Feelings of guilt

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  • aamdsi
    aamdsi Member Posts: 284
    #22
    "Nice" to know not the only one

    Hello,

    Am new to this site, and it's this subject that got me to join. I found out I had cancer the end of this January and had surgery a month later.  I feel I never had time to even deal with the fact I had cancer before hearing they got it all.  So the thought of being a "cancer survivor" doesn't sit well.  Feel like I am more a survivor of just the surgery.

    I only think of even having had cancer in the dark hours of the night and it is then that the fears of it returning haunt me.

  • Minnesota Girl
    Minnesota Girl Member Posts: 119
    #23
    This is a great conversation

    DSFrey - I know your feelings all too well. I'm just at the three year mark of my diagnosis and surgical 'cure' (all in a 60 timeframe.) Like you, I had a small tumor, caught early and had a lot of guilt. It really hit me last week when my boss' dad died of kidney cancer. Why him and not me? I'm lucky?!? Hardly, but yes.

    I check in on the board from time to time and sometimes contribute. Sometimes I read about someone having a recurrance after a situation like mine. That scares the hell out of me and I run away for a while. Other times, I feel guilty because I don't offer enough comments/support/encouragement to others on the board.

    We each experience our own emotions and have our own way of dealing with them. You DO have a right to be here and are welcome anytime to give and take what YOU need. As others have said, keep up your follow-up care and don't feel guilty about it.

  • Nibblersmom
    Nibblersmom Member Posts: 1
    #24
    survivor guilt

    well I was kinda feeling a little alone,I too had a stage 1 "low risk" Tumor, after a month of gray zoneness being told maybe youll need chemo, maybe you won't, I finally got good news that I wouldn't need chemo but after the lumpectomy, 32 rounds of radiation and maybe hormone blocking therapy. The same night I got the good news, I was invited to go out with a group of young women in their thirtys (around my age), one was extremely happy and announced that I wouldnt need chemo, hard part was every other person there had underwent chemo. They all said I had a reason to celebrate and I felt I did too, but I also felt bad for feeling good. I'm also torn because when the docs thought I would benifit from chemo I felt comfortable sharing my grief with my survivor sisters, but I feel like i have no right to complain. I still can't say it has been easy, ive experenced family, marital, and possible future fertility issues. An early stage is a pretty lonely place, I feel bad talking to the only people who actually get it. Maybe if I met another early stager it would help.  i too feel bad when I go to the onco and I'm taking up her time with my emotional or other issues. 

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