I'm just going to ask. .no pussyfooting... it there any chance we will resume our sex life again? ?

granmudder
granmudder Member Posts: 41 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

I miss being intimate and I feel so guilty for missing it.  We can't talk  about it certainly not easily. ..l hate to complain a in and I shouldn't. . But I do miss our lives. .mind you it had diminished for over year before. . Even a few years it has decreased. .dunno b it makes akes me  guilty sellfish..

Comments

  • jackflash22
    jackflash22 Member Posts: 524 Member
    #2
    I'm sure

    you will. I should imagine most of us going through this dreadful illness and treatment would be able to summon up the energy for a normal sex life. There's no reason to stop the closeness you share. Cuddles don't take energy. Kissing may be difficult and maybe unpleasant (mucous). It takes some time to regain your energy but it does come back. The shock to the body after surgery and radiation takes it's toll for some time. Give it time and snuggle up. There's been nothing said about the intimate part of the recovery on the site but maybe now there will be.

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #3
    Sex Life

    What is that, just joking?

    Everyone is going to be different so please remember that. When I did my first treatment it took about a year or more for my sex life to start to come back.  Right about when things were getting almost normal I had my second fight with C. All in all a little of my sex life came back but that took years. The radiation & Chemo in our bodies takes a very long time to get rid of and the damage sometimes to our bodies takes a long time to heal; but it will in time heal. I agree with Jackie give it times, snuggle up and keep trying.

     

    Tim Hondo

  • TracyLynn72
    TracyLynn72 Member Posts: 839
    #4
    I've wanted to ask the same thing!

    It's coming back very slowly.  I am so blessed to have a patient man!  He is just so happy to have me here with him that he's not rushing anything else.  I have to get used to the new ME and he knows that.  Open communication is key!

  • hrowe
    hrowe Member Posts: 57
    #5
    No problem - just gotta heal up

    It will be back! Been there done that. Laughing

  • Roar
    Roar Member Posts: 269 Member
    #6
    I had cisplatin

    I had citsplatin - it kills everything including the little swimming guys- but my sex live resumed about 6 months after treatment - at first not a chance- but patience helped. When I first finished treatment all I cared about if they got all the cancer and gaining some weight and regaining my appetite which took a long time. I am 57 and I didn't thinking would ever have sex again- then my doctor suggested Viagra . I work out, eat healthy and from time to time enjoy being intimate with my wife. Sex is great. But it's not everything. I felt the same way you do. This is a very selfish recovery process, try to have your wife involved as much as possible - sometimes a little snuggling is better than sex. I hope everything work out- Good luck 

  • robswife87
    robswife87 Member Posts: 209
    #7
    I was the caregiver

    I asked a lot of questions regarding this way back like a year and a half ago. 

    I was the caregiver and my husband the patient. While going through this, the patient will not feel up to it. In fact the caregiver is probably a little tired too. You have to be careful if still recieving chemo as it is a poison and will transfer via fluids. If the patient feels like it make sure to use condoms as to not pass the chemicals.

    It is not selfish to think about what was. Your life will recover in new and better ways. Cancer does not discriminate and sucks but don't let it win.

    It was over 6 months before my husband felt good enough and had enough energy for sex. Even then it wasn't as frequent and found, although important, not everything. 

    Sandy

  • granmudder
    granmudder Member Posts: 41 Member
    #8
    robswife87 said:

    I was the caregiver

    I asked a lot of questions regarding this way back like a year and a half ago. 

    I was the caregiver and my husband the patient. While going through this, the patient will not feel up to it. In fact the caregiver is probably a little tired too. You have to be careful if still recieving chemo as it is a poison and will transfer via fluids. If the patient feels like it make sure to use condoms as to not pass the chemicals.

    It is not selfish to think about what was. Your life will recover in new and better ways. Cancer does not discriminate and sucks but don't let it win.

    It was over 6 months before my husband felt good enough and had enough energy for sex. Even then it wasn't as frequent and found, although important, not everything. 

    Sandy

    I too am the caregiver Sandy.....

    Thus my struggle with the selfishness of the situation.. I am very fortunate to have a very affectionate husband He has always been that way .. I wasnt even  certain I had posed the question in the first place thought i had dreamnt it but I am glad i did at least i know  that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.... and that I am not the only person to wonder about what was...  I am very blessed to have such a careing man who loves me so much.  He is very surprised at how long it takes to feel normal I read a lot of the threads here so I can see that for each person it is different looks like 6 months to several years... we just met  with an aqquaitance who battled the exact same cancer as my hubby ... he said to Tony you look good lost a lot of weight though... then He said you are looking at about 3 years to be better.... oh my my husbands whole body changed He looked defeated... we came home after a crazy rough day at work.. he was tired very tired..... we talked about the upcoming Pet Scan on the 21st of November... .. He says if he is not clear He would not do more treatment... i believe He is clear and will be fine ............ I have to or I dont sleep.... one day at a time right? ... we are trying to plan a vacation in Februar y... hoping he is feeling well enough he does try to eat but still not gaining any weight... rambeling now again....... really appreciate how everyone here try to help anf give answers ... it keeps me sane. I love him so much.

  • jackflash22
    jackflash22 Member Posts: 524 Member
    #9
    Head and neck cancer and sex

    look at my posting of a site you can find what you wanted to know

  • granmudder
    granmudder Member Posts: 41 Member
    #10
    jackflash22 said:

    Head and neck cancer and sex

    look at my posting of a site you can find what you wanted to know

    Thank you!!

    Once again I must thankyou ... the internet is full of so much information and it wonderful to have people like you and the other members on this site to help direct  people like myself to find the correct information... 

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #11
    granmudder, there is nothing

    granmudder, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about.  I am on the other foot, I was the patient.  I am the one feeling guilty as I have NO desire and absolutely can't stand the thought of sex since tx.  I don't know if its the way I look now, the way I breathe thru my neck, all the scars, i really have no idea why, I just know I can't be intimate.  It has been 2.5 years for me and i'm afraid it may never come back.  I don't think this is the norm though, but I have never been normal so you can't judge by me...lol.  I'm praying your hubby will soon gain back some of his energy and desire and the two of you can be almost like your old selves very soon.

    God bless you,

    dj

  • fishmanpa
    fishmanpa Member Posts: 1,227 Member
    #12
    Ah Hem.....

    I was too sick to even think about sex during and immediately after treatment. Once I got my sea legs under me again, all has been well. It helps that I have a beautiful, sexy Chiquita as my wife. We've actually found sex to be more satisfying than it's ever been. 

    Positive thoughts and Coochie Coochie ;)

    "T"

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