Breaking out of the "victim" mode

I am kind of up and down three years after mastectomies.  Depends on our personalities and after treatment.  Struggling with age stuff as middle aged now going through menopause, and side effects from anti estrogens etc.  I stopped anti estrogens in order to clarify the way I was feeling.  Glad I did so as only by persisting did I manage to sort out some issues enhanced by chemo and meds And separated them from things like arthritis. Keep busy, positive, and keep an eye on your health.  Hope you have family and friends around you, as your husband has passed.  You have been through the worst don't you thinK?  Exercise, eat well, I never smoked but did give up alcohol as just didn't agree with me all of a sudden.  Listen to your body and get out there and begin your next stage of life.  I wish you well, keep in touch the ladies and gentlemen are the best on this sight.  

Welcome 1blessedmom! Boy, it sounds like you've been through a lot the last four years.  Any one of the events you have been through can be life changing, but to go through them all is a lot to deal with. The best advice I can give you is what has already been said, you need to give it time.  I am five years out from hearing those horrible words "you have breast cancer" and when I look back from that first horrific year I cannot believe I am the person I am today.  Diagnosis and treatment put me into a depression that I needed help getting out of.   Please remember that if you are overwelmed with sadness, you need to seek help.  There is no reason to suffer.  I needed someone telling me that everything I was feeling was normal.  I didn't have a tooth pulled, I had my breasts removed  and I was scared to death.  When surgery and treatments are over, people in the non-cancer world think you are ready to move on and get back to life as it used to be.  We know that life will never be the same, but I have to say that five years later and finally being off tamoxifen and aromasin, life is good.  It is a gradual process that takes a lot of time and you need to talk to people who understand what you are going through.  This site helped me a lot.  Another thing was walking and exercising.  Try a little each day.  It helped.  Going back to work helped me and talking to others newly diagnosed with breast cancer helped me too.  You will be amazed how many woman feel exactly the same about their breast cancer journey after treatments are over.  By the way, you wanted to hear positive stories so I will brag and say that I have just become club champion at the golf course that I play.  The pre-breast cancer woman would never have the confidence to try and do something like that.  The post-breast cancer woman is mentally stronger and doesn't let anything stop her.  I take care of my needs more and I don't sweat the small stuff.  Please put yourself first for a while and give yourself time to heal physically and especially mentaly.  You can do this.  Stay strong and live one day at a time!! We are here if you need us!!

It sounds like you have been thru so much in such a short time...Life is so precious but it also just sucks sometimes!!! Since our cancer diagnosis, we can't ever go back to the way we were prior to our diagnosis...Every ache, throb or change to our body is a wonder if the cancer has returned...But, we are all strong women and men and have to realize that we have changed physically, emotionally and mentally...

Good thoughts going your way,

Andi 

I think your having challenges even before your dealing with bc makes it a little harder to bounce back.  Each time a fighter gets hit hard, it gets more difficult for him (her) to get up and go at it some more.

I had a double mastectomy February 2012.  Like you, I am Stage 3 (A).  From the first part of April until mid-July, I had chemo every other week.  From early August through the end of September that  year, I had radiation therapy.  I was fortunate to have a lot of support from family and friends.  During that time, I did not let myself withdraw from life.  As long as I was up to doing things, I did them.  I thought that it was important to not hole myself up in the house.  (I did have to exercise a little caution when I was doing chemo, and did not work because I am in education and was, that year, working in a classroom of young kids who loved to hug, hug, hug AND whose parents often sent them to school sick.)

Radiation was going on when school resumed that September.  I went half days, as I had daily appointments.  When I had a little bit of a problem with burns, I stayed home because it was easier for me to take care of that areas so that I would not have major problems.  I went back to work full time the middle of October.  So, my "battle" lasted about 8 months. 

I did not want to let myself get overly tired, so I eased back into some of my extra responsibilities.  I would not go out evenings, if I had school the next day.  Some of the responsibilities I had I have not resumed -- not because I can't but because I really did need to re-assess things, and that period of time was a good time to drop things and then pick and choose.

Exactly one year after I finished chemo, I was with my husband and a group from church, heading for Alaska to help out with a project there for two weeks.  I helped prep meals, which was great because I had time to take it easy during the day. 

I think that if you pace yourself, you will be surprised at how soon you can do things. I can do almost anything I could before, except for some lack of mobility with one of my shoulders/upper arm.  I am not quite ready to try out a zip line ride or row a boat.  I am starting to think about getting out my golf clubs again.

Stay positive, but be realistic.  I had a few friends -- ladies I have never met but have been in my shoes and share my faith -- who were a great source of encouragement to me.  We did our communicating via email.  The ladies were friends of friends or family of mine.  If I had a question about something, I would ask them.  We still are in touch, as we are Facebook friends.

Yes, I do have those moments when I think back on all I have been through and wonder if cancer will come back someplace else.  Sometimes I can't believe I have been through what I have been, until I think of the scars and deal with the sore shoulder I have.  That, to me, is weird; but I think part of that is because I have gotten back into a normal life.

Be patient.  Know that what works for you will not follow exactly what any one of us will share here.  You will be a mix of these, and then some.  Know that that is normal.

ee