Missing what cancer stole from me

I lost my 46 year old husband to plasma cell leukemia on April 4, 2013.  We were only married 11 months but I miss him intensely.  The first few months I think I was in denial, but now I feel so alone and wish I had someone to hold me at night. Grief is a crazy thing. Some days I feel almost normal and others I feel paralyzed. It is so hard to star living an  loving again.