Unfair

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!

When the Oncologsist left my hospital room after telling my I had cancer, I cried, I cried and I cried, then I got angry. Why, because when I was born, I was left at the hospital, and then carted off to a chidrens home for two years and then I was adopted. When I was adopted at two, I was molested by the man whom I was supposed to call Father. I was molested until I was ten, when I told him one day that I would kill him if he touched me again. He never touched me again, but I sufered for years, my self esteem was shot, and he gave me chlamydia which screwed up my reproductive organs and I had to lose two babies and have four major surgeries to get it right.  Yeah, I was mad. 

So, after the Oncologist left the room and I'd cried and then got mad, I told God that life wasn't fair. Why was I going to spend my las years dying of cancer, when I'd already suffered so much? 

So there, you now know why I totally get why you are here posting about how angry you are. You do deserve better. Your husband deserves better, we all deserve better, but we can't make it happen.  It is totally out of our control.

I don't know aobut life, sometimes it just stinks. I want to sit down with God one day (not soon) and ask him WHY.  

I'm with you in spirit as you deal with your anger. I pray that it will not consume you, as you go throuh life. I Am so so very sorry for you. I can't stress enough how my heart hurts for your pain. 

Bless. 

Yes. The situation does suck. To be sure.

i had an idea - you seem like you love this man soooo so much. I can feel it in your writing.  since both of you are aware of the hourglass, I suggest creating a safe space in your house for the two of you for love and remembrance.  set up an air mattress for two, or use a hide a bed. Anything but his sick bed. Different room, different space, different energy. Get new linens - borrow them from your silly relatives.  The two of you spend at least an hour a day (whatever he has the energy for) in this safe "couples" space snuggling, holding hands, talking about the good old days, cuddling, teling each other how much you love each other, Etc. you might laugh, you might cry - who knows. But you end up spending some of his days just the two of you on this pretend island in your living room enjoying each other - no bills, no stress. He may like it so much he may spend all day doing this!!  If he can get out, watch stars and sunsets together. 

Anyway, just an idea. Hope you feel better

Karin

I'm mad right along with you.  I just don't get it.

Trubrit said:

You are so very right

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!

When the Oncologsist left my hospital room after telling my I had cancer, I cried, I cried and I cried, then I got angry. Why, because when I was born, I was left at the hospital, and then carted off to a chidrens home for two years and then I was adopted. When I was adopted at two, I was molested by the man whom I was supposed to call Father. I was molested until I was ten, when I told him one day that I would kill him if he touched me again. He never touched me again, but I sufered for years, my self esteem was shot, and he gave me chlamydia which screwed up my reproductive organs and I had to lose two babies and have four major surgeries to get it right.  Yeah, I was mad. 

So, after the Oncologist left the room and I'd cried and then got mad, I told God that life wasn't fair. Why was I going to spend my las years dying of cancer, when I'd already suffered so much? 

So there, you now know why I totally get why you are here posting about how angry you are. You do deserve better. Your husband deserves better, we all deserve better, but we can't make it happen.  It is totally out of our control.

I don't know aobut life, sometimes it just stinks. I want to sit down with God one day (not soon) and ask him WHY.  

I'm with you in spirit as you deal with your anger. I pray that it will not consume you, as you go throuh life. I Am so so very sorry for you. I can't stress enough how my heart hurts for your pain. 

Bless. 

I am so sorry that you had to deal with all of that. Although you've been through hell and back again, you continue to have such a wonderful outlook. I truly hope you become NED in the near future. Cancer sucks!!

Lin

lp1964 said:

Fairness is only an illusion...

...while things are going ok. There is no fairness. When things are going right it looks as if hard work pays off and you can get away with stuff . But fairness is not real and we only realize it when things go bad. I'm sorry that you guys have to go through this tuff time and it is not gonna be easy. But would you trade this for a life when you did not meet each other. Sounds like no way!!! You guys are an inspiration to the world. Love you!

Laz

My heart is filled with sadness for you and your husband. I know and understand what you are going through. There are no answers as to why one person is allowed to live while another is not. I have often wondered why my husband and my daughter were both stricken with cancer, yet I was spared. One of the hardest attitudes to achieve is acceptance of what has happened and what is still to come. I have not mastered that yet.

Share this wonderful love of each other and make beautiful memories. Remember that miracles happen and none of us have an expiration date stamped on the bottom of our foot.

Luv,

Wolfen

Sandi,

I feel your anger and I understand it.  I find the car a good place to go to just scream this stuff out sometimes.  Of course coming here to this place we find understanding and compassion.  I pray that you two have some good days ahead.

Aloha,

Kathleen

Hi All, I am new to this first time on.  I just received word i have colon Cancer!  Words can't express how i feel i can't sleep inspite that I have to be at work in few hours.

i don't know what to do cry or have a break down.  I suppose to se the surgeon in a week and get my Ct to see what stage it is in.  I never thought me of all people will get it.  I  

I should have know given the fact that my family have  a history of Cancer and I knew some how it wwill come to claim me.

jasmine1865 said:

just was told I had colon Cancer!

Hi All, I am new to this first time on.  I just received word i have colon Cancer!  Words can't express how i feel i can't sleep inspite that I have to be at work in few hours.

i don't know what to do cry or have a break down.  I suppose to se the surgeon in a week and get my Ct to see what stage it is in.  I never thought me of all people will get it.  I  

I should have know given the fact that my family have  a history of Cancer and I knew some how it wwill come to claim me.

I have copied your post and started a new thread so that we can all welcome you, and get to know you there. 

Here is the link    http://csn.cancer.org/node/280024

Cathleen Mary said:

Sandi, In all the unfairness,

Sandi, In all the unfairness, the sadness one thing stands out as light, as blessing. Your husband has an incredibly loving woman at his side.  I am so sorry for all that burdens both of you yet so humbled by your love for each other. 

CM

I've noticed that people who get cancer are many times the foundation of a home or have been  under a lot of stress prior to diagnosis.   I was dealing with the death of my grandson, my daughter getting through it, and another crisis in the family. I've taken in Grandkids, in laws, and I also say, what the heck!  I'm such a giver in life and eat right, exercise, great jobs, wonderful friends and family. It's insane, trying to figure it out. 

Hang in there. 

I'm sorry that it has come to this.  It's hard when you try to do things right and then it goes wrong.  I've always been the one to eat salads every day and very few fried foods and my husband eats so worse and I'm the one who got cancer.  How does it seem fair - it isn't.  We just have to make the best possible of each and everyday and remember that we have left a mark in the world because we are who we are.  May God grace you and hubby with much love.

Kim