Want to hear from truly alone

My story is different .  Thankfully, I have MS.  I've never felt that way beore until I read your story.  I was diagnosed in 2002, luckily I had a good job that I loved which provides LTD.  I had to go on LTD/SSDI in 2006 after a ery severe relapse that reduced my cognitive abilities down to grade 6 math.  It took 2 years to be able to live indepentently again.  Then a couple of years to only survive  day to day.  I had one good year in 2010   Fortunately it was the year my dog died so I was well enough for people to approve of my getting a new puppy.  By this time I lost all contact with work associates.  I moved to Milwaukee for this job in 1996 and had only developed a few friendships.  My friends stode by me.  Life was improving daily.

In Feb 2011, I had a MS relapse.  Then weird lower addominal pain.  In summer 2011, I had totally complete hysterectomy w all possible organs.  I had early stage ovarian cancer.  then a torn pelvic tendon.  In fall 2011, I was in icu was severe sarotonin reaction from pain/nausea meds.  Friends dropped off.

I had lumpectomy in 2000 when i was 37 for dcis.  I was good about yearly mammograms. Because of other, I was 6 months late .  The 6 month delay was costly.  Bilateral mastectomy w nodes in 2012.  Few friends remained but horrific recovery w severe chest and shoulder pain left me home alone screaming in pain, 2nd and small amt of 3rd degree burn on shoulder from heating pad,.  I could not have reconstruction ut wanted to wear prothesis w bra.  Bra seemed to casue worse pain.  Lost all friends except dog.

Thankfully money isn't issue cuz i dont spend much.  I have car but pain was so severe I couldn't stand to drive for more than  miles, LITERALLY.  Last year was one of worst winters in history .  The weight of coats on my shoulders created more pain.  

My dog is 4 now.  2014 was better than 2013 and 2015 is slightly better except scar tissue pain is constant.

SO that is how are lives have been different.  and our futures are going in different directions.  But still so similar in our complete bond with our dogs, in our aloneness , and our knowledge that any of our remaining friends//aquaintances/dog friends do not understand what our life is like as single adults with medical struggles. I have long decided that f the cancer returns or appears elsewhere that I will make the same decision that you have.   Your life is much, much harder with financial and transportation challenges and preparing for pallitive care.  

It is such a blessing to have a dog as your constnat companion.  It is my sole reason for getting out to walk in the cold.  She always comes running if she hears me crying to lick the tears away, she listens attentively to my monologues, gives kisses as soon as i lie on the floor to try to stretch my chest muscles , and best of all sleeps tight against me all night long.  I have struggled to improve more for my dog than myself.

I hope you feel the same benefits from yours.  

Hang in there.  Some times all we can do is cuddle up with the dog and relax.  And then start over with our problems.  Even 15 minutes of progress can feel sucessful.  For me, weekends are often the loneliest.

I know my situation is not nearly the same as yours but there are enough similarities that I can relate.

Hello newbie(s)

I can not relate but just wanted to say thinking of you..

Denise

I'm not sure if I can relate one hundred percent but I can relate with some of what you've said. 

I don't have cancer but my partner does and we've been together for almost three years now.  

Shes 34 and I'll be 24 this spring.  We've been going the the cancer roller coaster basically with only each other.  

I'm sure it might sound like a lot to even have one person but I can tell you my partner does feel alone  and isolated depressed  and even hopeless. 

I pay the bills I work to keep food in the fridge and I also just started university last fall.  

I don't have a career and I make close to minimum wage so obviously my partner and I just barely make it by. 

There is never a time where I'm not actually stressing  if I'll have enough money for food rent and her medication and what not.  I go to bed thinking about bills and debt every night.  

As for family her brother and sister are cold and insensitive have done next to nothing to help her out despite the fact they live within a 30min drive.  It's quite disgusting really because there family and I'm just her partner of three years and I've stuck it out so far. 

As for my family I have an aunt in the city but she has her health problems and financial too.  My younger sister whose 21 doesn't know how to help or what to say so I don't have support either. 

As for friends neither my partner and I have close people in the city that would help us.  

So it's just she and I.  

But since I have to work part time and go to school full time my partner is at home alone most of the time.  And that's something we argue about.  She doesn't understand fully that I can't be home all the time because the bills need to be paid and we need a roof over our heads.  

So yea.  We are practically  alone. 

And the two years we been going through this.  I've felt a loneliness I've never felt before despite the fact she's lying next to me or just in the other room. 

The depression,  lethargy,  anger,  frustration,  hopelessness,  and a myriad of emotions I've felt.  I do understand struggle and strife and I want to share my story so hopefully you can relate and not feel so alone. 

And honestly what I've shared is just the tip of the ice burg. 

If you add cancer,  mental health issues:anxiety depression ptsd Bi polar in the mix you bet this whole cancer experience has brought both me and my partner on the brink of insanity.  

But hey were still here and It's he'll of a story to tell.  Im sure when I look back I  ten years hopefully still with my love she and I can both laugh and cry at this whole thing. 

But for now. 

I still live in he'll and i still walk on egg shells.  I'm never quite sure what to expect even within the hour. 

Best of luck and keep your head up

I have faith you can make it through just connect with the people on here and try and look at the similarities and not differences.  We're more similar then we know. 

--sage