It also taught me to appreciate and smile the time we spent together.  Oh yes, I had it nice, but so did you.  Some have had less time than us. They had less time with their loved one.  They weren't as lucky as us.  

I leave you with my wife's words, not mine:  "I want you to squeeze every ounce of energy, out of every minute you have been given.  Enjoy life as I have enjoyed it.  Now, go and live your life." 

So smile today.  Don't forget to cry.  Remember how nice you had it. You had someone very special.  It was great!

Grieve? Yes.  But, don't fight time from moving forward, embrace it or time, will stop you.    

Flex

 

 

 

Sorry to hear you lost your Mom. I do believe losing a Mom is one of the hardest thing in our lives. They are the ones who are/were always the closest to us. And as much as you'll hate to hear this, but it is true: time will become your friend and will help you. First it will be your enemy. Because it seems mean as it keeps going on as if nothing happened. But you'll realize, it's a silent friend, and it helps you. But it won't happen tomorrow. After I lost my Mom it took two years of complete depression. I almost got kicked out my elementary school, and no matter how hard teachers were trying to help me, I just shrugged my shoulder and looked at them and said "I don't care". That was my defense...defense against the pain that hit me when I lost my Mom. I decided in my head, that I won't care about anything ever again. If I don't care, I cannot get hurt. I lived this life for two years. My Mom came to my dreams almost all the time, I had no single day I wasn't thinking of her. But through my dreams, she told me she wants me to be happy and that she feels so bad that she caused this to me. And I started to feel bad...because I knew it wasn't her fault and I shouldn't make her feel guilty. So I realized I need to stand up, dust myself off, and fight this creepy life of mine. But this all took a long time. Give yourself some time! And try to remember that she would want to see you happy!!!! That is a happiness for her! Don't make her sad, or guilty. You don't see her, but she is all around you and always watching you- every single step. Okay? Wish you strength!