Oh boy ... here we go again

MsGebby
MsGebby Member Posts: 659
in Breast Cancer #1

Hello Lovely Pink Sisters....

I know it's been quite some time since I've ventured to this forum.  Actually, I've been spying on all of you!   I have read many posts and have grieved and laughed and been inspired by many.  Well, here I am because I am LOST.

I think the last time I posted was back in August of last year.  I was getting ready for my big move to Nevada.  Well, we packed our belongings and hit the road on September 24th and drove cross country.  We got here on September 30th.   Our new home is beautiful!  The views are spectacular.  Mountains everywhere.  We live in an area that is 20 minutes south of Las Vegas.  I can see LV from just about any vantage point.  The Holidays were OK.  I mean, this is the first time in my 58 years that I was not going to be with family on Thanksgiving.  But, a friend of mine did invite me and the hubby to have dinner with them and it was fabulous!  Then came Christmas and my daughter and SIL came for that holiday.  Boy was I spoiled!  It truly was the best!

New Year's came and went.  January was pretty quiet.   I did start to make appointments with different doctors.  You know ... had to get the routine stuff out of the way.  I finally found an oncologist and made an appointment on Jan. 30th.  She is fantastic!  I know I am going to love her.  She did blood work that day.  She also mentioned that she wanted to have the BRCA testing done on me.  Of course, we have to wait for the insurance to decide if they will pay for it.  So far .... no word.   The first week in February rolls in and I get a call from this doctor.  She says "your tumor markers a little high" and that she wants to do more blood work by the end of the month.  She wants to see if the numbers go up or down.  Of course I am wigging out.  Who wouldn't be?  Next she wants the mammo.  I had that today.  I am so frikkin scared!

I was at this facility for 1 1/2 hours for a mammo!  I only waited 10 minutes to be seen.   The technician had to take so many MORE pictures than usual.  I tried my best to stay positive.  I think I accomplished that UNTIL she came back and said "The doctor (radiologist) wants you to have an ultrasound...it's your lymph nodes".  She then said that my oncologist usually likes to do this herself so the ultrasound would not be performed right there.  OMG ...  I simply got up and went to the dressing room.   I just stood in the the room not knowing what to think.  I felt sucker punched.  I pulled myself together and got in my car and just cried.  

Ladies ... I don't understand.  I did everything I was told to do.  It's been 18 months since my last active treatment.  How does this happen?  I've always said "this was a fluke.  It's like tripping on air and breaking your nose.  It just doesn't happen".  I have also always said that I just want to run as fast as I can from the cancer and never look back.  I have been telling myself that 5 years will come and I will remain NED during those 5 years and I will say goodbye for good.  Is that too much to ask for?

I know many of you are true warriors.  I just don't know how to do this IF my u/s comes back positive.  My mind is going haywire.  I don't want to believe that there is a recurrence.   I just can't!!!

I come to you in search of enlightenment and for words of encouragement.   I will be hearing from my doctor ... probably tomorrow.  Or maybe not.  I go for the blood work on Thursday in her office.  DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Comments

  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #2
    Do they have your old

    Do they have your old records? your old mammos? there are many reasons your lymph nodes couldlook different. also many people never have tumor markers checked, so maybe theirs fluctuate too? It is my understanding that many things can make markers change.

    This all part of the cancer journey. But remember that you might have scares, ad they will lead you down the path of tests because you have had cancer and now you are a marked woman )haha and they will look at you much more closely, bummer. Doesnt mean you have a recurrence. But it does strike fear every time because the ax has fallen once. But it is entirely possible to be nothing, or something benign.   Cancer sucks for sure ,,, Big Hugs

  • hope67
    hope67 Member Posts: 181
    #3
    Oh, my

    I am so sorry for the scare you are having. This cancer really sucks. But you know, there is still a possibility that this is not a recurrence. I will pray for you that this is just a scare. Sending tons of positive thoughts for you. When will you know? I know that waiting is the hardest part.

    Huge hugs, Carmen

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #4
    Thinking of you
     
    Denise

    Thinking of you

     

    Denise

  • RozHopkins
    RozHopkins Member Posts: 578 Member
    #5
    Hi

    Let's get those results first.  You can do it, hang in there, grit those teeth and breath.

     

    If clear we will all feel elated, and shout from the roof tops.

     

    Are you near Bolder (Boulder) gorgeous in that area.  We too were thinking of that area for retirement.  Let me tell you my hubby lives to finish work and retire somewhere nice.  He talks endlessly and dreams but it is two years away.  My biggest FEAR is that when it happens I will spoil it all with a reoccurence before or after we finally move.  I am not religious but I am praying you are fine and continue enjoying your new phase of life.  

     

    Please tell us what happens.  

