For a brief moment I forgot....

wmc
wmc Member Posts: 1,804
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Several times over the last week things just seemed strange. Conditions must have been just right, because I forgot for a brief moment, I was a "Lary", and breath through my neck. My breathing seemed just as it did before I had problems [Cancer], I mean I felt like I was breathing through my nose, it seemed so real. I know I wasn't, but everything felt normal. My lungs felt like it and no extra air sound from my neck. Once it felt so real at work I answered the phone and no words came out. I forgot to press on my HME to block the air so I could talk. Now it was only three to four words before I did press the button, and I felt just a little embarrassed. Not sure what is going on. Maybe i'm just getting very comfortable with the "New Normal".  Well, most of the time. I must say it is going to take some time to get used to a sneeze.  They hurt a little and if I don't get my filter off in time I sneeze it right off my neck or just plug it with mucus. Shot it over three feet yesterday in the kitchen. My wife asked, what the heck was that? I just said I sneezed, and she asked if I was ok.  Guess that is the "New normal" and life as a Lary. Just thought I would share my thoughts. Hope everyone has a great day. 

Bill  [Lary Oct 2013] Cancer survivor 

Comments

  • KTeacher
    KTeacher Member Posts: 1,103 Member
    #2
    I can relate

    I bet it was a brief moment!  Sometimes I feel like I can open my eye.  I think it goes along with Phantom pain when we lose parts.

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #3
    Can't Relate...

    I can't relate,,, But I do imagine as mentioned, and like you said..., the new "normal"... , for me abi-normal.

    I imagine that your body is adjusting and even though it's deifnintely not the same, your body compensates... Eventually this will be your new normal, and I imagine you eventually just adapt.

    John

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #4
    KTeacher said:

    I can relate

    I bet it was a brief moment!  Sometimes I feel like I can open my eye.  I think it goes along with Phantom pain when we lose parts.

    Yep it was brief

    Oh you bet it was very brief, about three seconds. But I enjoyed them as well the memory. The problem with phantom pain is pain killers often won't get rid of the pain because it is not real. When I first had to have dentures I ate some candy and got a toothache. The asprin did nothing to get rid of the pain, it wasn't real, it was just the mind reacting. 

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #5
    Skiffin16 said:

    Can't Relate...

    I can't relate,,, But I do imagine as mentioned, and like you said..., the new "normal"... , for me abi-normal.

    I imagine that your body is adjusting and even though it's deifnintely not the same, your body compensates... Eventually this will be your new normal, and I imagine you eventually just adapt.

    John

    Thanks...

    Thanks John, it's just[ Life 2.0]

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #6
    wmc said:

    Thanks...

    Thanks John, it's just[ Life 2.0]

    wmc, i agree, its just life

    wmc, i agree, its just life but its NOT an easy life.

    God bless,

    dj

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #7
    dream on

    Bill,

    Once in a Blue Moon (when Skiffin isn’t catching fish) and I am lying in bed, before I am fully conscious, I feel like old-normal, but then I swallow, breath or move and reality is back in-charge.  Nice were it true.

    Matt

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #8
    debbiejeanne said:

    wmc, i agree, its just life

    wmc, i agree, its just life but its NOT an easy life.

    God bless,

    dj

    No it's not an easy life.

    Debbie you are right. It is not an easy life. Loosing your voice box was definitely life changing. So many things to adjust to. Keeping the humidity between 40~60% and now your breathing cold air that can hurt your lungs. One of the hardest things to get used to was exhailing all the hot air on to the bottom of my chin. That almost drove me crazy until I got the HME filter and it diverts the hot air. Now it is the "new Normal" and I just have to get used to it.   Thanks I know you understand about being a Lary.

    Bill

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #9
    CivilMatt said:

    dream on

    Bill,

    Once in a Blue Moon (when Skiffin isn’t catching fish) and I am lying in bed, before I am fully conscious, I feel like old-normal, but then I swallow, breath or move and reality is back in-charge.  Nice were it true.

    Matt

    Yep

    Yes Matt, but in that brief moment it's great.

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #10
    New Normal

    We all have our different new normal's and sometimes it does take getting use too. For me it is my PEG tube, I don’t even think about eating or tasting anymore, I have set times to put food into the PEG because I know I need to. It is just something that takes time to get use to a new normal, and life goes on. I have very bad problems with sneezing as I can’t control it, I keep a paper towel with me to cover up and sometimes I can’t get it fast enough and all kinds of crap comes flying out and it makes a very loud noise. Oh well I just clean it up, laugh and thank God I can still sneezes. All the best to you my friend on your new normal you.

     

    Tim Hondo   

  • lornal
    lornal Member Posts: 428
    #11
    wmc said:

    No it's not an easy life.

    Debbie you are right. It is not an easy life. Loosing your voice box was definitely life changing. So many things to adjust to. Keeping the humidity between 40~60% and now your breathing cold air that can hurt your lungs. One of the hardest things to get used to was exhailing all the hot air on to the bottom of my chin. That almost drove me crazy until I got the HME filter and it diverts the hot air. Now it is the "new Normal" and I just have to get used to it.   Thanks I know you understand about being a Lary.

