Xofigo

Rakendra said:

quality of life

My heart  goes out to you and your husband, and you ask an important question that most of us are going to have to answer as well, and that answer is neither the same nor easy to come by for anyone.  What is quality of life is not the same for everyone, as is pain tolerance, and no one can answer the question for you.  It would be easy to say that in all probability your husband's future would not be comfortable or maybe even worth the effort, and pain relief in an almost hopeless situation is not worth life extension with treatment that will have serious side effects.  On the other hand, perhaps hypnosis, pain therapy, smoking weed, meditation, spiritual (NOT religious) counseling, massage, and any other off beat therapy might extend a happier life.  I would definitely look at getting weed and the stronger the better, even hash if it is available.  It will help the nausea and apetite immensely, and I would have it as my constant companion.  And you do not have to smoke the weed, he can eat it as well.

In any case, this is life, and it is the same for all of us.  Perhaps take a sheet of paper and divide into two parts,  On one part write down the advantages in life extension.  On the other side write the disadvantages.  You will have your answer, perhaps.  You certainly must find a way to make him more comfortable, especially throwing up which is a horror for older people.  Ask him what he wants, and support that answer.  Increase the love energy and try to make this experience a positive one for you, your husband, and your family.  What is is what is, that you cannot change.  Acceptance and celebration are the only answer.  Death does NOT have to be a negative experience for him or for you.  Greiving is natural and acceptable, hysteria and wanting to change what is, is not.  Celebrate his life and his passing.  He may be the one to celebrate his passing with joy.  Support that and share that joy with him.  Open your heart and mind and live in love and gratitude for all the lessons you are being given.  Use this experience to prepare yourself for your future end times as well.  All is good and all is there for us to learn and grow.  Use this experience.  My love and support go to you and your husband.  What will be, will be.  much love, Swami Rakendra

well, my husband has taken a turn for the worse.  He is now in a hospice house which neither him nor I were prepared for.  I ended up taking him to ER, turns out he has a blood clot on his brain... "subarachnoid hemorrage".  At first they were going to remove it, then dixcovered his calcium level was to high and platlets too low.  After a day and a half of working on this, they told me that it was too much of a risk and it really wouldn't help him much cuz the cancer was all over his bones and it was just a matter of time now. 

Before I knew it, we were signing forms...and they took him to a hospice house.  They started pumping him with morphine and out he went.  I stayed with him all night and he woke up a cpl times as he heard me crying.  He told me not to cry.  He ate a cheese omlette the next morning, and he was kind of dopey but more or less aware of things, then morphine was given and out he went.  He's been in there for 2 days and this is the 3rd night.  They've now up'd his dose from 8 to 10 mg(?) every 4 hours.  He did request to die at home, and my gut is telling me he wasn't ready to be this doped up before he said his goodbyes.  I know he was in lots of pain, but WE didn't know they were going to keep him so doped up on morphine that he cant eat or anything else. Tonight I asked them to bring him back down to 8mg(?)(not sure if its mg) and hopefully in the morn I can have some sort of contact with him to understand if this is what he wants.

I just don't know what is right or wrong at this point in time, but I do honestly feel that he didn't plan on going down this soon and this way.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, and your words were very comforting.  And by the way, he does smoke weed, and he is 52 yrs old.

Thanks again,

VascodaGama said:

Your husband

Caltraci

I am sorry for the last news about the advanced conditions of your husband. I think you are doing the best he could have.

He is so young yet with a cancer so advanced.

I pray for both of you.

VG 

Thank you for your reply.  He passed away on 11/12/13.  WOW.  What a shock.  I was not expecting him to die so soon.  And I am lost.  I know time will heal this pain eventually.....and I do know that he was in a lot of pain and he is not now.  What else can one say?  When it comes to death, there really aren't any words to explain the sorrow one feels.