Update again 9/2/14

jim and i
jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
edited September 2014 in Head and Neck Cancer #1

UPDATE 9/2/14 : DOCTOR REPORTED THE NEW SPOT WAS INDEED A TUMOR AND A BLOODY ONE. HE SAID THAT HE STOPPED THE BLEEDING. NOW I HAVE A NEW DISAGREEMENT WITH ANOTHER SISTER. SHE SAYS WE SHOULD NOT TELL MOM WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID, LET THE DOC TELL HER ON MONDAY AT THE APPOINTMENT. i SAY WE SHOULD TELL HER BECAUSE SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW, IT IS HER BODY. SO WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK? i WANT TO TELL HER. i WOULD WANT MY CHILDREN TO TELL ME. pLEASE HELP!

Well I am finally moved in, not unpacked though. I have had some unexpected interruptions. My mother started coughing up blood, having breathing problems and her voice is getting very raspy. Her doctor scheduled a CT which showed the place in her right lung had grown a little (she refused a biopsy 4 years ago when they found it) and they found a new place in the right lung. The pulmenary doctor thinks that is what is bleeding. She finally agreed to a bronchial scope. The new spot looks different and I think the doctor is pretty sure it is cancer. She goes on Tuesday for the procedure at 9:15 am. Please pray for her and the doctor. There are eight of us children and a couple do not want her to have the procedure because of her age and they think she is too old for any treatment or surgery. She is 83. They are upsetting her because they keep trying to talk her out of it. They talked her out of the biopsy four years ago. Please pray for them that they can accept her decision now and in the future. And pray for me too. This is way to soon after loosing Jim. I am also the one who usually was the care taker in the family and I need to let go and make them take that role now, for my own sake.

And my sons jaw is still bothering him. They put him on steroids for a week and they helped some but now it is back. Doctors think it is stress and is causing him to grit his teeth in his sleep. That is where he is right now. Hope it is resolved soon.

Blessings to you all.

Debbie

Comments

  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
    #2
    Hi Debbie ...

    It's been so long since I have been on here.  I'm so sorry for the loss of Jim.  I remember how much he loved to fish....I was and am so in awe of your and Jim's relationship and what a great caretaker you are to him.  Bless you Debbie and I have whispered prayers for you, your mom and your family ...I know it's so easy to say, but please take care of yourself in all of this as you work to care for your mother...

    Best,

     

    Tim

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #3
    You

    Glad to hear you have gotten moved, take your time getting settled now.  Remember everything doesn't have to be done in one day.

    Sorry to hear about your mother and will say a prayer for her and you that everything will be fine.  Your siblings need to realize that it is your mother's decision and hers alone as to treatment.  A lot, if it is cancer, will depend on her overall health as to her treatment plan.   I can remember about 20 years ago, two doctors had told Joe, after a chest x-ray and another test (don't remember which one)  that he had advanced lung cancer and there was nothing that could be done.  They referred him to a specialist who did the bronoscope and I was waiting with another woman whose husband was going thru the same thing and we talked.  Well my husband's doctor came out and told me that Joe didn't have cancer but a severe lung infection that kept him in the hospital for a week on strong IV antibodics.   How much I wish that had been the same story 4 years ago when it was discovered that Joe did have cancer. 

    Wishing you the peace and comfort -- Sharon

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #4
    Tim6003 said:

    Hi Debbie ...

    It's been so long since I have been on here.  I'm so sorry for the loss of Jim.  I remember how much he loved to fish....I was and am so in awe of your and Jim's relationship and what a great caretaker you are to him.  Bless you Debbie and I have whispered prayers for you, your mom and your family ...I know it's so easy to say, but please take care of yourself in all of this as you work to care for your mother...

    Best,

     

    Tim

    Thank you and Bless you

    Thank you and Bless you Tim

    Debbie

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #5
    Ladylacy said:

    You

    Glad to hear you have gotten moved, take your time getting settled now.  Remember everything doesn't have to be done in one day.

    Sorry to hear about your mother and will say a prayer for her and you that everything will be fine.  Your siblings need to realize that it is your mother's decision and hers alone as to treatment.  A lot, if it is cancer, will depend on her overall health as to her treatment plan.   I can remember about 20 years ago, two doctors had told Joe, after a chest x-ray and another test (don't remember which one)  that he had advanced lung cancer and there was nothing that could be done.  They referred him to a specialist who did the bronoscope and I was waiting with another woman whose husband was going thru the same thing and we talked.  Well my husband's doctor came out and told me that Joe didn't have cancer but a severe lung infection that kept him in the hospital for a week on strong IV antibodics.   How much I wish that had been the same story 4 years ago when it was discovered that Joe did have cancer. 

    Wishing you the peace and comfort -- Sharon

    Thank you Sharon. You are

    Thank you Sharon. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I have tried in so many ways to explain it is mom's decision alone and the kindest thing we can do is support her in her decision whether we agree or not. They still continue to try talking her out of it and upsetting my mom. All I can do is pray they will see she needs their support not advice.

    Blessings, Debbie

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #6
    Thoughts and Prayers...

    You are always in my thoughts and prayers...

    ~John

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #7
    Debbie, i'm glad the move is

    Debbie, i'm glad the move is over, you can take your time unpacking and that will keep you busy a while.  i'm sorry to hear about your mom.  you have so much going on right now, please remember to take care of you.  I am saying a prayer for you, your mom and son.  its hard to accept other's decisions sometimes but like you said, it is HER decision and other's must respect that.  i'm glad you gave us an update on Lonnie as I was wondering what you'd heard.  it sounds like they're still not sure what it is.  praying they get some answers soon and that its good news.  keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    God bless you,

    dj

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #8
    Skiffin16 said:

    Thoughts and Prayers...

