It was hard to end treatment

iluvbutton
iluvbutton Member Posts: 8
in Breast Cancer #1

This is the first time I have been to this site, and I'm sorry I didn't know about it earlier. From what I've read today, the people on here think just like me! I was diagnosed in May 2012 and had radical mastectomy on right breast and complete lymph node removal underarm (9 nodes were cancerous). Chemo before and after plus rads for 6 weeks. I just finished Herception infusions last month.

I was wondering if any of you have had a hard time finishing treatment. I had to travel 5 hours to get to my treatment center for 1 1/2 yrs and I got really close with the staff. Every 20 days, they gave me new courage to go on plus answered all my questions. It has been hard to let go of this support. I was really upset for a couple of weeks before the last treatment. Throughout the whole ordeal, I would get insomnia and that was when the negative thoughts would creep in (at night). The strange thing was that a couple of nights before my last trip, I woke up crying thinking "How can I say goodbye? I love you all". After that, I felt much better and have really started enjoying my life again. Just waking up and cooking and working in the garden, talking to my son and daughter etc. But I think about this love I have for the medical staff. I guess it is mostly gratitude. Has anyone else had a hard time letting go? I wasn't the crying type and the staff was always amazed by my joking and happy attitude. Maybe I was hiding my feelings a bit, but that's me I guess.

I'm amazed by the courage of you all and am humbled by your spirit!

Hugs, Anna

Comments

  • eaurand1
    eaurand1 Member Posts: 7
    #2
    Hey Anna

    Hi Anna,

    I really can't answer your question but I wanted to welcome you to the site and let you know I'm glad to hear you're done with your treatments and are beginning to get back to normal. 

    I joined soon after I was diagnosed a few weeks ago.  I've had the lumpectomy and port insertion and will begin my first round of chemo on the 15th.  I will also be on the Herceptin along with Taxotere and Paraplatin. They want to follow that with rads. I only had one positive node and will have a PET this Thursday. 

    By far the hardest part of this disease is waiting for answers although so far my procedures and treatments are moving along very quickly. 

    I can understand how you would get close to all your caregivers.  Most people in the medical field are very special people and after all they literally save your life!!

    Congratulations again on your recovery!

    God Bless

    -Edna

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
    medical staff become part of

    medical staff become part of the FAMILY-I can understand feeling sad!

  • iluvbutton
    iluvbutton Member Posts: 8
    #4
    eaurand1 said:

    Hey Anna

    Hi Anna,

    I really can't answer your question but I wanted to welcome you to the site and let you know I'm glad to hear you're done with your treatments and are beginning to get back to normal. 

    I joined soon after I was diagnosed a few weeks ago.  I've had the lumpectomy and port insertion and will begin my first round of chemo on the 15th.  I will also be on the Herceptin along with Taxotere and Paraplatin. They want to follow that with rads. I only had one positive node and will have a PET this Thursday. 

    By far the hardest part of this disease is waiting for answers although so far my procedures and treatments are moving along very quickly. 

    I can understand how you would get close to all your caregivers.  Most people in the medical field are very special people and after all they literally save your life!!

    Congratulations again on your recovery!

    God Bless

    -Edna

    Dear Edna

    Thanks so much for your reply. I'm so glad you found this site so early in your treatment. You are going to be doing almost the same therapy I did (except I had adjuvant treatment before the mastectomy to shrink the tumor which was 5cm).

    I think the toughest part for you will be the Taxotere. It has some pretty nasty symptoms, but now I am so glad I was on it. When you get that clear CT scan 6 months later, everything you did will be SO worth it. You feel like you've been handed your life back. The Herceptin is much much easier and the radiation was very easy. It's just a bit annoying having to go to the center every day. In my case, I had to spend two months away from my husband and daughter because we live in the country and I had to be in my country's capital (I'm an American in Europe). About waiting for answers I really feel for you. The system here is that you get the answers right away. Maybe that isn't always so good come to think of it. When I first went for a simple mastectomy and came out of the doc's office one hour later with a paper saying I had Birads 4 and needed an urgent MRI, it was a shock. I was standing on a street corner crying on the cell to my husband. Then, half an hour after the MRI a month later, I was told I had 80% chance of BC. Within two hours, I was sent to the amazing lady who would become my surgeon and got a needle biopsy confirming that I had it right then! So maybe you could consider the waiting periods to be a time to digest all that they are checking for. I know it is so,so hard though. Oh, one thing I wish somebody had told me about the Taxotere to Herceptin route. I lost about 15 pounds on the Taxotere (and due to the surgery) and when I got off it, my taste for food came back. So I started eating a lot of all my favorite foods and the pounds came back. Only with the Herceptin I kept gaining!! Now I'm 10 lbs over my regular weight! It's no biggie, but I do wish I hadn't eaten quite so much lol! I can already feel my stomach shrinking down now that I'm done, so it's all just temporary.

    Best of luck for your successful treatment! It will go faster than you think, I swear!!

    Talk to you again soon,

    Love,Anna

  • iluvbutton
    iluvbutton Member Posts: 8
    #5
    disneyfan2008 said:

    medical staff become part of

    medical staff become part of the FAMILY-I can understand feeling sad!

    Yes they really do. The one

    Yes they really do. The one good thing about BC has been meeting a bunch of wonderful people - medical staff AND patients!

    Thanks for understanding,

    Anna

  • coco2008
    coco2008 Member Posts: 418
    #6
    iluvbutton said:

    Yes they really do. The one

    Yes they really do. The one good thing about BC has been meeting a bunch of wonderful people - medical staff AND patients!

