The 'other' side of having cancer

gabby_ca
gabby_ca Member Posts: 38
in Anal Cancer #1

I am now 8 years NED of SCC T3,N0,M0 and doing amazing.  I am involved in local politics in my city and sit on my son's school PAC executive as well as the school district's looking after 4000 kids.  I used to moderate cancer forums helping those stricken with this disease and I think I did it well.  My son was a baby though and I needed to take a step back and figure out my life.

I have recently been nominated for a position on a city 'hospice' society executive and I am torn as to take it or not. Isn't that just insane? like really?

It's not a cruel joke as everyone knows of my story and they also know that I would probably be pretty good on their board but OMG, could you really do that?

Tomorrow will find me having a meeting with the board as I am somewhat curious about the position and why in the 'heck' anyone would even nominate me to position there anyways.  You just have to go right? 

I spoke briefly tonight with the president of the board and he told me that he'd heard of my cancer story and my interest in politics and he also said he'd read the many years of my blog and my cancer journey up to now. 

Is a long-term cancer survivor really the best person to have on a hospice board?  Do I need to talk to a shrink about my thoughts?  Does this seem warped?  I am so mixed in my decisions and I need to figure out the right thing to do and quickly at that.

Over the years, I have watched and admired people living through this disease and doing it well and with class undefined.  I remember hoping at night that I would be alive long enough to see some of my dreams come true and they did.

Now that I've reached that point, I find myself so strangely 'not' afraid of dying and that is so liberating and at 45 years of age at that.  Cancer sucks!

Deep inside where it counts, I think I am ready to learn about the thoughts and lessons of someone dying instead of someone living.  I  think I have reached a point in my journey where I can help others going through their journey although it's a different one than mine.  Maybe it is a good thing to see the other side of the fence up close so you can see just how great your life is.

I am sorry if this post seems selfish and not kind.  I know everyone here is going through, gone thorugh or trying to deal with AC and it's treatment.  If you think that, I am SO SO sorry...

If anything, I leave on the table that I am 8 years out and doing great and looking for some guidance as to what YOU would do if you were in my shoes as I have been in yours albeit a few years ago now.

 

Gabby

Comments

  • Phoebesnow
    Phoebesnow Member Posts: 600 Member
    #2
    Hospice

    When I have time to volunteer hospice is what I would like to do.  Who understands more than us?

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #3
    Gabby

    Don't apologize for this post!  I can understand your mixed emotions about pursuing this opportunity.  However, I feel like I've "known" you for a number of years and I think you would do a great job.  That said, as with any other major decisions in life, you must follow your heart.  I think you'll know what you want and have to do. 

    I must say that in the years since my diagnosis, I've communicated with many people, albeit online, who were/are dying.  I sometimes don't know what to say to them, but I have learned that most of them just want someone to listen to them and validate their thoughts.  It has also caused me to completely change my attitude about death and dying.  Along with my own experience with cancer, the experiences of others have made me much more accepting of the one thing we are all guaranteed--that we will someday die.  I'm not ready to go tomorrow, but I think I'm ready whenever my time is up.  Should I not make a quick exit, I would hope that someone with compassion and a kind ear would listen to me.

    You can do this if you want to.  I think you'd be great.

    Martha 

  • sephie
    sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
    #4
    yes

    gabby,  you are the perfect person to do this...... you should accept the position..... you will understand pain and fear because of what you have been through.....  yes, do it....sephie

  • mxperry220
    mxperry220 Member Posts: 496 Member
    #5
    Follow Your Heart

    You will make the right decision.

    Mike

  • gabby_ca
    gabby_ca Member Posts: 38
    #6
    mxperry220 said:

    Follow Your Heart

    You will make the right decision.

    Mike

    Well, I took the executive

    Well, I took the executive position on the hospice board and went on a tour yesterday.  I even sat down with 2 patients for long chats and I found it inspiring for me and I hope for them.  I am taking baby steps and still a 'newbie' at giving support for something they are dying of that I'm doing everything I can to just get over and never deal with again.

    I heard some good advice yesterday and that was from a patient.  "We are all going to die at some point."  Yes indeed.

     

    Gabby

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #7
    gabby_ca said:

    Well, I took the executive

    Well, I took the executive position on the hospice board and went on a tour yesterday.  I even sat down with 2 patients for long chats and I found it inspiring for me and I hope for them.  I am taking baby steps and still a 'newbie' at giving support for something they are dying of that I'm doing everything I can to just get over and never deal with again.

    I heard some good advice yesterday and that was from a patient.  "We are all going to die at some point."  Yes indeed.

     

    Gabby

    gabby

    Congratulations!  I'm glad to hear you accepted the position and I know you'll do a great job!  I really think there is a lot to be learned from people who are dying.  Sometimes it's how NOT to do it, as in angry, or how TO do it, such as with dignity and grace.  It's the one thing that life guarantees us--we are all going to die on our day.  I wish you all the best and hope you'll continue to come here once in awhile to let us know how things are going for you.

  • TraceyUSA
    TraceyUSA Member Posts: 316
    #8
    gabby_ca said:

    Well, I took the executive

    Well, I took the executive position on the hospice board and went on a tour yesterday.  I even sat down with 2 patients for long chats and I found it inspiring for me and I hope for them.  I am taking baby steps and still a 'newbie' at giving support for something they are dying of that I'm doing everything I can to just get over and never deal with again.

    I heard some good advice yesterday and that was from a patient.  "We are all going to die at some point."  Yes indeed.

     

    Gabby

    Good for You!

    I think having had cancer will help you connect with your patients and offer them some comfort knowing you have had a similar experience.

    I am interested in hearing about your work in hospice.

    - Tracey

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