Feeling Frustrated and Alone

Gracie200 Member Posts: 1

I am new to this forum. My husband has advanced cancer and I am his care giver. We are hoping for partial to complete remission at this time. On January 29th, he will have a CT/PET scan to see if the chemo has been helping. The worry of what that scan will show scares me and my family. But, we remain strong for my husband. I am, however, getting frustrated caring for him. I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH, but it is such a struggle to get him to eat and drink. He thinks I serve him way to much food or if he takes a bite of something he says he is done. What do I do? I think he would function so much better if he would just eat and drink more. When he does, I have seen improvement. Anyone else have this same problem? Suggestions? I have spoken to the doctor and nurses about all this and tried just about everything they suggest.


  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member

    i cared for my husband for 6 years before I lost him to colon cancer. i learned that I couldn't force him to eat and had to back off on nagging him about it. With each different chemo he had different things he liked and didn't like. Sometimes he would tell me just before supper time he was hungry for something we didn't have. I often made trips to the store. He suddenly wanted a lot of Mac and cheese during one chemo, and once he decided he wanted canned stew. His taste buds just weren't the same. I often worried that he wasn't eating right or enough. So I guess this is a long way of saying, yes, what you are experiencing is normal, whatever that is. Since we were both retired, we often ate lunch out. During one chemo he wanted Chinese and during another he wanted Mexican. Go figure. Hang in there. Fay

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member

    I have been the caregiver for my husband since July 2010 when he was first diagnosed with laryngeal cancer.  He has been thru 72 rounds of radiation, 10 rounds of chemo and surgery.  During this time he has been on a feeding tube two different times.  Now he is on a feeding tube permanently and when I tell him he needs to drink more water to stay hydrated he gets mad and starts crying and saying I'm being mean to him.  We have been married for almost 53 years.  I married him right out of high school, I love him with all my heart, but at times during this journey I get so mad at him that I'm horrible.  Caregiving is hard but as a caregiver we must take care of ourselves too because we are important.  It is hard there is no way of getting around it.

    My husband has been on in-home hospice since September 2013 (he refused further treatment two years ago this month and it was his decision to go on hospice) and he is deteriorating daily.  He is nothing but skin and bones but is still able to do for himself.  He is not confined to a bed but sleeps the majority of the time.  I have told him that if he doesn't care if he eats or drinks, then I'm not going to force him, what's the use.  It is his decision not mine.  As horrible as it is to watch him, I can't force him to take in more nutrition.  All it does is lead to fighting and crying which does neither of us any good.  

    The best thing for you is to remember everything is his decision and his alone as hard as it is for you as his wife and caregiver and to take care of yourself because you are important too.