    Bill

    Hot Air

    Since mine is new too, I spend so much time "thinking" about breathing.  I actually find the hot air reassuring - as it means I am breathing.

    I have to keep busy to get to a place I am not thinking about breathing.  I am not back at the office yet but I am working some from home for a few hours a day when I can.  It keeps my mind busy, and I feel like I'm productiive.  (Plus, I have to pay for my health insurance)

     

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #12
    Sorry, had to Laugh

    I mean no disrespect or to daown play your change in life but when you told about the sneezing I had to chuckle. I can't imagine what your wife thought when she saw it fly across the kitchen. Reminds me of my sister who had just gotten dentures. The swelling was so bad and painful. We were talking on the phone and she sneezed, then burst into laughing, she had sneezed out her upper plate. She felt so much better after that. Laughter is really the best medicine. Hoping you adjust to your new normal soon.

    Blessings, Debbie

     

  • fishmanpa
    fishmanpa Member Posts: 1,227 Member
    #13
    Interesting Post

    While my surgeries and treatment didn't end in a lary, I can relate in many ways to your post. When I had heart surgery, there wasn't a day that went by for several years that I didn't recognize upon awakening that I had surgery. Then, finally, there were periods of time where there was no pain or reminder for a short period of time and as time went on, the thoughts of what had taken place faded and with the exception of seeing the scar, I wouldn't think about it any more.

    Now with the surgery to my neck and treatment? Again, I'm back to a constant reminder of what took place. Be it the side effects, the pain or the fatigue, I nary get a break. I'm returning to the stage this Spring and while I can sing, it's a whole new ball game. I can't "feel" my neck so the familiar feeling of my voice resonating is gone. I can hear myself singing but it's as if it's not me as I don't feel it if that makes sense. I don't know if I'll ever get to the point of forgetting.

    Glad to hear you're doing well... here's to survival and the "new normal", whatever that is ;)

    Positive thoughts and prayers

    "T"

     

     

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #14
    Hondo said:

    New Normal

    We all have our different new normal's and sometimes it does take getting use too. For me it is my PEG tube, I don’t even think about eating or tasting anymore, I have set times to put food into the PEG because I know I need to. It is just something that takes time to get use to a new normal, and life goes on. I have very bad problems with sneezing as I can’t control it, I keep a paper towel with me to cover up and sometimes I can’t get it fast enough and all kinds of crap comes flying out and it makes a very loud noise. Oh well I just clean it up, laugh and thank God I can still sneezes. All the best to you my friend on your new normal you.

     

    Tim Hondo   

    Thanks Tim

    Thakn you Tim. I'm OK with my New Normal, or at least getting used to it, some days better than others. I did nit do well on the feeding tube in the hospital. They wanted me to take in 280ml at a time and I got very sick after 150ml. Lucky for me I pasted the swallow test. I could not do 280ml no matter what. That's one thing about cancer. We are all the same, and different how we react to the treatment. It's just nice to tell someone that really does understand. This site has helpped alot.

    Bill

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #15
    jim and i said:

    Sorry, had to Laugh

    I mean no disrespect or to daown play your change in life but when you told about the sneezing I had to chuckle. I can't imagine what your wife thought when she saw it fly across the kitchen. Reminds me of my sister who had just gotten dentures. The swelling was so bad and painful. We were talking on the phone and she sneezed, then burst into laughing, she had sneezed out her upper plate. She felt so much better after that. Laughter is really the best medicine. Hoping you adjust to your new normal soon.

    Blessings, Debbie

     

    Laugh like I did.....

    It would be hard not to laugh, I did. I would have liked to have been able to see it like my wife did. I can relate to your sister. They say a sneeze travels at the speed  of sound. Thats over 700 mph at sea level. I'm surprised that little bugger didn't bounce off the walls.  LOL

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #16
    fishmanpa said:

    Interesting Post

    While my surgeries and treatment didn't end in a lary, I can relate in many ways to your post. When I had heart surgery, there wasn't a day that went by for several years that I didn't recognize upon awakening that I had surgery. Then, finally, there were periods of time where there was no pain or reminder for a short period of time and as time went on, the thoughts of what had taken place faded and with the exception of seeing the scar, I wouldn't think about it any more.

    Now with the surgery to my neck and treatment? Again, I'm back to a constant reminder of what took place. Be it the side effects, the pain or the fatigue, I nary get a break. I'm returning to the stage this Spring and while I can sing, it's a whole new ball game. I can't "feel" my neck so the familiar feeling of my voice resonating is gone. I can hear myself singing but it's as if it's not me as I don't feel it if that makes sense. I don't know if I'll ever get to the point of forgetting.

    Glad to hear you're doing well... here's to survival and the "new normal", whatever that is ;)

    Positive thoughts and prayers

    "T"

     

     

    Thanks T

    Yes it is strange not being able to feel your own neck, I can't eithor. Well I can feel the right side and most days I wished I didn't. I can't feel the left, but It doesn't hurt eithor. It just feels like my skin is being streached around my neck all the time. Until that brief moment when all feels right, then I move and it's back to reality. 

Discussion Boards