    You are always in my thoughts and prayers...

    ~John

    As you are John
     

    As you are John

     

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #9
    Hi Debbie

    Sorry to hear the news about your mother, but as with me the children need to let her decide on the direction she wants to go. She is only 83 and as long as she can still do for herself she knows what she needs to do. I am blessed as my children know and respect all of my choices that I make; I even have it all on my Living Will so that there is no problem if something happens and I become comatose. I find this makes it easy on everyone so that there is no deciding on what is best; It is there for them in black and white.

     

    God be you and your Mother and Son

    Tim Hondo         

  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
    #10
    Hondo said:

    Hi Debbie

    Sorry to hear the news about your mother, but as with me the children need to let her decide on the direction she wants to go. She is only 83 and as long as she can still do for herself she knows what she needs to do. I am blessed as my children know and respect all of my choices that I make; I even have it all on my Living Will so that there is no problem if something happens and I become comatose. I find this makes it easy on everyone so that there is no deciding on what is best; It is there for them in black and white.

     

    God be you and your Mother and Son

    Tim Hondo         

    Debbie

    Just a few years ago, my Mom had a dx of stomach cancer. She was older than 83 when it happened.  They did surgery and she just had her 89th (cancer free) birthday in July. When the first doc said no to surgery and mentioned radiaiton, I cried and said no, I couldn't see my Mom going through that. Thankfully, another doctor came forward and said he was comfortable doing the surgery. My Mom and all 7 of her children were in agreement to try the surgery. It was the right choice for us. Yes, we ran the risk of losing her to surgery but at the same time, did not want to watch her suffer with the disease. For us, surgery was the right choice.  I am sorry that your family is having to make difficult choices. Prayers for you & yours.

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #11
    Debbie

    First off, I'm sorry to hear the news about your mother.  If it was me, I would want to know before seeing the doctor so I could have questions ready to ask.  Your mother should know because after all any treatment will be her decision.  Does she have a living will?  As long as she is of sound mind, any decision should be her's and her's alone.  I am sorry that some of your siblings don't understand that.  My mother had a living will and she made her wishes known and all 4 of us went along with her decisions, just like Joe has a living will and has made his wishes known.

    Wishing you peace and comfort -- Sharon

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #12
    Ladylacy said:

    Debbie

    First off, I'm sorry to hear the news about your mother.  If it was me, I would want to know before seeing the doctor so I could have questions ready to ask.  Your mother should know because after all any treatment will be her decision.  Does she have a living will?  As long as she is of sound mind, any decision should be her's and her's alone.  I am sorry that some of your siblings don't understand that.  My mother had a living will and she made her wishes known and all 4 of us went along with her decisions, just like Joe has a living will and has made his wishes known.

    Wishing you peace and comfort -- Sharon

    deb, i'm with the others, i

    deb, i'm with the others, i think she has a right to know.  it is happening to her and i don't think anyone has the right to hide that from her.  if she found out info was being hidden from her she could make her docs stop telling you kids.  have your siblings consider that.  it is her choice in the end.

    God bless you and good luck with your siblings.

    dj

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #13
    debbiejeanne said:

    deb, i'm with the others, i

    deb, i'm with the others, i think she has a right to know.  it is happening to her and i don't think anyone has the right to hide that from her.  if she found out info was being hidden from her she could make her docs stop telling you kids.  have your siblings consider that.  it is her choice in the end.

    God bless you and good luck with your siblings.

    dj

    Well it was four who said

    Well it was four who said tell her and three said no, one was not available for opinion so I told her. I might have 3 sisters very angry at me but I don't care. My mom said she was happy I told here because she would not have liked to hear it in the doctors office. Please pray the 3 sisters forgive me.

    Debbie

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #14
    jim and i said:

    Well it was four who said

    Well it was four who said tell her and three said no, one was not available for opinion so I told her. I might have 3 sisters very angry at me but I don't care. My mom said she was happy I told here because she would not have liked to hear it in the doctors office. Please pray the 3 sisters forgive me.

    Debbie

    Hi Debbie

    You did the right thing no matter who gets mad you did the right thing.

     God Bless and keep you and your Mother in His care

    Tim Hondo

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #15
    Hondo said:

    Hi Debbie

    You did the right thing no matter who gets mad you did the right thing.

     God Bless and keep you and your Mother in His care

    Tim Hondo

    All but one sister realized

    All but one sister realized it was the right thing to do. All I can do is pray she forgives me of what she precieved was wrong.

    Debbie

     

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #16
    Sorry to hear...

    Your mother must have it set up for the doctor to tell you and your sisters, because he can't do that without her written permission. Why would he tell you before her I don't know, but if she is seeing her doctor on Monday it is his place to tell her. You can wait until then, and then you can explain it to her if he didn't. The dission for treatment should be all hers, and not her children. [If she is coherent] The dr will do a biopsy when he does the bronchial scope. If this would have been done four years ago it might have been corrected and not having to go through this now.

    I agree you need then to step up and be the caregiver. You need to recover from what you went and still going through. We will keep you in our prayers.

    Just my 2 cents

    Bill

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #17
    there was no right or wrong

    Until you told her. When you did and she said she was glad you did, you knew it was for the best.  Neither way was really wrong.  What awful stressors family members put on one another.   Prayers for you, your mom and your family.  Please take care of yourself in all of this.  Hugs, Debbie.

  • luv4lacrosse
    luv4lacrosse Member Posts: 1,410 Member
    #18
    STAY STRONG

    It is her body, and I think the sooner she knows, the better she willbe equipped to determine what her doctor will say.

    Keeping you in my thoughts.

    Mike

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