failed reconstruction

I'm so sorry you have been thru so many surgeries. I can't give you any advice because I decided against getting reconstruction, but since you really want this, there must be a way. Could you possibly take a break? My surgeon says that if I change my mind at any time, I can get surgery done and I don't rule it out at some point. Maybe your body needs some rest. You should certainly research the problem and find the very best care you can afford to avoid further troubles. In the meantime, try not to feel less of a woman. My prosthesis is so good, nobody can tell but my husband. I find I take more care with dress and make-up than before I was sick. That's what real femininity is all about. Being warm and joyous makes people want to be around you. Not many people care what your body looks like after all. Good luck to you, Anna

Nancy, I most certainly wish you the best of luck. You seem to have been through more than your share of problems with your reconstruction. I had a right side only mastectomy in March 2010. I had a tissue expander put in at that time. When treatment was over I had the expander removed and an implant was placed. My left breast was reduced and lifted so as to match the reconstructed side. It was definitely not the result I had anticipated. Since my plastic surgeon seemed less than interested in revising his shoddy work I went to another surgeon for the revision reconstruction. The revision surgery took more than twice as long as the original implant placement.  She did a great job and I couldn't be happier with the result. I am, however, angry that I had to have such major revision done at all. 

I think all cancer survivors are grateful that they have been given a second chance. I know that I am.  How we deal with body image issues varies widely. I find it incredibly sad that you "feel less than a woman" without your boobs.  You are more than entitled to feel that way though. I think with the awful problems you have had with reconstruction you have to decide when/if you are going to continue with reconstruction. At some point  you may decide that enough is enough and that you are done. My husband also did not care whether or not I had reconstruction. He left it entirely up to me. I wanted to be able to look "normal" when I was wearing clothes. I was not interested in dealing with a prosthesis so I chose a surgical option. I can understand when you say that you feel like part of you is "missing." My surgeon talked to me about this and he wisely said that if you think about it, a body part has been amputated and you have a right to grieve its loss. The way you are dealing with that grief may be a problem. Perhaps you should consider going to see a  psychologist or a psychiatrist. I am sure your oncologist can make the appropriate referral. You should not be so depressed and dysfunctional for so long. 

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. 

IRENE

Depression/anxiety is so common with survivors.  There are times when it has hit me by sursprise, even though I am a healthcare professional.  I had one nurse ask me (when I was crying buckets) whether I was taking anything for anxiety/depression.

I got the hint and called my oncologist and he called in a prescription for an antidepressant/antianxiety med.  Within a few days, I felt better.

Don't neglect this side of your medical care.  The constant stress of being ill, having cancer, not healing, etc - it probably all takes a biochemical toll on some of those psych neurotransmitters.

Your feelings about your breasts are your feelings and, I suspect, fairly common.  I had reconstruction decades ago, and yet there are times when I still miss my original breasts.  I have no idea why!  Lol.  The feelings do subside in time. 

Sending gentle hugs and prayers!

ncorbalis said:

Thank you cypresscynthia....I

Thank you cypresscynthia....I am going to see my plastic surgeon and see if he can 

Give me an anti depressen although I hate pills and not good with taking them except

 For tamoxifen..lol....and for the record, I don't miss my DD's...but at least I felt symmetrical. 

Thanks again.

So sorry to hear what you've been through.   

My sister had a lot of trouble after her bilateral - mainly on the left side.  After several additional surgeries, taking the expander out, waiting, putting it back in, etc. it was determined that it was the initial expander.   She had an infection the entire time.   They were finally able to remove all the affected tissue, get rid of the infection, heal up and she now has her permanent implants - but it was a long journey.   Hang in there.

My plastic surgeon has been great.  I have been fortunate to not have complications after my bilateral and then placement of the implants.  One thing that he did that my sister's surgeon didn't was to keep me overnight to administer boatloads of antibiotics.  If I had to go to the dentist he had me start antibiotics before I went.   And if I have heard it once I've heard it a 1000 times -lotion, lotion, lotion especially on the radiated side.

Don't hesitate to ask for help with depression.   I am on 3 antidepressants and have been for quite a while.  It has kept me sane while dealing with cancer, my son's head injury, having to move.

disneyfan2008 said:

Thinking of you..
 
Denise

Thinking of you..

 

Denise

You sound like a young woman since you say you have a 9 year old son.  I'm not saying that makes losing breasts any harder or easier, but losing what makes us feel feminine can be devastating.   Losing breasts IS a big deal for so many women.  Of course, you're happy to be alive, and losing breasts vs. losing your life is a no brainer.  It still doesn't feel good to not feel whole.  I hope you can wait and have a successful reconstruction down the road.  I was 63 when I had my surgery (a lumpectomy) and even at my age, I am often so thankful I did not have to have a mastectomy.  No one understands the loss or what breast cancer surgery and treatments leave us with.  It matters how you feel, not how someone else tells you they think you should feel. 

All cancer surgeries leave people with a scar, but a scar from abdominal surgery doesn't have the same impact as losing a visible part of us.  I had a hysterectomy for uterine cancer and I dont look at those scars (laparoscopic) and say, OMG, I don't feel feminine - even though losing my reproductive organs probably contributed more to making me a woman than my breasts.  It's just not the same.

Altho I have my breast, I have been left with permanent hair loss.  I think I understand what it means to lose a part of yourself that makes you feel feminine.  Of course, no one dies from not having breasts or not having hair, but . ..  Sure we can cover up the damage from surgery and treatments (I wear wigs, you can wear a prosthesis) and feel good for a while, but at the end of the day . . . . . Time has indeed helped me emotionally.  I do hope you can have a successful reconstruction, but perhaps you would benefit from some emotional support.  We can provide that, but some professional help might be needed to help you set a direction and problem solve some of the issues you're facing.  I'm not saying that makes everything ok and get over it, please understand that I don't mean that.  Intellectually we know our physical health trumps our physicality, but we are individual emotional beings and it's really ok to feel whatever we feel. 

Sending my hugs and support that a solution will be found for you.  Perhaps a second opinion from a different plastic surgeon?  At a major teaching hospital?

Suzanne