93 year old grandmother with breast cancer

coco2008 said:

Sorry to hear about your

Sorry to hear about your grandmother.  I can't imagine having to make these decisions for someone else.  My prayers are with you all.

Sandy

Sandy:

I had final decsion making for my mom-I DID what she has told me over the  years...NOT what I wanted..I THINK that is why she put me in charge KNOWING I WOULD follow her wishes. IT was hard but she trusted me.

disneyfan2008 said:

So sorry to hear of this...My

So sorry to hear of this...My peronal opinion is let her be-she has been through enough-heart issues etc.

MY MOM did not die of cancer but she had much of what your granmother has and when she coudln't make decisions-we stopped anything to add more stress to her life. YOU know her best-my mom was so scared of everything I saw no sense and doing more things to stress her. LIKE I SAID each have to make family decision but at her age I WOULDN"T want to have her go through surgery etc.

Denise..

 HOW alert and aware is your grandmother? Has a social worker or anyone professional spoken to her yet?

ITS so hard-I KNOW...I"ll be thinking of you and your family.

We are in that stuation with my MIL she is 84 with alzheimers, mid stages, she was just diagnosed with intestinal tumor, we are working it up, but are not going to anything majorly invasive. If it is superficial they can remove it with some sort of scope, if not, then we will opt for no treatment. We are opting for quality not quantity of life. She knows somewhat what is going on, but cant make decisions, but we know she c0uld not withstand treatment, and why put her through this when she has already a terminal disease in the alzheimers. Its all so sad.

As a survivor yourself, you know first hand what the next year will be like for your grandmother. You know how strong she is and probably have a gut feeling of how it will go. A biopsy will tell the doctors what her prognosis is.  

I had to make decisions for my mother and it was agonizing but it came down to what she would have wanted. To be kept alive in a lot of pain from treatment that would never cure her, or to leave her alone? She had congestive heart failure and needed heart surgery but was too sick to survive it. During her last hospitalization she suffered from cellulitis in her legs and was in so much pain.  The antibiotics for infection gave her diarrhea and she was mortified to have lost her dignity. She developed pneumonia and was on so much pain medication that she was not aware much of the time. When she was awake she cried in pain and misery. The doctors kept wanting to do more and more tests, procedures, breathing treatments, x-rays. Mother pleaded with them to leave her alone but they ignored her wishes. Moving her was agony.

I finally turned to Hospice. I  would highly recommend you do the same. I had no idea what Hospice was all about and all the services they offer. Upon my call, an RN and a social worker from Hospice came to the hospital. The nurse reviewed my mothers records and talked to her doctors. She said the concensus was my mother would not survive more than a month even with all the interventional treatment. The social worker was wonderful and helped me talk to my barely lucid mother about Hospice care in such a gentle, loving way. They are angels! They recommended palliative care only. Keep her as comfortable as possible, out of pain, fed, but no more treatment. We moved her to a beautiful Hospice facility the next day and she died the day after that, never having regained consciousness. I was at peace, knowing that I had turned to professionals who deal with the end of life every day and could help me make the hardest decision of my life. Mother was only 79.

Your grandmother is 93 and has lived a long life. Only the family knows what she would want. Don't let doctors push you around. Think only of what is best for her. Even if you never move her to a Hospice facility, they will help you and your family with your decision anyway. Call them.

most definitely say do nothing.  She'd most likely not get through the anesthesia w/o having a stroke at the very least.  That's just too much at her age.  I know decisions like this are really hard because our hearts take over.  Your family will make the right one.  Hugs, Linda 

recently a family friend was diagnosed with cancer-she had basic sugery (not BREAST cancer) to fix immediate issue but not fix or take out cancer (about the same age as your grandmother) She is doing well-with the least amount of care, procedures to give her a good life.