Done with radiation - major meltdown plus questions

blondie41
blondie41 Member Posts: 6
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

My husband is 1 week post radiation.  He is still on a liquid diet (but after reading so many posts, we expected this).  I had to laugh at him last night becuase he tried to eat a Gold Fish and about threw up at the taste (I'm not being mean, he's a little melodramatic, so his reaction was funny!)  But prior to that, he had a major meltdown, which took me by surprise!

I knew the last 2 weeks of radiation were tough on him, and that he was down more so than usual.  But he never would tell me what exactly was going on and how bad the crap coming out of his mouth was, or how severly his throat hurt.  I work full time during the day, so he would get up and text me to say he was feeling OK, so I'd go about my day.  We have been at odds with each other the last couple of days, so when we started talking last night and made up, he broke down about how awful the last 2 weeks were on him.  And I do mean broke down, crying and all.....I feel like a horrible wife because I allowed him to pull the wool over my eyes! He said that he would rather have died if he knew how bad the last part of radiation would be.  Well, I've already had one husband die on me, so I had to slap up side the head when he said that! 

He's better today, and is anxiously waiting to get the call to go back to work.  He drives a train and says that work will help take his mind off the fact that he can't eat, and hopefully make the time when can seem to come quicker.  I don't blame him, I couldn't sit at home feeling decent, doing nothing.  But with him being on a liquid diet only concerns me a little.  Will he have the stamina to drive/sit around waiting on a train for 12 hrs?  His normal work schedule is one that takes him out of town, he gets about 10-12 hrs rest, then heads back home....then it starts all over again in another 10-12 hrs. 

So, to my question...and of course it's about intimacy.  He doesn't have the crap coming out of his throat anymore, but still has a few sores (that we can see) in the back of his mouth.  He wants me to kiss him, but I'm not sure it's a good idea just yet.  He doesn't have any saliva, how's he going to perform that task?? LOL  Anyway, what has been others experience with the post cancer intimacy?

Comments

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #2
    Head Slap....

    LOL, you both get one... "KaPow"...

     

    As for the energy levels, well..., more than likely he's going to be at his weakest levels for awhie yet... But depending on how many calories he gets in him, Ensure, Boost, whatever, along with hydration, and rest..., that's all key.

    I didn't have enough to do the lawn work for the last few weeks of rads and the next several, unitl I started getting some real food into me.

    As for your head slap, LOL....

    I'm sure if you're both willing you can figure out how to achieve a good ole kiss...

    Most of us figured out ways of doing a little more than that..., LOL.

    That is something that "you" have to resolve, it sounds like he has figured it out already and it'll work for him.

    If you are worried about catching something, I wouldn't... More than likely anything he had or has was squashed with all of the chemo and rads...

    I mean, if you're wanting to go on a mission of some heavy kissing, that might be a different story if his mouth is tore up..., LOL..

     

    Anyways, having some fun...., you should also...

    Best,

    John

     

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #3
    kissing 101

    Blondie41,

    First off, congratulations for finishing treatments (in one piece).

    Energy wise, he should quickly know how he is doing.  I drank a lot of smoothies and did just fine.  Real food and real eating is real different, but most figure it out.

    As for the other, I thought he wasn’t feeling well, I guess that goes out the window.  After all the rads were to his H&N area only.  A kiss is a good start.

    Matt

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #4
    YEAH!!! Rads are over!

    As for going back to work?  If he's the Engineer, does that mean he doesn't have to jump on and off the train, doing whatever train people do with tracks, signals, etc?  It would all depend on how physical the work is, and how stressful.....I went back to work 6 weeks after treatment ended.....tho it wasn't physical, it was high stress and shift work....I was exhausted the first 3 or 4 months.  If he can stand waiting 4 weeks out of treatment I'd suggest that.....will they let him see how he feels doing a run, and if it's too much back off for a couple of weeks?

    I'm sure he is starving.....I was so hungry after treatment I was watching the food network all the time, and sometimes would go over to the neighbors just to watch them eat, and we'd talk about food and recepies....talking about food seemed to help me. 

    Kissing shouldn't be a problem....he's done with chemo, too....my Drs. didn't want me kissing or doing anything intimate because chemo can transfer to another person via body fluids.....but now?  Give him a big old smooch....he deserves one! :)

    p

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #5
    blondie, i'm so sorry your

    blondie, i'm so sorry your husband had a meltdown but i'm very happy that it got his true feelings out in the open.  he should always be honest with you so you can be able to help him feel better or just let him know that you're there for him.  tell him he doesn't have to be macho thru this, its not cool....lol.  i also felt like your husband after tx, i felt for a long time that i would have rather died than to have had the tx if i knew how it was going to affect the rest of my life.  then my younger sister had a stroke and was blessed to come thru it w/o any effects and i decided then that I was going to be thankful and start living again.  i had forgotten all the reasons, my kids, husband, family, friends, dog, etc, to live.  I am pleased that your husband is feeling better and just a little anxious.  Let him know that it will start to get better now that tx is done.  he has completed the worst part and can now start to heal.  as for a kiss, go for it.  if he's up to it, then i don't think anything would be wrong with it.  enjoy!!

    God bless you both,

    dj

  • KB56
    KB56 Member Posts: 318 Member
    #6
    Done

    Blondie, sounds like your husband is getting a little "frisky" and a good sign that he is on the way to recovery!   Congratulations!

    The last 2 weeks of radiation were brutal and all of us probably had a meltdown or two along the way.   He's now finished and in a week or so he should start to feel a little better.  I went back to work about 4 weeks post treatment but mine was not a physical job but it was hard the first week and slowly got better.   As soon as he feels like it he should start walking and getting some physical activity and how he handles that will give him a good indication of his stamina, etc.

    in the meantime, get your mouth good and wet and give him a big ole kiss!

    good luck,

    Keith

  • blondie41
    blondie41 Member Posts: 6
    #7
    Thanks everyone!  He did

    Thanks everyone!  He did finish his first run this morning and was so happy to be back at work, he said he feels great!  He's even been able to get down some solids....he says meat actually tastes like meat.  And he said he will never eat ice cream again! LOL

    I'm so thankful I found this website!  It's been so helpful through this ordeal.  God bless everyone!! Laughing

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #8
    blondie41 said:

    Thanks everyone!  He did

    Thanks everyone!  He did finish his first run this morning and was so happy to be back at work, he said he feels great!  He's even been able to get down some solids....he says meat actually tastes like meat.  And he said he will never eat ice cream again! LOL

    I'm so thankful I found this website!  It's been so helpful through this ordeal.  God bless everyone!! Laughing

    Ummmmmm....

    So did he get his big kiss...., LOL?

  • fishmanpa
    fishmanpa Member Posts: 1,227 Member
    #9
    One Man's Loss.....

    Let's just say that his lack of saliva will be more than compensated for by your abundance of it ;)~ 

    Positive thoughts and coochi coochi!

    "T"

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