Stories and Experiences

Hi there,

So sorry about your mother.  I completely agree that it's maybe not just the drugs that cure us of what ails us.

I was diagnosed at 38 with T3,N0,M0 anal cancer.  My husband was killed when I was 10 weeks pregnant with my son who is now 8 and I was diagnosed with cancer when he was 2 months of age.  That was almost 8 years ago now. (July 26 is 8 years NED For me.) I did the standard chemo and radiation and I never lost my hair and I never got sick once. I worked throughout my treatment and I looked after my newborn baby and I decided to change my whole life.

I have a BSc in computer sciences and I walked away from that to be a good mom.  I started ground training competition horses and I never looked back once.  I started drinking red wine at night and I started writing and I looked for and lease a few acres in the country for my son's benefit and for mine.

I started eating less meat and cut off the dairy for the most part and started eating more salads.  I threw caution to the wind and decided that I was going to live the life that I wanted and after 5 years of checkups and the fear, I gave that up too.  I got kicked out of cancer school and I can honestly say that I have not ONE doctor about my cancer and I have no idea if it's back or if it's not but I will tell you that I really don't worry about it that much anymore.

Cancer is what it is.  Some of us triumph over it and some of us do not.  I truly think that this statement alone is what gives all of us survivors the will to keep going and try and beat the 'beast' when we have to as we really don't know when it will be 'our' time to truly go.

I refuse to live my life 'around' cancer.  I instead chose to embrace my life as having survived cancer and I truly think that this is key in our treatment as well as our recovery. We are all going to die.  That is a fact.  We do however have a choice as to how we live that life after our treatments and maybe that really does play a key into how long we stay NED for.  I am not looking to offend anyone as this is really just my own story and I am now pushing 8 years NED.

I busted the 2 bones in my lower leg in the summer last year and I remember being so scared that my cancer was back.  The demon never really goes away.  We just think of him less often, tis all.  Imagine my relief to find out that I broke it just because I jumped out of the back of my pickup truck and I landed wrong.

Today finds me being self-employed working with horses and I am a few credits away from a masters degree in math.  I sit on the executive of my local hospice and my local school board and I rescue horses. I currently have 12.

There is one bad thing about being 8 years NED and that is the fact that no medical study follows us anymore.  It's like we really don't exist after all.  Once we hit 5 years NED, we are just forgotten and no one really knows what happens to 'us' that are long-term survivors and I very rarely see anyone on these boards and I still wonder if maybe a lot don't survive and I wonder if I am really alone here?

Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I travelled the world for work.  I courted the most amazing of government agencies and I interviewed nannies to look after my son and I wanted to go back to work after a 12 week maternity leave.  My cancer diagnosis changed all that and looking back, it was the best thing that EVER happened to me.

I drive my son to school and I read to him at night and I drive him to taekwondo and we go swimming.  I have no symptoms and really people would be shocked if they knew that I survived cancer.  I don't speak of it often and maybe that's because I did that in my 'last' life and not this one.

A couple of times a month, I sit with people dying of cancer in my volunteer hospice position and I am humbled and in awe at the different journies we all take in dealing with cancer.  There is really no right way to deal with cancer is there? Our journies are all different.

My son wanted me to be a school mom who helped out and I instead got into politics at the school board level and I showed him that this was what I was made of and I never would have got the courage to do it if I didn't see my life maybe ending in the first place with my diagnosis in the first place.

I guess in summary, what I am really trying to say that for some of us it's just 'will' and a 'need' to stay in the life of the living and maybe it's a bit of 'mind over matter' as well.

Sometimes, I look at pictures of my son playing with the nurses in the waiting room while I had my appointment with 'sparky' the radiation machine and I realize that I am truly blessed to have made it this far and sometimes late at night, I wonder why it's 'me' who gets to live and not some young child that dies from cancer that I see in the newspapers?

A life well lived is based on perspective.  Some of us eat organic food and refuse to eat red meat and some of us instead choose to throw caution to the wind and live our lives like we were going to die tomorrow.

Gabby

ps.  As for the absorption thing, you might be on to something.  I had IMRT radiation and find that my body likes that.  My BP is 117/54 and all blood levels are on the lower levels of normal which is awesome.  Another positive to the cancer after all.