  • 1surfermom
    1surfermom Member Posts: 396 Member
    #6
    I wish my arms could reach to Nevada

    Oh I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I wish I could give you a hug to comfort you. As others have said we are all now marked and as a result will be watched more carefully. I am hoping that it is something else that triggered your markers, I was told that our lymphnodes are like catch basins and many times it is something other than cancer.  I will keep you in my prayers. Love Surf

  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #7
    Sweetie, you have had some

    Sweetie, you have had some terrifying news and you deserve to be scared!  I would be and have been and I know what it is to be sucker punched.  You also know, no matter what radiologist is saying, you will have to wait.  Waiting sucks!

    Take a deep breath...I know, I know.  I want to hit anyone who tells me that. 

    If it is a recurrence, see if they can biopsy the recurrence, because cancer can change from ER+ to neg, etc.  Mine has changed 3 X.

    And, if it is a recurrence, please remember that we do not come with an expiration date.  No one can say how long any of us have.  I have lived so long past my expiration date...now 27 years - eight of which I have been Stage 4.

    You never know if the next treatment will be the one that you respond to, so don't give up.  We are here for you ARE a warrior.  Keep kicking cancer's butt!!!!

  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #8
    Waiting is so darn hard….

    Any news, Mary?   Sometimes the markers tests does take a few days, depending on where you live.

    I heard the oncology nurse tell another patient (sitting in the chair next to me) to call on Friday for his marker test.  

    Wishing that all will be something benign.

    Best to you,

    Doris

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #9
    SIROD said:

    Waiting is so darn hard….

    Any news, Mary?   Sometimes the markers tests does take a few days, depending on where you live.

    I heard the oncology nurse tell another patient (sitting in the chair next to me) to call on Friday for his marker test.  

    Wishing that all will be something benign.

    Best to you,

    Doris

    Did you have ultrasound yet?

    Dang, Mary!  I don't get on as often as I used to either, but this is not what I wanted to see.  Maybe they just wanted to take a look at your lymph nodes that can't be seen with mammogram.   Just to be sure.  Regardless, I shall wait here for your next post, sending lots of enouragement, good mojo, etc. your way.

    Are you in Henderson?  My children both live there and we'll be there in April for my granddaughter's birthday.  Maybe we can get together personally then.  Wherever you are in the LV area, you can't be too far away from them.  There's only so many places one can be in that area . . .

    Please let us know soon how you are doing and what the mammogram, ultrasound, and additional lab work showed.

    Suzanne

     

  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #10
    Double Whammy said:

    Did you have ultrasound yet?

    Dang, Mary!  I don't get on as often as I used to either, but this is not what I wanted to see.  Maybe they just wanted to take a look at your lymph nodes that can't be seen with mammogram.   Just to be sure.  Regardless, I shall wait here for your next post, sending lots of enouragement, good mojo, etc. your way.

    Are you in Henderson?  My children both live there and we'll be there in April for my granddaughter's birthday.  Maybe we can get together personally then.  Wherever you are in the LV area, you can't be too far away from them.  There's only so many places one can be in that area . . .

    Please let us know soon how you are doing and what the mammogram, ultrasound, and additional lab work showed.

    Suzanne

     

    Yikes

    This is all so scary. And now the waiting and waiting and waiting.

    You'll let us know as soon as you know right? Cause we're waiting with you.

    xoxo

    Victoria

  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #11
    Sending hugs!

    So sorry to hear that you are going thrugh this, i have had two recurrances and it is so darned scary.  You may find it is just a fire drill so to speak and all is well, best to go the extra step to be sure sounds like you have good doctors on your side.  It may be just fine and in that case we will all sing Hallelujah and do a bit of dancing if not then time to fight and get your health back, no fun but you can do it!  While you are in limbo go out and do something or somethings fun that bring you happiness and get your mind off of your worries as much as possible. 


    Sending loving hugs and prayers!

    RE

     

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #12
    Sending you a hugs

    Hi Mary,

     Yes, you did everything you were told and you will if you need to. I hope your ultrasound will be negative allowing you moving forward with your life. The good news you found a carring doctor, good supportive medical team, and reaching out to us. Let us know when results come back, hopefully we will dance with you

    hugs

  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #13
    New Flower said:

    Sending you a hugs

    Hi Mary,

     Yes, you did everything you were told and you will if you need to. I hope your ultrasound will be negative allowing you moving forward with your life. The good news you found a carring doctor, good supportive medical team, and reaching out to us. Let us know when results come back, hopefully we will dance with you

    hugs

    We are thinking about you, Mary ..

    Any updates??   We are here for you.

     

    Vicki Sam

  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #14
    VickiSam said:

    We are thinking about you, Mary ..

    Any updates??   We are here for you.

     

    Vicki Sam

    Mary .. We are here for you ...

    any update?

     

    Vicki Sam

     

  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    #15
    Thinking of you

    Mary,

    I hope the results are in and you are okay and out enjoying life.  I have not been on here in months and thought that I would sneek a peek.  I think of you a lot and pray for you.  I'm glad the move was good.  It is normal to freak out.  I understand your need to reach out.  The girls in pink are always here for you.

     

    Terry

    ((hugs))

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