    Thanks for understanding,

    Anna

    I just had my BMX last week. 

    I just had my BMX last week.  Just before surgery my onco told me I wouldn't need to see him for a month.  I suddenly felt abandoned.  I haven't gone more than 2 weeks without seeing him.  He makes me feel safe because of his knowledge and great ability to listen and respond to my concerns.

    I felt like such a baby. So I can see your concern.

    My prayers are withh you (and for me, too).

    Sandy

  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691 Member
    #7
    Hi Anna, welcome to the

    Hi Anna, welcome to the site! 

    I just wanted to add that I did feel very much the same way.  I finished all my treatment almost 2 years ago.  It was rather sad to say goodbye to the wonderful support I had during my treatment for which I have so much gratitude.  I too joked and laughed with the staff so much.   I spoke with the Oncologist about how I felt and he referred me to the 'Cancer therapist'.  I visit her every 3 weeks or so, she checks in, we chat and I feel I have continued support.    I have been told this is not uncommon to feel this way after treatment. 

     It sounds like you are journeying  through life quite well post treatment and I wish you well in your healing.

     

    take care

    Mariam

  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691 Member
    #8
    Hi Anna, welcome to the

    Hi Anna, welcome to the site! 

    I just wanted to add that I did feel very much the same way.  I finished all my treatment almost 2 years ago.  It was rather sad to say goodbye to the wonderful support I had during my treatment for which I have so much gratitude.  I too joked and laughed with the staff so much.   I spoke with the Oncologist about how I felt and he referred me to the 'Cancer therapist'.  I visit her every 3 weeks or so, she checks in, we chat and I feel I have continued support.    I have been told this is not uncommon to feel this way after treatment. 

     It sounds like you are journeying  through life quite well post treatment and I wish you well in your healing.

     

    take care

    Mariam

  • iluvbutton
    iluvbutton Member Posts: 8
    #9
    mariam_11_09 said:

    Hi Anna, welcome to the

    Hi Anna, welcome to the site! 

    I just wanted to add that I did feel very much the same way.  I finished all my treatment almost 2 years ago.  It was rather sad to say goodbye to the wonderful support I had during my treatment for which I have so much gratitude.  I too joked and laughed with the staff so much.   I spoke with the Oncologist about how I felt and he referred me to the 'Cancer therapist'.  I visit her every 3 weeks or so, she checks in, we chat and I feel I have continued support.    I have been told this is not uncommon to feel this way after treatment. 

     It sounds like you are journeying  through life quite well post treatment and I wish you well in your healing.

     

    take care

    Mariam

    Thank you Sandy and Mariam

    Thanks to both of you. It helps so much that you understand. Good luck and stay well both of you!

  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #10
    iluvbutton said:

    Thank you Sandy and Mariam

    Thanks to both of you. It helps so much that you understand. Good luck and stay well both of you!

    Same here

    I felt exactly the same!  I got through it all with my totally daft sense of humour and 'adorable' english accent, the day treatment (rads) finished... well I felt kinda cut loose, bereft even.  I think it is just such a whirlwind of activity (bloody hell, I needed a season-ticket to the hospital car park)  that when it is over you ask yourself........ What Now?,  The answer is:  Enjoy life, live it to the full!  We are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but please put this to the very BACK of your mind.  It really is possible, believe me.  Good luck for your cancer-free future and best wishes for a long, happy and FUN life!  Huge Huge Tash xxxxxxxxxx

  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #11
    iluvbutton said:

    Thank you Sandy and Mariam

    Thanks to both of you. It helps so much that you understand. Good luck and stay well both of you!

    Same here

    I felt exactly the same!  I got through it all with my totally daft sense of humour and 'adorable' english accent, the day treatment (rads) finished... well I felt kinda cut loose, bereft even.  I think it is just such a whirlwind of activity (bloody hell, I needed a season-ticket to the hospital car park)  that when it is over you ask yourself........ What Now?,  The answer is:  Enjoy life, live it to the full!  We are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but please put this to the very BACK of your mind.  It really is possible, believe me.  Good luck for your cancer-free future and best wishes for a long, happy and FUN life!  Huge Huge Tash xxxxxxxxxx

  • Cricket64
    Cricket64 Member Posts: 63
    #12
    I think that your feeling...

    I think that the feelings we have at end of each phase of our journey, are completely normal.  My medical team warmed me ahead of time, to expect a feeling of loss, I thought you've got to be kidding me.  But, they were right!  Every person I met along the path, gave a pep talk, that seemed to really come from their hearts.  Last week, I marked the two year, end of treatments, that is, if we don't count the oral meds that go on for five years.  I just recently moved from the ever 3 month, to every 6 month check up schedule, and there is a definate feeling of loss of confidence.

  • mhmama
    mhmama Member Posts: 5
    #13
    Feeling abandoned is normal

    When I finished my chemo, it was like.. Now what?  When I finished my radiation therapy, again a feeling of "is that it?"  Last week, I went in for my 6 months check up and when I was checking out, the receptionjist said that I didn't need to make an appointment because I was done.  I actually felt panic.  I know it has been 5 years but the oncologist just told me that I have to stay on the Femara for 5 more years.  Five more years on this med that makes me miserable and he doesn't want me to come back....  I called this week and talked to his PA and she was shocked.  It turned out that the receptionist had no business saying that and that I have to continue to see him every 6 months for the next 5 years.  I am relieved but I will always remember that feeling of total abandonment.  So yes, I know what you mean.

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