Done stewing.....

You have to remember that you stopped the tamoxifen because the side effects were creating problems that affected your quality of life.  Cancers recur and mets show up even when we follow all the advice, do all the meds, take all the chemo, do all the rads.  They will show up in one person who does it all and not show up in someone who choses to stop parts or all of their treatment.  So don't beat yourself up and don't let her make you feel that you brought on your own mets.  And ask yourself, would you have wanted to go through all those side effects for 10 years.  They sound like they were making your life miserable.   I am sure she wants the best for you and pain management is so important in hospice but she does lack bedside manner which is always important in a doctor but even more so with a hospice doctor.  For pities sake, she is supposed to easing not just the physical pain but the emotional pain as well during this time.  I would definitely bring a family member along to future appointments and I would show her the paperwork that shows what your mother was given   I don't blame you for not wanting a med that causes seizures and strokes.  I am glad that she found something to give you to ease the nausea.  Couldn't she have accessed your hospital records and found out what they gave you? 

I hope that her bedside manner improves as you sound like you are satisfied with her otherwise.  My prayers and kindest thoughts are with you. 

I am boiling mad for you!!!! The  nerve of that doctor!!! I HATE when I tell medical UNprofessionals something and they poo poo me and say I am wrong. And for a dr. to treat you like that when you are getting palliative care!!!! She should not be dealing with patients in your situation.

You should have doctors that are knowledgable as well as caring and with an impeccable bedside manner. Being a doctor is not all about knowing facts. A doctor also needs to be able to know how to conduct themselves with patients and caregivers!!! THAT is part of their JOB.

Is there anyway you can switch to a different doctor? My blood pressure would go sky high thinking about her, seeing her, etc.

You deserve such better, caring treatment. Like I said, knowing how to relate with patients and caregivers is part of the job as well.

You can tell that dr. that I said she is a horrible beast, a pompous ****, and WRONG (regarding your mother).

I began tamoxifen a week after my last chemo in March 1995 and for the next 4 years took the pill faithfully until March 1999 when a tumor was discovered in my axilla.

In October 1996, I had a bout of cellulitis in the arm that the nodes were taken out.  I asked if this could in any way be related to cancer the answer was "no" from my oncologist and then primary care.

In January 1997, I went to see my surgeon due to hernia problems when he notice my arm was as red as a lobster claw.  He immediately put me in the hospital.  I ask again, could this be related to cancer and the answer was "no".  The doctor that release me wasn't my surgeon but another from the hospital and again asked the question "no" was the answer.

I was very careful not to have a papercut, or pin prick or anything that could again cause cellulitis.  In November 1998, it happen.  I went to my surgeon and once again was in the hospital, same thing and I did go see my new primary care doctor (still have the same one today).  No cellulitis wasn't related to cancer.

This time the pain didn't go away.  I had a ct scan that showed a tumor and then had a needle core biopsy with an ultra sound which showed the tumor to be ER+ and PR+.  They told me to stop Tamoxifen after 4 years of being on it.  Cellulitis was caused because the tumor blocked the lymph and bacteria backed up.  I also ended up being stage 4 with ribs being involved.   

So there is no guarantee that taken Tamoxifen will keep you from going to stage IV.  Why not print these post out and explain to your doctor that your stopping Tamoxifen did not cause mets.  At some point before your surgery to remove the tumor in 2003, a cell went into hiding and woke up in 2010 to cause the mets you have now.

Best,

Doris

Wow, my jaw dropped when I read your post! I was on Tamoxifen for five years, off for two and had a recurrance in my reconstructed breast. First time was DCIS, second IDC. I am on my third onc, only because I had to switch insurance. This onc said my report from my first cancer said I had some IDC. I was never told this before. So, the theory is that a cell with IDC was left during my surgery and developed the second cancer. I didn't have chemo or rads the first time around.

I tell you this because we make the choices that we feel are best for us at the time. I took Tamoxifen and still had the recurrance. Had I had chemo and rads, maybe it wouldn't have happened again. Who knows. Your onc is insensitive when she implies you caused your recurrance.  If it were me, I would tell her so, but I'm rather blunt about those things.

Know that all of us here understand the choices you have made. Don't second guess yourself - it doesn't provide the answers anyway. Instead, spend your time celebrating who you are and enjoy your family.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Barb A