I just wanted to share this with you all...

annalexandria
annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
edited December 2013 in Colorectal Cancer #1

I wrote this post for another site a few years ago, and I've posted it once before here (I think...dang chemo brain).  But I wanted to share it again, given all that our little virtual family has gone through of late.  It helped me to write it.  I hope it helps some of you as well.

 

BEACH GLASS

The Pacific Ocean. There is no other place quite like it. When I was in treatment, I spent as many days as I could at the coast, absorbing the tangy salt smell, the cries of the gulls, the sounds of the waves crashing on the shore. It filled me with a sense of peaceful energy, enough to give me the strength to return to the city and another brutal round of chemo. My son and I would spend many hours wandering along the edge of the water, heads down, searching. We were on the lookout for little treasures, especially beach glass. I’m not sure why, but Owen gets so excited (me too!) at the sight of a smooth, colorful bit of glass. Edges rounded by years of tumbling in the sand and waves, they are wonderful to touch. And the colors! Green, blue, white, brown,,,did you know red is the rarest? Of every five thousand pieces, only one will be red. The day we found not one, but two, pieces of red glass was such a thrill! But one day, Owen picked up a piece that was still sharp. It poked his finger and he dropped it, with a yelp. He was surprised by this and asked me why the glass had hurt him. I explained to him that it was too new a piece, too fresh…the passage of time hadn’t yet worked its magic, smoothing the edges and making it easier to hold. It occurred to me as I talked with my son that grief is much the same way. In the first weeks, months, perhaps even years, of mourning the loss of someone we love, the grief is very much like that piece of glass that cut my son. Its edges are sharp, it hurts to hold. But as time passes, the contours of our grief begin to change, to be softened and smoothed. It becomes possible to hold our grief close, to handle it and feel its shape, without suffering the sharpness of a cut. Our grief is still there, still very real, but transformed by time into something a little softer, more gentle to the touch. It is neither an easy process nor a quick one, but in the end, every jagged shard earns its own rare beauty.

 

Dedicated to all our fellow cancer fighters here at CSN who have passed on. You are missed.

Lots o' love to all~AA

Comments

  • devotion10
    devotion10 Member Posts: 623 Member
    #2
    So incredibly touching AA ...

    ...  "In the first weeks, months, perhaps even years, of mourning the loss of someone we love, the grief is very much like that piece of glass that cut my son. Its edges are sharp, it hurts to hold. But as time passes, the contours of our grief begin to change, to be softened and smoothed. It becomes possible to hold our grief close, to handle it and feel its shape, without suffering the sharpness of a cut. Our grief is still there, still very real, but transformed by time into something a iittle softer, more gentle to the touch. It is neither an easy process nor a quick one, but in the end, every jagged shard earns its own rare beauty"  ...

    I am putting this on my desk so that I can read it often.  Thanking for sharing. Love ya. ~ Cynthia

  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456 Member
    #3
    Well, I almost made it to the

    Well, I almost made it to the end without crying....

    It's a beautiful post Ann, and like the other Cynthia, I'm also going to print this out. 

    Thank you dear, that was really lovely, and wise.  :)

    Cynthia

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    #4
    LivinginNH said:

    Well, I almost made it to the

    Well, I almost made it to the end without crying....

    It's a beautiful post Ann, and like the other Cynthia, I'm also going to print this out. 

    Thank you dear, that was really lovely, and wise.  :)

    Cynthia

    beach glass

    See, our sharp pieces will get smooth with time.  When the king asked the wise man for a saying that would fit all occasions, the reply was: This too shall pass.  Not that we will forget our loved ones, but the hurt will soften over time.  Hang in there  Dear.

  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117 Member
    #5
    LivinginNH said:

    Well, I almost made it to the

    Well, I almost made it to the end without crying....

    It's a beautiful post Ann, and like the other Cynthia, I'm also going to print this out. 

    Thank you dear, that was really lovely, and wise.  :)

    Cynthia

    thank you

    Ann for posting this,it has been a very hard Christmas for me and my family with the passing of my stepdad of 40 years.my mother (wolfen) should print this one.at least i got to hear his voice on Christmas day when i called my mom she was not home and the answereing machine picked up.later found out her ,my brother and nephew had went to the cemetary to leave some flowers.you are a very kind and caring person and im glad you are part of this board....Godbless....johnnybegood

  • fatbob2010
    fatbob2010 Member Posts: 467 Member
    #6
    Ok Tears...

