Recently Diagnosed

Denise,

First off, I am so sorry to see you have had to find us, but the women here are here to help. With that said, be sure you are seeing a gynecological oncologist.  If you are at Sloan, I suspect you are, but it never hurts to ask.  They specialized in the below the belt cancers and that is who you want to do your surgery.  (NEVER hesitate to ask for a second opinion)

There is no easy route here, so please don't beat yourself up.  I do not have any children, but I am a little older than you.  When I was told I had cancer I couldn't help but wonder how I would feel if I had been younger and been given such news, which would mean I would not have the ability to have children.  I am sorry you were given such news and would also recommend speaking with your priest/pastor/rabbi (if you are religious) or a counselor (perhaps through your employee assistance program) to work through your feelings.  I do know there are a few other young women out here who have had to face the same conflict and I hope they post or send you a private message.

Cancer is scary and everyone responds to treatment differently, so be careful of what is out there on the world wide web. 

Sorry you had to find this board but glad you did since your diagnosis.  I'm 53 and was 51 at time of diagnosis.  I don't have children either.  I was never blessed with them.  I came to terms with that a long time ago.  I, too, don't feel you are being selfish.  It's your body.  Consider all your options, talk to people you trust, get a second opinion and third if you would feel better.  Whatever you decide is what is right for you.  No regrets.  Regrets only lead to pain.  I don't know what I would of done if I were in your shoes.  You are amongst friends and sisters now, so come back often if you need to.  We will cry or laugh with you and these ladies are great at encouragement.

Jeanette

Ardnasnit said:

Hi Denise,

Welcome to the

Hi Denise,

Welcome to the Peach Sisterhood! I am sorry that you had to find us, but this is a great site for support.

I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer at the end of May. I am 39 and I like you do not have any children. I was given the following treatment options to prolong my fertility through hormone treatment or have a hysterectomy. This was a hard decision for me as well because I have always dreamed of having kids, but I also wanted the cancer out of my body. This is such a personal decision and is hard for someone else to give advice on. Before my surgery, I also wondered if it was being selfish to go through with the surgery. I researched the hormone treatment and the surgery. I then talked to a friend and a couple of my sisters to see if I had thought through everything. I was a little surprised when one of my sisters told me she thought it was being selfish not to have the surgery. I don’t say this to confuse you more I am saying it just to let you know how those who love you might think of it. I also knew that if I decided to have children in the future there was also adoption and being a foster parent. There are so many children looking for a family and I knew that I could be that family. So to answer your question, no it is not selfish to have the surgery and think about having kids in the future. At the moment you need to think about your health and what is the best way to get and stay healthy. I decided to have the surgery because for me personally I knew that was the best way not to stress out over whether it is spreading or not and I wanted it out.

Like NoTimeForCancer, I would definitely suggest that you find someone to talk to and make sure you are seeing a gynecologist oncologist. Also don’t be too hard on yourself, you have a lot of hard decisions to make and being too hard on yourself will just make it harder.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or just want to talk. I will be happy to help in any way I can.

Sandra

Denise, if I had a magic wand you, at such a young age, wouldn't be dealing with any serious illness at all. That is how we all believe it should be, but sadly life is unpredictable. We can influence and even perhaps control some things in our  lives, but much of it is outside of our control, as you and I are painfully aware. You must take care of your health, first and foremost. No Time and Sandra have given you great advice. I don't know how you can receive proper treatment without having a hysterectomy. It is not until your female organs are removed that a true diagnosis is made from a pathology assessment. My doctor said that he thought I had a stage 1 cancer that is curable, but that was not the case. The pathology report showed a much worse scenario, with a poor prognosis. But I am 30 years older than you and have lived a wonderful life.  Without your life, you can't be a Mom, whether to your own biological children or to adopted or foster children. Seek a second opinion or a third opinion if needed.

Best wishes to you in whatever you decide.

Cathy

denissita said:

thank you

Ladies, thank you All for making me feel better. It was truly hard to speak to someone without then having gone or be going through with what I am. I am currently seeing a gynecologist oncologist at Sloan Kettering. This is the second doctor I see and well the same recommendations were given. My only concern was not regretting my decision in the future.  I appreciate all your concerns and you guys made me feel better.  i know that I am not alone and I am glad to have messaged you. I am fine with adopting. I will be honest with all of you when I found out I had cancer I cried for days and during all this time I said its my life before anything I will get the surgery. I then went to the oncologist and I mentioned what the statistic were of IVF and so on and she is told me that the percentage I mentioned is a lot for someone who wants to have a child. That made me feel horrible like I was being a bad person or selfish and that's where my doubts came in. I know her intentions were not this but she wanted give me all the information I needed. 

Can you ladies tell me what did you guys feels after the surgery. Emotionally and physically how radical was the change. 

Again, I want to thank you all for your time. I must admit some of your comments brought a smile to my face, something that I have not done in days.

