The new normal ?

Robyn,

I'm not on the boards that much because like yourself, I struggle with recovery and gaining the "new normal". According to my team, I've pretty muched reached it at 14 months post treatment. That means, there may be some small improvements but not more than that. I must do things to maintain what I have now as the fact is, I can lose it. That means swallowing exercises the rest of my life, stretching and exercises for my neck and shoulder etc. 

The fact that we're "survivors" stays with us and while we have moments where it is fleeting from our minds, that fact always returns. I'm constantly reminded of the changes both physically and mentally. It's an every day challenge from the moment I awake until I drift off to sleep and even then, in dreams, the physical sensations invade my mind. It's an everyday challenge. 

As we move forward with our lives, go through the appointments and "scanxiety" and the challenges of reaching and living with the "new normal", the fact that we've been stricken with this awful disease remains. It's part of who we now are and will remain with us through the rest of our lives.

I'm a musician and singer. The effects of cancer have impacted me greatly. While I'm performing again, I am reminded every time of the last year and what this disease has done and taken from me. Please know that I'm grateful to be where I'm at in my life but how can we not feel as you do? It's only natural. 

Don't beat yourself up. I don't think we truly lose the essence of who we are. However, I do believe we are tempered and forever changed by the experience. A serious illness, like a serious life event, changes us. It can change us physically and mentally. I'm learning to embrace it as a part of who I am now. Just like my heart attacks and surgeries, it reminds me of the frailty of life helps me to appreciate the things in life that are truly important. While this disease can take and change a part of us, it also enhances parts of us that make us better than we were before. 

Positive thoughts and prayers

"T"

wmc said:

Well put "T"

So well put, "T". There are small moment in the day where I do feel like this never happened. That moment feels great, but it is more then that. It means I have accepetd it, I'm alive, amd most of all, I'll be fine.

Bill

T, you truly are a wordsmith. I can imagine you are a great lyricist. G.