all alone and scared

Losing a parent to anything is hard. It sounds like you were a great son, though. You father did good by you. Your love for him is obvious. You will always hold. in your heart and through your memories. I have a friend who has adopted me as "the mother of her heart." She also has an amazing group of friends she considers her "made family." Take time to grieve in your own way. Then consider your friends  as family. If they can't fill that role, look for some new friends who can. My friend has found her "family" by being active in community groups that give back to the community. Think about it. These are people who are loving and giving.

I agree that we can usually find someone who is less fortunate than we are. That doesn't make our grief any less.  Know, though, that you are not alone. You might want to find a grief group in your area. Take care of yourself now. Don't shut either old or new friends out. They may not know what to say or what you are feeling, but they can be there for you. Fay

kat2013 said:

I am very sick at the moment,

I am very sick at the moment, but I had to respond to your post. I am so sorry you feel so alone. There are many support forums where you can talk to others who are feeling the exact same way. This is a cancer forum, so it isn't exactly what you need. I looked for some forums that can help you, with many people who are lonely, and lost someone special and are grieving. Please check them out because you are NOT alone. If you go there, you'll see many people understand....and maybe you will make some new friends there as well! I wish you all the best.....stay strong and reach out to these people. Please come back here from time to time and post on how you are doing and if these forums I'm listing help you ok? I'll be praying for you too! Here are the forums you can try:

http://www.onlinegriefsupport.com/group/traumaticsuddenloss/forum/topics/the-loneliness-is-getting-worse

 http://www.otrib.com/community/forums/comments.php?DiscussionID=5732

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/92001-very-lonely/

I can understand somewhat how you feel.  You are not a "priority" to anybody.  If you have relatives, they probably have their own kids, grandkids, etc so you are basically the "5th wheel".

My father was disabled when I was 13. Soon as I could drive I got the groceries and I did the lawn maintenance. I'm a gal and was an only child. My dad passed in 1993 and mom in 2001. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2012 and basically went through it all solo.  So far doing good.  I spend the holidays by myself. I have friends but they have their own families and the holidays are for families. I just feel an intruder.

I know it is DARN hard but you will get through it. Talk to a counselor if you think that would help. It did help me. Most insurance pays for a few counseling sessions a year, mine does. It is nice to have someone just listen.  Look into volunteering maybe. You can start in a very small way. I deliver pet food once a month to those needing it for a 401c charity. It helps, it is needed, and gives me a community feeling.

I wish I could give you more advice but seeing a counselor would help you think things through better in your mind and get yourself on a good path. Good Luck!

Brody1958 said:

Identify

I'm alone, too as I wrote earlier.  If you want a pen pal, feel free to write.  

Brody1958 and OP: I'd be happy to have you guys as pen pal....I'm also an orphan...although I'm at the other end of the scale...I'm too young to have kids, or be married and my age group are in middle school who have their parents and family around so they just make fun of me instead of be my friends...:/