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Mary, 

Try to stay here one day at a time. You may not have mets. The diarreah also may be due to other reasons. You may have an opportunistic parasite or virus.

I am seeing a Pulmonologist in April that specializes in immune deficiency. Has anyone checked your immunoglobulin levels? My internist did and I am low in one. The freckles on my lungs are likely cysts. I also have a granual and a lymph gland that lights up. I will let you know what they say. But now I know it was caused by CVID and the bronchiechitis (sp) I got from repeated inflammations. You may have had "walking pneumonia" and not known it.

What I am saying is, there are lots of reasons why you may have spots on your lungs besides mets. We will likely have to have a biopsy before surgery. Not a lot of fun, but makes sense, don't you think?

Anyway, make sure you get more than one opinion.

I think you are going to have to let go of wanting to work so your 22 year old can go to graduate school for a while and concentrate on your health. Everything else will fall into place if you do that. You need to rest when you need to rest. Cancel appointments if you have to and rest.

I know it's easy to say for me. I am so sorry about the financial difficulties. That alone must be wearing you out.

You are in my prayers.

Love,

Sandy

Lorikat said:

Whine away!  I'm 63 and age

Whine away!  I'm 63 and age with post treatment side effects are difficult.  .....  God bless you and hugs!

 

Now then Mary! One step at a time. 

Firstly, the recent diarrhoea could have any one of a number of causes. I understand the issue regarding restroom & dignity. However, do they not have a disabled restroom at work that you could use? They don't need to know of your diagnosis (I HATE having to disclose how my body is affected by the treatment), but you have handled so much already, you CAN handle this. This may well pass. 

Secondly, you don't know for certain that you have mets. We all know how hard it is to not jump into the future with negative thinking.  But that doesn't achieve anything & only robs us of precious minutes, hours, days etc. Try to hold on to 'these are thoughts, not facts'. Not meaning to be patronising, but I find mindfulness techniques most helpful in situations like this. 

Thirdly,  whinges are good for us all. We cannot always be on top form, coping with everything that is thrown at us. 

Also, importantly, you are not alone in dealing with this. We are all here to  support you. I think of you often. I have an app on my tablet that I use to identify the planes that fly overhead.  Admittedly not s frequently now as I was able before I returned to work, but when I see a plane en route to Boston, I see you, that mental picture I hold of you (Mary Tyler Moore) which is probably completely wrong.

Sending you hugs

Liz

Your daugter must have her undergraduate degree.  If she wants to go to graduate school she can get grants, loans, and work to put herself through graduate school.  My parents were not financially able to pay for my college eduation.  I paid my own way and do not regret it to this day.  Maybe you can have a discussion with your daugter where she understands you can no longer financially support her.  She is old enough to be on her own.  She needs to be there for you now not the other way around.  Maybe your daughter is not fully aware of your physical and financial situation.  You do not need this additional gulit stress. 

Hope this helps some.

Mike

jcruz said:

Mary

So much of what you say resonates for me and I am sure for others as well.  I too must hustle to the public restroom shared with students (I'm in a university library).  Some days I go so often and I also feel that embarassment.  I hope you'll see a doctor and find out if the diarrhea is from something else or if it's a lingering side effect.  I have recently talked with my surgeon about trying proctofoam to help with the urgency and bleeding that I've been dealing with.

I am concerned about your statement that you don't discuss your cancer with anyone.  I have found my weekly counseling sessions to be so valuable.  I can talk about anything and everything, all aspects of my post-cancer life and everything else.  I know your faith will hold you and I am glad for you that you turn to your god for comfort.  But individual counseling or a cancer support group might also be helpful.

Take care of yourself first.  I think your daughter will understand.  If she wants to go to grad school she will find ways to fund herself.  And I think she will be happier knowing that you are taking care of yourself and that you are doing what you can to stay here in the world.

Come back here and whine some more any time.  I think we have all done that and we all listen and support each other.

Janet

I am so sorry you have all these burdens to bear.  

I like mikes advice.  

I hope all these situations turn out the way you need them.  The anxiety and worry is fuel for these diseases.  Maybe you do need to simplify even consider moving to a less expensive area.  I would really like to hear about you enjoying your life.  I bet your daughter would like that to.

God Bless you Mary.