How Cancer Can Change On You In a Week's Time
Well, I've slipped off the slippery slope, folks:(
The operation has just about worn out and run it's course apparently...the pain has ramped up exponentially this past week. It's hard to breathe, hard to talk, hard to walk, hard to sit, hard to lay down and hard to sleep. For 13 months I've dealt with 24 hour a day pain non-stop mind bending at times pain. That may be hard for you to understand. You really have to live it to have an appreciation for it. I've got zero quality of life at this point. Without this pain my cancer fight would be measurably better. I've simply got too much to battle. It's a world war inside my body as I'm fighting multiple fronts and enemies.
Things got so bad Friday that I could barely make the drive to the hospital. After we got there, the pain was so bad that I left the waiting room and went in the back and asked a nurse for a room so that I could lay down and wait to be called for treatment. She was so nice she found me a room, offered me a blanket and then went down and told Infusion where I was...pretty cool. They are so nice to me.
Trial is still ongoing but it's just reporting now....my operation here still looks to be 2 months away...by that time I'll be crippled and unable to go to appts.
Anyway, Friday we told my nurse I was in pain and fortunately he contacted my NP, who consulted with my regular onc. They are going to talk to a thoracic surgeon to see if they can offer anything to help me. The talk is of fusing a couple of bones together perhaps. If we're candidates I would find more out with the consult at that time.
Dear friends, there are times when I wish "I could turn out the lights.". And yet I fight on...I must get out of this pain and I'm fighting as hard as I ever have.
How many more surgeries?
I don't know...I've had 13 surgeries under my belt already. My body has take 10 years of this and I'm getting tired. Cancer really got me this time. But, still here giving it Hell...
So, if I drop off it's pain related, will try to check in when I can
Things may move quick; they could tell I was in alot of pain...the NP was stroking my hand she could see I was barely dialed in. I barely made treatment the other day. Other than appts I'm currently mostly bedridden; stuck in a room and in a bed, yet grateful They are there.
I'll keep trying (HARD).
Love to you all...
-Craig
Comments
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Sending you love Craig
Oh my friend. I am so very sorry you are suffering so much. my heart is heavy knowing you are in pain. You remain in my prayers and my thoughts Craig.
Aloha,
Kathleen
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Craig,
my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. I hope there is more they can do for you. Please, don't worry about us here. Take care of yourself. Hugs!
Lin
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Dearest Craig
No one who knows you would doubt that you are giving your all to overcome these issues.
Is there any way that they can put you in the hospital and give you more pain meds to allow you more comfort until they can do more for long term pain control?
You are constantly in our thoughts and prayers.
Hugs and love,
Marie who loves kitties
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My Dearest friend, IMy Dearest friend, I barely know what to say...
How very sorry I am to hear that you're still in such pain after that operation. I had hoped it would provide you with a good measure of relief, but maybe the next one will do the trick. My thoughts are with you daily, I just wish I could do something to help with your pain.... Love ya buddy,
Cyn
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The strongest of the strong
I know that I could not fight as hard, and I admire your strength.
I pray that you will know the best path to take from here and that as you try to find more strength, your Doctor's can find a way to ease your pain.
Blessings!
SUE - TRUBRIT
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Honestly Craig
I really don't know how you've done it all these years. It takes a special kind of courage to get through a war that never seems to end.
You chose a good symbol for your avatar.
I so hope they can find something for you that helps with this pain. I know from my own experience with much less pain that enduring this on a daily basis is exhausting and depressing.
Big hugs coming your way, buddy~AA
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Craig,
Sometimes finding ourCraig,
Sometimes finding our inner Billie is a challenge! We are sending our thoughts and prayers for your inner strength to keep fighting the Dragon we all call cancer. Please know many people are thinking about you and sending you strength.
Best Always, mike
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It's been a long time since
It's been a long time since I've posted here, Craig. Like many others who've bailed out over the years, the influx of losses took their toll on me and when you're fighting an illness that is particularly stress agravated, pulling away from such immense grief becomes a necessity in order to heal. I have continued to follow you through your wife's posts and through the posts some of our friends on Facebook have made to update us all about you. Today, the message from Marie sounded urgent and it inspired me to send you my own message of encouragement and hope.
I have not been anywhere near what you've been through. In fact, I'm fairly sure no one else in the world has either. You have a strength unlike any i've ever seen or heard of. I've read stories about people who survived months at sea; nearly starved and thirsted to death with the sun beating them into submission day after day, yet they still survived. I see your challenge with cancer in the same way as far as what the human spirit can endure even when the body is screaming that it's had enough. That spirit can go on as long as there is hope in the heart and a glimmer of light on the horizon, of which there always is.
