Do you ever stop worrying

You posted a good question, anyone feel 100% secure after H&N cancer. I can only give you my feelings. As I got further out from my surgery and treatments, I felt better that more than likely I have beaten the beast. Unfortunately, a different cancer popped up and it just hit me harder then the first one. That was roughly one year out.

I had gone a good spell reaching the 5 yr mark without anymore issues. I looked over my shoulder less and looked forward more at that point. But, I have to honestly say, I am not 100% comfortable as I am aware of what I have been thru, much like everyone here, it is part of our history. Each of us wrote a chapter in our book of life that we didn't want to. But, we have adjusted to what we have been dealt and move on.

Each day I am reminded by the scars on my neck, so we will never forget, I don't worry now, but I keep an eye open to what could possibly happen again. I feel that if I worry all the time, that takes away from the time I can be happy and enjoy myself with family and friends.

I am retired now, so I have plenty of time to worry if I wanted to. I choose to volunteer with a Marine Corps League and tinker around the house to keep my mind busy. I recently passed my 10 yr mark.

My Best to You and Everyone Here

jf, i'm ecstatic that you can swallow!  i'm sorry that you are worrying.  but i do understand.  i often wonder when I swallow and cough really bad if that has happened to me.  i don't know what its like so i can't say for you or me but I hope your are not and that you can finally enjoy eating again.  sending prayers and positive mojo your way.

God bless you,

dj

I honestly think the short answer is "No".

Whether its "scanxiety" or the many ramifications of mental afflictions associated with serious illnesses or just the every day challenges we face outside of our health, we never really stop worrying. The difference is the degree in which we devote to it. 

For me, at nearly two years out, I'm finally getting to a place with my "new normal" that's comfortable. I've been told by my team that for all intents and purposes, my cancer is gone. If something is going to take me out, it won't be a recurrence of the original cancer. Does that mean I don't worry? No. Mets to other sites, a different cancer, heart disease etc. These are all possibilities. BUT... the original cancer at this point? No. I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. 

I do have side effects and I do have anxiety issues due to my cancer. The anxiety causes physical symptoms that are concerning. I've recently recognized a pattern. The last year, when "scope, poke and prod" time comes, I get what many call "scanxiety". At first it was intense but as time has gone on, I've not felt it as much. That being said, although I've not consciously felt the ramifications, subconsciously I have. I believe the lastest incidence of chest pain which prompted cardiologist visits and stress test was due to "scanxeity" as it coincided with my "scope, poke and prod" at JH. The test proved to be negative and while I'm still feeling the pain to a degree, it's lessening. I have a "chill pill" I can start taking a few weeks prior to the appointments but I've not done so the last two appointments. Maybe the fact that I'm coming up on the big two year mark had something to do with it but my body seems to have reacted to the stress in a negative way.

Sorry for rambling but I think it helps me and others to put this out there. We're different. We've been to the brink and back. Especially the type of cancer and treatment we've undergone. Some say zombies aren't real. I beg to differ. As Survivors we're zombies for a period of time in our lives. That few weeks in to 3-9 month period when the treatments kick in until you start to awake from drug induced narcotic fog and try to begin to live again is a difficult adjustment. In retrospect, it's like a dream. The pain, the needles, tubes, drugs etc. WHEW!

We all need to seek help in adjusting and not be shy to ask if we need it. We need to understand and learn coping skills. The scars are real both physically and mentally. Recovery is both physical and mental and we need to be consistent on working on both. Therapy and meds if needed for the mental aspect and exercise and PT for the physical. Like the swallowing exercises... every day for life peeps! There will always be "what ifs" in the back of our minds. In many ways that's helpful. It's our human nature to be alert to physical threats. The fight or flight response. I don't get regular scans. I was concerned about that. When I expressed my concern, my team told me that I would "know" when something wasn't right. I believe that. I'm more aware now of things that just don't "feel" right and won't be shy in bringing them up. Until then, we need to work on our "new normal", whatever that is for us and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. 

Positive thoughts and prayers

"T"

8 or 9 months that my "worrying" has faded....by degrees.  It has probably always been lessening, but because it's by degrees I didn't notice it for a long time.  The space of time between the last time I was worried and the current time I am worrying has grown further and further apart.  I spend more time not fretting than fretting....must have crossed the half-way mark....LOL.  And....I can't say I did anything really in the way of getting all that worry to go away....time and good checkups and scans have done the most to lighten the load.

p

A year ago I was worried.I was just out of surgery and in an after care hospital and all I got was food for the peg tube.I then went to a speach and swallowing specialist and she did the swolling tests to show if that flap was opening or closing the right way.Lucky it was but kind of weak so she had me just drink smoothies and soups things like that.But you will know just as you cough and gag when something went down the wrong pipe.I still take my time eating and do chop up my food before I eat just to be sure.But then again they took my teeth out during the operation and don't have the hang of trying gum my food yet.My problem is more of trying to get the food up and over the tounge since it is now tied down to the front of the jaw and moves very little.But with the help of the new denist I'll be getting the dentures with thicker plate to help the tounge move the food down the throat.

jackflash22 said:

Good luck

good luck that you have success with your new dentures. I can't imagine what it's like to have your tongue tied down and no teeth, I guess your mainly on soft foods. I hated puréed foods after my dissection, one plop of green stuff, one plop of a muddy colour and one plop of something unimaginable. The taste was unrecognisable and as horrid as the sight of it. I used to wait till no one was looking and run to the loo to flush it away, I then asked for double yoghurts They praised me up for eating it all ha ha. 

JF, you sneaky little thing you!!!  your post made me laugh out loud.  several here have done different things to fool the nurses.  it really is funny.  i know P put on steel toed boots to add weight to her.  people here are definitely very creative!!

dj

The worrying - much like the grieving process - comes in "waves" - but they come more and more infrequently over time...and, as others said, sometimes the worrying is caused by something real that needs attention - like vitamin deficiency, thyroid problems, fibrosis, and other "late side effects" that need attention. Sometimes the anxiety is caused by check-ups, other times by some other trigger, like post-traumatic stress syndrome.

The good news is that sometimes - really - you don't think about the experience at all - it's like it happened to someone else!

One antidote to worrying is to go this website and assure yourself that you're not the only one with these worries, and, sometimes that alone makes them dissipate.

We are human and that is the best we will every be.  Of couse we will continue to worry for as long as we are here.  Some days less, some a lot more.  We are not alone and there are many people who care.  I suggest a cancer support group if there is one close to you.  It is a big help to me.