We are home on hospice care

Kathleen808
Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1
Dear friends,
We are home. We are here with our two daughters and my mother. ****'s mom and sister are in a house down the street and his best friend is staying at another home. As the day went on yesterday, it became more and more clear that going home was the right thing to do. As confirmation, as we traveled over the mountain in the medical van on the way home there was a spectacular double rainbow. Honestly, it was leading us home. When we got here everything was set. I had contacted one of ****'s friends, who is a contractor, at 7:30 in the morning and told him **** was coming home on hospice. I asked if he could get an air conditioner installed by the afternoon in our bedroom. Sure enough, we entered a cool, calm room. The hospital bed was there along with O2 and the everything he needs. There was a warm meal on the table provided by neighbors and I even went outside and threw the ball to the dogs for a bit just to clear my head.
I asked his best friend to please stay on the couch as I was a bit scared to do the first night alone (my mom was in with our daughter with special needs, caring for her) and his best friend (from 2nd grade) stayed on the couch. I knew it would be a learning experience. One thing I learned is that I need a cot, not to be on a futon on the floor. I need to be eye level with him. Also, I am going to look into a nurse for night time so I can get some sleep. The thing is I will still stay in the room and I want someone else with eyes on him in case he needs something. When I think about it, it's a bit creepy to have someone staring at us when we sleep but at least I won't have to set me alarm every 30 to 45 minutes to check him.
This morning with everyone around to help, I took the younger (more energetic) dog for a walk as she must get exercise. What I found was the sun was still shining, the ocean was still spectacular and our friends are amazing. It pained me to look at our beautiful ocean and know that **** will not be back in it again or that we will not take another boat ride together. But, when I got back to the house I know at the bottom of my heart that it is time for him to go to eternal love. I know I have no idea how devastated I will be. I have never experienced the level of grief that awaits me or the weight of my children's grief. But, I also know that we will make it through and there will still be beauty and love. I'm not sure how we will make it, but we will.
Please continue to pray for peace.

Aloha,
Kathleen

Comments

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    #2
    Dear Friends,

    I wish you the strength to get through this difficult time. Don't ask or wonder why, what could it have been or how should it be, just appreciate what it was and what still is. 

    Laz

  • UncleBuddy
    UncleBuddy Member Posts: 1,019 Member
    #3
    Kathleen, you're a dear, sweet lady!

    I pray for peace for you and your family. Cherish the time you have left together. Lean on your family and friends. Hugs!

    Lin

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #4
    Too many

    I will pray for **** as I prayed for JBG & Sandi's husband, that the Lord will take **** home peacfully and at this point, quickly. Oh, that sounds so cruel, but I am sure it wouldn't be. 

    I am happy that you can find a moment to slip out onto the beach with your dog, although I don't doubt that you cannot wait to return and be by ****'s side. 

    You are most definitely in my prayers. 

    God bless!

    SUE

  • Luv2lunch
    Luv2lunch Member Posts: 270
    #5
    Peace

    Hi Kathleen,

    Still praying for the peace you and your family needs to get through this difficult time.

    Love,

    Linda and Mom

  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary Member Posts: 827 Member
    #6
    Luv2lunch said:

    Peace

    Hi Kathleen,

    Still praying for the peace you and your family needs to get through this difficult time.

    Love,

    Linda and Mom

    Being in your own home must

    Being in your own home must be consoling during this difficult time. You who love so well are surrounded by people who love you.  Be assured of our continued prayer.  Walk the beach as often as you can.

    Hugs,

    CM

  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    #7
    Luv2lunch said:

    Peace

    Hi Kathleen,

    Still praying for the peace you and your family needs to get through this difficult time.

    Love,

    Linda and Mom

    Kathleen

    I am glad you are home & are both surrounded by love of family & friends. **** can feel that, I'm sure.

    It is a devastating road that I have now traveled twice. All think we are strong but you & I both know we are dying inside.

    A cot is a good idea to stay close by. Please try to rest when **** does. I hope he is in no pain.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #8
    Dearest Kathleen

    I know that being home is a blessing to you all.  The comfort of familiar surroundings.  The help of family and friends. 

    Being strong for those who need you brings additional weight to your shoulders.  I am glad that you now have a chance to walk the beach and have time for your own thoughts, and to add your tears to the ocean that you both love. 

    Yes, you and the girls will make it through what lies ahead, not because you must, but because each day and each action will be a testament to your love of ****.  He will always be with you, because he will forever have his place in your heart.

    My love and prayers are with you all,

    Marie who loves kitties 

  • alexinlv
    alexinlv Member Posts: 194 Member
    #9
    Oh Kathleen, my heart is

    Oh Kathleen, my heart is breaking for you and yours.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Wishing you peace and continued comfort for **** in the coming days.  I am so glad you can be surrounded with the love of friends and family.  xo Alex 

  • lesvanb
    lesvanb Member Posts: 905
    #10
    Praying for Peace

    much love, Leslie

  • krf
    krf Member Posts: 98
    #11
    You are strong enough dear Kathleen

    Dear Kathleen,

    I haven't checked in here for a long time and am so sorry to see that you are at this place with ****. I am three years and two months out from where you are. You are strong enough. I am holding you in my heart.
    Much love to you.
    Kim (Wife of Crow71)

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #12
    Home

    Being home for you and him have to be wonderful and I'm so glad that everthing fell to place the way it did.  I'm so sad that he won't see the ocean again as well as when going through treatment I'd been surprised that he was able to go surfing and as much activity as he did.  I'm so glad that his friends and family are there.  You have a lot on your plate and I'm glad that you are getting help because you need the help and support.  Praying for peace for all of you.  Thank you for the update.  Wishing that you have some special moments now.

    Kim

  • marbleotis
    marbleotis Member Posts: 720 Member
    #13
    For your family

    I send love, peace and prayers.  Hold tight to each day. 

  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #14
    marbleotis said:

    For your family

    I send love, peace and prayers.  Hold tight to each day. 

    dearest Kathleen

     

    dearest Kath....I am still in the north so rarely have internet.  I am so so sorry to read this news of **** but very happy that you are home.  It sounds as if you are well supported and surrounded with loved ones.......this breaks our hearts Kath.....sending you such love.....

    mags

  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #15
    maglets said:

    dearest Kathleen

     

    dearest Kath....I am still in the north so rarely have internet.  I am so so sorry to read this news of **** but very happy that you are home.  It sounds as if you are well supported and surrounded with loved ones.......this breaks our hearts Kath.....sending you such love.....

    mags

    I'm here if you need me.  Big

    I'm here if you need me.  Big hug. 

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #16
    Kathleen

    I'm sending my love and hugs, what you wrote was so heartfelt and meaningful, you will find the strength, you always have.

    Love to you and your family,

    Winter Marie

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