One thing I can definitely understand about pain is how it has a keen knack of altering our perception on whether or not we want to continue breathing. I've had that kind of pain, and when it finally ended I not only had a new lease on life, but my relationship with pain as a whole changed entirely. I still live with pain as a constant in my life, but I've learned how to both mentally and physically manage it. I've even been able to find contentment through it at times. When it gets worse than I can handle, I have back-ups for it. I'm pretty sure you've experienced this same thing time and time again in your past dealings with pain, so remember those times, and that they passed. as this time will pass, too. Carry on till your surgery and the healing process of that, and then go into plan mode so you can heal from it and come back stronger than before. You have all the tools you need to do it again; I mean how many times have we seen you do it before?! You'll get the upper hand on it one day, and then it will simply be gone. Just don't cry when you miss all the high octane excitement it brought to your life! You can always take up base jumping or mountain climbing to make up for the loss of thrills. lol.
Hang in there, dear, and know that you're always in my thoughts,
Krista
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Good energyKathiM said:I am putting my arms around you....hugging you HARD!!!!
Ah, my gentleman cowboy....I am sending all the good vibes I can....and warm hugs....
Love you with all of my heart....
Hugs, Kathi
I am sending all the strength and good positive energy. Living with pain is so difficult and you've handled it so well. I hope the pain will lessen. It's such a hard place to see people in pain and not be able to help. I'm certain that the friends you've made here would all jump in and take some pain to help you. Hoping words can help in some little way.
Yolanda
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YoYolllmbs said:Good energy
I am sending all the strength and good positive energy. Living with pain is so difficult and you've handled it so well. I hope the pain will lessen. It's such a hard place to see people in pain and not be able to help. I'm certain that the friends you've made here would all jump in and take some pain to help you. Hoping words can help in some little way.
Yolanda
This is a wonderful community over the years...great friends and good people:)
I'm blessed there. Nice to meet you and thanks for your posts.
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Hi Kristakristasplace said:It's been a long time since
It's been a long time since I've posted here, Craig. Like many others who've bailed out over the years, the influx of losses took their toll on me and when you're fighting an illness that is particularly stress agravated, pulling away from such immense grief becomes a necessity in order to heal. I have continued to follow you through your wife's posts and through the posts some of our friends on Facebook have made to update us all about you. Today, the message from Marie sounded urgent and it inspired me to send you my own message of encouragement and hope.
I have not been anywhere near what you've been through. In fact, I'm fairly sure no one else in the world has either. You have a strength unlike any i've ever seen or heard of. I've read stories about people who survived months at sea; nearly starved and thirsted to death with the sun beating them into submission day after day, yet they still survived. I see your challenge with cancer in the same way as far as what the human spirit can endure even when the body is screaming that it's had enough. That spirit can go on as long as there is hope in the heart and a glimmer of light on the horizon, of which there always is.
One thing I can definitely understand about pain is how it has a keen knack of altering our perception on whether or not we want to continue breathing. I've had that kind of pain, and when it finally ended I not only had a new lease on life, but my relationship with pain as a whole changed entirely. I still live with pain as a constant in my life, but I've learned how to both mentally and physically manage it. I've even been able to find contentment through it at times. When it gets worse than I can handle, I have back-ups for it. I'm pretty sure you've experienced this same thing time and time again in your past dealings with pain, so remember those times, and that they passed. as this time will pass, too. Carry on till your surgery and the healing process of that, and then go into plan mode so you can heal from it and come back stronger than before. You have all the tools you need to do it again; I mean how many times have we seen you do it before?! You'll get the upper hand on it one day, and then it will simply be gone. Just don't cry when you miss all the high octane excitement it brought to your life! You can always take up base jumping or mountain climbing to make up for the loss of thrills. lol.
Hang in there, dear, and know that you're always in my thoughts,
Krista
My nurses have been using that word strength. Guess I don't know any better:)
Thanks for atopping out to see me it's good to see you.
-Craig
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Know what you mean, Annieannalexandria said:Honestly Craig
I really don't know how you've done it all these years. It takes a special kind of courage to get through a war that never seems to end.
You chose a good symbol for your avatar.
I so hope they can find something for you that helps with this pain. I know from my own experience with much less pain that enduring this on a daily basis is exhausting and depressing.
Big hugs coming your way, buddy~AA
Honestly I don't know how either...
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Thanks, MarieLovekitties said:Dearest Craig
No one who knows you would doubt that you are giving your all to overcome these issues.
Is there any way that they can put you in the hospital and give you more pain meds to allow you more comfort until they can do more for long term pain control?
You are constantly in our thoughts and prayers.
Hugs and love,
Marie who loves kitties
For alerting the FB troops:)
Nice to see you once again.
I'm already at max pain relif, dangerously high ao hospital has nothing additional to add.
Besides, the chemical battle is a losing one and I need more direct intervention. Something has got to help.
Love/Craig
0
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