who would have thought being a survivor would sometimes be harder than being a patient

That is not an exageration at all, PTSD is a very real thing. I am a mother of 5 and grandmother of 7 little boys under the age of 6!  I am a 3yr (survivor) of Stage 3b anal cancer and 2yr (survivor) of breast cancer. I use that term survivor with a bit of caution as although I so far have made it through chemo/radiation/surgery the lasting side effects both physical and emotional do not always jive with the term survivor. Its definately been a matter of time and patience and then more time and more patience. I have some really great days most of the time now, but every now and then just out of the blue the stress associated with the traumatic events of this journey will show its ugly head.

We all heal diferently and at a different pace. For me, it was helpful to join a couple support groups. I pop on here occasionally as well as an in-person group once a month. While I am lucky to have supportive friends and family, they do not walk in my shoes and find that just "being" with others who do brings a sense of comfort.....just as it is important for a soldier returning from combat to remain connected to those fellow soldiers who shared that experience.

Our friends are often just happy that we "survived" or at least thats how they see it. So, me, I walk the relays, I usually say I'm doing well, and I pretty much am.  They don't see my scars, burns and missing parts, but thats ok, I have come to realize that they don't need to. What they need is to know that today, right now, I'm here  and happy to be so. They need to have hope for their future as well as my own and somehow we try to inspire each other.

Stay connected to people here who can relate, listen, and maybe offer advice, but if you ever feel its really more than you can handle please don't hesitate to talk to a doctor. Its not uncommon for people to need medication, even temporarily to aid in recovery of life's trauma.  I will hope that others chime in with help, but will also keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers for both physical and emotional health.

Be well.

katheryn

I agree that being a survivor can be harder than being a patient. I think this is related to many elements but I will focus on only two.

First of all, when you are diagnosed and fighting for your life, you are in a military mode. Your only goal is to survive. Once you are done fighting, you get into a whole new fight which is the mental fight. That’s when you realize what just happened and what it meant. So all those emotions come at the same time. Have you seen a veteran? Those people who are fighting the war, they look pretty strong and active. Noticed how after then return many of them get into a depression? And many look sad and somewhat lost? That’s parallel to the cancer fight.

Secondly, feeling a sense of being out of control. The fact is, we have no control over what will happen when it comes to cancer. Feeling out of control is scary and so we develop a fear created by our own imagination.

I have experienced this as well. I am 3 years out from diagnosis and I too feel the mental fight is the strongest. The body just listens to you but you are in control of thoughts which will eventually affect your body. The mind is primary (in my opinion).

How have I handled this? Taking one day at a time. Trying to do the things I love to do. And most importantly, EXCLUDING ALL NEGATIVITY (this includes people who have nothing to contribute in your life but negativity). Allowing yourself time to heal, slowly, not rush it.  

We must prioritize and start loving ourselves. All those things that used to bother us before cancer must take a different level now not dump it on top of the new worries. You ask yourself, what’s important right NOW? And you stick to that list for as long as you can.

Lastly, I want to add that we can only hold on to the positive in order to move forward. You survived this which is great! But also remembering you are a survivor of LIFE not just cancer. I am sure you have overcome other things too so maybe try to look at it that way. This is just another rock that got in my way and I removed it to keep going forward.

You can PM me if you wish to talk to someone. I am here.

Hugs to you. I hope today is better and tomorrow brings you a brighter light.

It has been 6 1/2 years now since my bilateral mastectomy, and about 2 years ago I was DX with PTSD.  But, medication and therapy have helped tremendously.

My daughters are  grown and live away from me, and I have no other family anymore in my area.   My plan is to move after I retire, and sometimes I think I am too tired to go through the whole process.  On the other hand, I believe it will be rejuvenating and help me to be healthier and maybe live longer.  ???????

I constantly worry about recurrence or metastasis.....I have learned to distract myself, like we do a baby or toddler.  That usually helps.

It is difficult, but we have our pink sisters here who listen and offer help.  Faith in God helps, too.

Hugs and Prayers for you.

Carol