 

 

i was fifty at diagnosis and already had my family through marriage.  I can't imagine how I would have felt much younger.  I can tell you that I always wanted children and learned that families come in all different ways.  Most of us writing here had the full hysterectomy along with removals of tubes, ovaries, in my case all pelvic lymph nodes too.  I swear the run up to the surgery was the most stressful.  After surgery I learned that I do laugh a lot in my life, it hurt!  Have a pillow handy for the ride home and roughly the next two weeks to keep over your incision site when sitting, laughing, sneezing, coughing etc.   It makes all of that much easier!  For me the emotional transition after surgery wasn't that bad, mainly because I was focused on doctors appointments and getting ready for chemo etc.  The emotional journey has been much harder lately but that is for other reasons.  The physical recovery I don't recall as being that bad; I walked as much as I could starting out at one block then up to a mile plus.  Stay hydrated, be kind to yourself, be open to the experiences and moments of grace around you and it is okay to have bad days too.  I am now 22 months into my fight and am grateful for the amazing experiences I have had because of my cancer.  Stay strong, you can do this.  Hugs - Anne

denissita said:

Thank you Anne.  I have been

Thank you Anne.  I have been moving more and more go towards getting the hysterectomy. How did the chemo go? I was told that after surgery they would know if I need chemo or not. I am also afraid of its side affects. Thank you for sharing with me. 

I had six rounds of carboplatin / taxol; one every three weeks.  It was like having a bad flu for a few days, body pain then you recover and do it all over again.  Everything that happens is temporary and your body really does recover between treatments.  I think though, if you don't mind my taking the liberty, hopefully you may not have to go through chemo.  My doctors kept me focused on what we knew and we were doing at that time.  If you do learn that you need to, reach out and we are all here for you With our various experiences.  Hang tough and good luck with your decision!

denissita said:

thank you

Ladies, thank you All for making me feel better. It was truly hard to speak to someone without then having gone or be going through with what I am. I am currently seeing a gynecologist oncologist at Sloan Kettering. This is the second doctor I see and well the same recommendations were given. My only concern was not regretting my decision in the future.  I appreciate all your concerns and you guys made me feel better.  i know that I am not alone and I am glad to have messaged you. I am fine with adopting. I will be honest with all of you when I found out I had cancer I cried for days and during all this time I said its my life before anything I will get the surgery. I then went to the oncologist and I mentioned what the statistic were of IVF and so on and she is told me that the percentage I mentioned is a lot for someone who wants to have a child. That made me feel horrible like I was being a bad person or selfish and that's where my doubts came in. I know her intentions were not this but she wanted give me all the information I needed. 

Can you ladies tell me what did you guys feels after the surgery. Emotionally and physically how radical was the change. 

Again, I want to thank you all for your time. I must admit some of your comments brought a smile to my face, something that I have not done in days.

 

 

Denissita, all of it is pretty scary.  Surgery?  Scary.  Chemo?  Scary.  Radiation?  Scary.  It does depend on what type of cancer they find that determines what your treatment is.  There is a "typical garden variety type" - Type I (have you ever heard cancer called anything like that?!) and the other more aggressive types we talk about here - Type II (UPSC, MMMT, and a few others - I don't mean to miss any of those others they just don't come it mind so my apologies to all of the ladies here)

Do you know if there were looking at a robotic (DaVinci) surgery or the traditional large cut to the abdomen.  I suspect as someone young, and hopefully with little to no other health issues, the Da Vinci surgery is what they would recommend.  I think quite a few women of us have had the DaVinci and it was VERY easy.  One night in the hospital and I was cleared to drive in 2 weeks.  I think others will have similar (or less) out of pocket time.  I was amazed as were all my friends.  I think the bloating feeling I had afterwards lasted for longer than that (I remember my underwear feeling like it was cutting in to me) but I wore loose dresses.

Chemo is scary but doable.  Having done it, I have worked with several people who have come to me to ask about chemo after they have been diagnosed.  I tell them "you can do it, in fact you are going to amaze yourself".  I don't know about MMMT, but UPSC is hormonal so I did have a complete hysterectomy and hormones are not an option for me ever.  But a great friend of mine had her uterus removed ONLY and was able to keep her ovaries - again, it depends on the type of cancer.

Take a breath.  This is a journey.  Hopefully you can have someone go with you to the doctor and can play your "secretary".  My BFF sat and wrote all the things that were said so I could concentrate on the doctor.  (It is impossible to remember everything you are told)  She also asked questions that she had - that was fine with me. 

Try not to get too far ahead of yourself here.  This is one step at a time.  Find out what you are dealing with first.  The others things will follow.  We will be here then too.

I too was recently diagnosed although I am much older.  I understand you want to have children, but you need to preserve your life first.   Have the hysterecomy and adopt a child who needs and will love you.