Update March 4

All I could think of was the new Disney song from Frozen!  As far as I know, Skiffin is the real die hard (and I am thankful for that).  I do miss some very wise people that used to be active on this site, but I know that they are living life.  Hondo left for awhile to recharge and work in ministry but he came back, I think that he missed us.  I come and go depending on how treatment is for me (I've played this game 4 times so far). 

Warning, warning!  If you do not return we will all miss you.  Know that you will probably have scanxiety a week or so before PET and MRI.  Hopefully you will meet NED soon.  The doctors will not tell you good-bye for some time.  They like to poke and prod us for a good while after treatment.  I think that Skiffin still has yearly appointments with his main doctor.

Steve,

First and foremost, congratulations on getting through the biggest milestone of completing treatment! Glad things are turning around for you.

I am a caregiver on here, so obviously my loved one did not want to take part on a forum. I told him I was getting on here to help get him some support, and I certainly did, for him as well as myself. He was just one of those people that did not want to deal with "talking" about it. Maybe that's why there are plenty of caregivers on here also. He also saw that my strength was coming from this forum and he has been very grateful to everyone for that. In fact, I read many things to him daily and he gives me some writing advice to them. He has even private messaged another fella on here to share things. He wants to help if he can.

So, my point is, don't feel bad about distancing yourself from this forum from time to time. It makes perfect sense what you're saying, you naturally want to ignore as much as possible about having cancer. Sooner or later you somehow contribute, even if it's behind the scenes as my loved one is. We all want to pretend that none of this happened and ignore the whole thing. But, it did happen, and we won't let it get the best of us. We have a new life, a new beginning, as many of us look at life a little differently now. Some days will be tougher than others, but time will help us to accept what has happened and start enjoying life again....maybe in a different way. It won't ever be like it was before cancer....but, we can make the best of it today knowing we have survived it. Together we all get through this with the support of our family, friends and our family here on CSN.

God Bless,

~C

Yep, that's me..., LOL...

Each of us have our own reasons and time frames of participation here. That's one of the great things about the people and site, no expectations, no pressure.. Share if you like, take what you need, give back what you want.

I just haven't figured out at what point that I either can't contribute any longer, or don't have the desire.

At this point and time, I haven't figured that out, LOL...

Maybe for me, I want to be reminded of the ordeal, where I was, where I am, where I am going...

One thing that I have figured out..

Cancer has actually made me a better person than I was before..

Things that I thought were big, now aren't so much.

The things that I thought were small or unimportant, now are huge.

Best,

John

Hi Steve,

Glad you dropped by to say hi. Most of come here and many leave once clear of the major side effects post tx and go back to their lives. My journey is a bit unusual as I have hung here for much longer than the typical member. Very recently I caught a glimpse of seeing the exit door and making a dash for it.

My doctor visit today is on a six week schedule for a poke and scope. After the examination I asked him about long term prognosis, something I have avoided for over a year. Since my mental and physical health is super and I really feel better than pre cancer, my own mind started playing tricks on me, allowing me to start believing that I am better than before. After some discussion, the reality is cancer changes us forever and we are NEVER able to return and be the same as before. 

Even though much is still unknown for HPV+ HNC, it is clear current therapies are better at slaying this beast but no matter what, we remain cancer survivors and forever assigns us to a special high risk category. Given my great sense of well being I let myself fall into this false sense of being free of everything cancer. I had the biggest laugh with the doctor as I stated nobody who is healthy is getting a scope down their throat every six weeks looking for cancer.

Yes, the reality is cancer survivors are never going return into the mainstream of the general population. Recently, I looked at a morbity table and thought how wonderful that after 2-3 years post, the survival rate stops falling and levels off. How great! Then you look real hard at the line when it crosses out the right and at best it is crossing 90%, most of the lower. That is the reality folks. Line up 10 friends and shoot one dead, 9 live, yes 90% survival rate. The reality is sobering. Our heatlh is forever compromised.

I recently started a great job with even greater benefits. What got me into this place is I am faced with selecting various insurance options such as supplemental life and disability. Feeling so great, I honestly pondered long and hard deciding if I should elect these extra coverages. The chat with the doc today broiught me back to reality. In a very friendly exchange it was like how stupid it would be for a less than one year cancer survivor not to sign up for as much insurance as was offered, especially if it was available at very very low premiums.

Your post is so timely with my current mental gynmnastics about leaving cancer behind then almost certainly at some point feeling some sense of continued attachment with that experience. Some disappear, some drop in occassionally, and some hang around for the duration.

The same old saying, "everyone is different" applies to cancer survivors forever.

Glad yoiu ddropped in,

Don 

Steve5 said:

Update Thanks

Thanks everybody - I am still amazed at how I can feel better just after reading your posts - thanks for the humor and the serious side - I will smile today and try to make it worthwhile - thanks Don and Matt and PJ, John, Mike, C - KT and Phrannie - and all the other lurkers hanging out there and helping out - have a great day

By the way - I live in Maryland - just wanted to throw that out there -

Steve

Went to U of MD College Park for under grad and U of MD at Baltimore for Grad school!  Remember slow and steady wins the race!  Ha ha

I also monitor real live turtles off Masonboro Island in NC

Enough terrapin talk,

PJ