Back on the sex wagon 4 years later....

gabby_ca
gabby_ca Member Posts: 38
in Anal Cancer #1

Thank you God I have a pseudo name...

My hubby died when I was 10 weeks pregnant with my son who is now 8. I was diagnosed with cancer when my son was 8 weeks old and finding a new 'friend' was not on my radar dealing with a newborn baby and a life-changing medical condition.

I have not dated anyone for the last 4 years as I have been busy raising my son and raising horses and being the best mom that I could be.

A few months ago, I met a potential 'friend' and it took a few months and over a bottle of wine, I told him of my cancer journey.  I didn't mention it before that not because I didn't know what to say.  It's been almost 8 years now for me and it's like that was a part of my old life.  I told him of the sexual repercussions of being a lady and having pelvic radiation and I told him that I had not had intercourse in over 4 years.

The only thing that I will say is 'COCONUT OIL'. :)  I use it always to give myself lubrication all the time when I am showering and it's so good for your skin etc.  Heck, I even brush my teeth with it.  It has no chemicals and it's organic and it beats the heck out of any lubrication and it smells like you are on a vacation. :)

That's all I am going to say.

Gabby

ps.  During the last 4 years, I did not use dilators at all and about 2 years ago, I started using coconut oil instead of hormones etc and it is the BEST.

 

Comments

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #2
    gabby

    Thanks for sharing this.  Post-treatment sexual issues are very frustrating!  I wish you all the best with your new "friend!"

  • Lori50
    Lori50 Member Posts: 6
    #3
    Wow!  I'm going to try this. 

    Wow!  I'm going to try this.  Could it be this simple?  If this works you've just saved a whole community that is suffering from lubricating and other painful issues. THANK YOU!

  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    #4
    Congratulations! and thank you!

    I really want to thank you for your post.

    I work a lot on lubrication using replens, vagifem, vitamin E (suppositories and oil) and Aquaphor as a nightly and morning mix. I bought coconut oil and tried it for a while but because it wasn't pushed by the Women's Health Psychologist I go too, haven't given it a try during intercourse. Although she has mentioned it.

    Another reason for still not having tried sex for a year and a half is my husband and I have been in marital counseling for some issues that we needed to address and of course, intimacy is one of those issues. He doesn't want to initiate and probably never will initiate and I feel he puts up walls also that are impenatrable but he feels the same way about me. 

    But illness really affects a marriage. That you are four years out and finding sex to be a doable thing with coconut oil makes me really want to give that a try. His birthday is Friday so maybe that will be the day:-) I'll see if I can find a nice bow to wrap around myself and give him a nice jar of coconut oil as one of his presents, ha ha!

    Thanks so much for your inspiration and hope.

    Fondly,

    Sandy

  • judyv3
    judyv3 Member Posts: 143 Member
    #5
    gabby

    Thanks for sharing.  I have just started using coconut oil.  However, I have NO desire to have sex.  This does not make my husband happy.  

    I was having difficulty in that area prior to diagnosis, but now I just don't know.  

    BUT!  I am so happy for you - you've been through enough and deserve happiness.

    Judy

  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    #6
    gabby_ca

    Enjoy that wagon ride for as long as you can !!!!!  I LOVE coconut oil and have been using it as a facial cream, body cream, shaving lotion, in my hair, cooking, etc.  While intercourse is not part of my current life right now, it is not necessarily out of the picture forever so will surely add that to the list of possible coconut oil uses.

    Thanks for posting.

    Be well.

    Katheryn

  • 0626june
    0626june Member Posts: 73
    #7
    eihtak said:

    gabby_ca

    Enjoy that wagon ride for as long as you can !!!!!  I LOVE coconut oil and have been using it as a facial cream, body cream, shaving lotion, in my hair, cooking, etc.  While intercourse is not part of my current life right now, it is not necessarily out of the picture forever so will surely add that to the list of possible coconut oil uses.

    Thanks for posting.

    Be well.

    Katheryn

    gabby_ca

    This gives me hope fpr the future!  I seem to have lost my libido, but I'm only a month post-treatment.  When I do start to feel that way again, coconut oil will be part of the process.  Thanks for sharing this.

    June

  • qv62
    qv62 Member Posts: 434 Member
    #8
    gabby_ca

    Glad to see your post, I have a big jar of it in the bathroom that I will start to use again now that treatment is over (not for intercourse) just to lubricate. I was using it per the advice of my doctor prior to treatment, due to all of the surgeries I already have stenosis and the dialator therapy wasn't even helping. It has been at least 18 months prior to treatment that I have not been able to  have intercourse, I can only imagine what this treatment has done to me. I see my gyn next week and I am petrified but I think I will resume my cocnut oil tomorrow based on your post.

  • TraceyUSA
    TraceyUSA Member Posts: 316
    #9
    Happy for you!

    Thanks for the tip Gabby!  I appreciate your candidness.  Smile

  • cap630
    cap630 Member Posts: 151 Member
    #10
    Gabby

    Thank you for sharing.  I will pick up some coconut oil ASAP.  I have been to a pelvic therapist recently and have had success.  For the longest time I was just blaming the treatment and feeling very damaged.  I forgot to take in to consideration that I am 56 now and my body has natural changes as well.  I don't have the urge to have sex regularly, but I'm not in fear anymore.  

  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    #11
    cap630 said:

    Gabby

    Thank you for sharing.  I will pick up some coconut oil ASAP.  I have been to a pelvic therapist recently and have had success.  For the longest time I was just blaming the treatment and feeling very damaged.  I forgot to take in to consideration that I am 56 now and my body has natural changes as well.  I don't have the urge to have sex regularly, but I'm not in fear anymore.  

    Much, much improvement

    Guess what my husband got for his birthday? SEX!!!! HA, HA! The lubricants we tried before dried up to quickly and also stung a bit. The Coconut oil is a much, much better solution. 

    We had marital therapy again today and we are so much happier than we have been in many, many years. It has been a year and a half since we last tried.

    All the best,

    Sandy

  • Angela_K
    Angela_K Member Posts: 374 Member
    #12
    Yay!

    It was such a relief to me to FINALLY get back to an almost normal sex life at about the 3 yr post.  I had the help of bio identical hormones and now don't need the lubricants that I did the first three years while my radiation burns were healing and libido had dropped.

    Coconut oil seems to be the end all.  Helps increase thyroid function, great hair and skin conditioner, helps inflammation and actually helps lower LDL levels.  AND BAM!  The BEST lubricant!

    Congratulations on your discovery!

    Angela

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