    Anna,

    I thought that I would be strong enough to read through your beautiful post without being overwhelmed.

    Did not work out that way.Cry

    Thank you for sharing those enduring thoughts with all of us.  My experience with grief has been similar.  Not only my own, but others as well.  

    For my own sanity, I add a layer of callous to my personality.  Thank you for helping to peel it away: if only for a few minutes.  

    Yet, for me that is, despite this layer, layer of emotional armor, I have yet to become immune to the toll that grief brings. 

    Shalom,

    Art

  • traci43
    traci43 Member Posts: 773 Member
    #7
    Lovely post

    What a wonderful way to look at grief.  I will remember this post.  Thanks for sharing!  Traci

  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary Member Posts: 827 Member
    #8
    Thanks so much, Ann....a

    Thanks so much, Ann....a wonderful reflection.

    blessings for the New Year

    CM

  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169 Member
    #9
    Thank you, Ann.  Beautifully

    Thank you, Ann.  Beautifully written and very comforting to read.   I could feel my sharp edges softening as I read your words.  I'm very grateful that you decided to post it again.

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    #10
    Very beautiful Ann - thanks

    Very beautiful Ann - thanks for sharing!

  • mrscrain
    mrscrain Member Posts: 11
    #11
    Thank you..

    Thank you for sharing.  I've never heard that before and I certainly won't forget it.  Very powerful story there. 

    Much appreciation,

    Melissa

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    #12
    johnnybegood said:

    thank you

    Ann for posting this,it has been a very hard Christmas for me and my family with the passing of my stepdad of 40 years.my mother (wolfen) should print this one.at least i got to hear his voice on Christmas day when i called my mom she was not home and the answereing machine picked up.later found out her ,my brother and nephew had went to the cemetary to leave some flowers.you are a very kind and caring person and im glad you are part of this board....Godbless....johnnybegood

    Hey Jbg..been wondering how

    Hey Jbg..been wondering how you are doing.  Hope you are doing well.

  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #13
    thank you

    Thank you AA.  I love to collect sea glass and will often ride my bike down the street and walk through the tide pools and look for those treasures.  It is so peaceful and something I love to do.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Aloha

    Kathleen

  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117 Member
    #14
    jen2012 said:

    Hey Jbg..been wondering how

    Hey Jbg..been wondering how you are doing.  Hope you are doing well.

    hey jen

    i have been given a holiday break that will soon be over(having anxiety) had a ct scan on Dec.19 and will see my onc on Jan6,after being in the hospital we have room to lower the dosage on irrinatecan so i know i will be stating back the week of jan 6 more than likely.oh and my flex sig was good no cancer in original site but he did say my colon was very red and irritated.thanks for asking...Godbless...johnnybegood

  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    #15
    A great story!   So many

    A great story!   So many times we forget what is really important.

     

    Best Always!   mike

  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    #16
    johnnybegood said:

    hey jen

    i have been given a holiday break that will soon be over(having anxiety) had a ct scan on Dec.19 and will see my onc on Jan6,after being in the hospital we have room to lower the dosage on irrinatecan so i know i will be stating back the week of jan 6 more than likely.oh and my flex sig was good no cancer in original site but he did say my colon was very red and irritated.thanks for asking...Godbless...johnnybegood

    Hi JBG
    I was happy to see you

    Hi JBG

    I was happy to see you back on the forum.   Folfiri was very difficult for me.   We are sending our thoughts and prayers for your strength and health in 2014!

     

    Best Always,  mike

     

  • rls67
    rls67 Member Posts: 127
    #17
    thxmiker said:

    A great story!   So many

    A great story!   So many times we forget what is really important.

     

    Best Always!   mike

    Thank you Ann,

    you are a godsend to all of us. I wish I had half your strength and courage and heart.

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
    #18
    rls67 said:

    Thank you Ann,

    you are a godsend to all of us. I wish I had half your strength and courage and heart.

    Dear rls67-

    you do have it, just as much as I do.  The fact that you are walking the path with your wife on this hardest of journeys, not turning your back on her when she needs you most, says it all.  It takes courage to deal with a cancer diagnosis...it takes something beyond courage to love and care for those of us dealing with this wretched disease.

    Love and strength to you and your wife.

    AA

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