Afraid of having Breast Cancer Recurrence

angelnicole81
angelnicole81 Member Posts: 4
edited September 2013 in Breast Cancer #1

Hi everyone,

 

I am new to this forum and I am a survivor of triple negative breast cancer. I was diagnosed with the cancer six years ago. Even after 6 years out, I am still terrified of having a recurrence. I was only 26 years old when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. There was no history of cancer on either sides of my family and I tested negative for both BRCA1&2.  I am just so afraid and feel like I can't let my guard down. I have been feeling pressure on the right side of my head now it makes me feel that the cancer could have returned and that it is in my brain. As crazy as it may sound, I feel like I'm sitting on deathrow waiting for my execution date to come near. It really makes me angry because I don't feel that more is being done to find a cure for breast cancer. I would like to speak with other women here who can relate. I don't really have much support or anyone else to talk to about this.

Comments

  • hope67
    hope67 Member Posts: 181
    #2
    Welcome to the board

    You came to the right place, we all know here what you are talking about. And we really do understand. When I was diagnosed about 6 months ago, all I could see in my future, was death. Now I am really really trying to make myself believe that I can make it. I am visualising myself getting old and now it does seem possible. But I still have bad days when fear gets me. I don't believe that anyone who didn't experience it by himself, can understand it. I have no real advice, just know what we are with you, and post when you feel bad, we will listen and be there with you.

    Hugs, Carmen

  • KeriCon
    KeriCon Member Posts: 17
    #3
    We are all here for you.

    We are all here for you.  Reach out when you are feeling down and feel the love and support of all of us who have been through this.  You are a survivor and together we will hold each other's virtual hand and walk the journey by your side.  When I was first diagnosed, I found a wonderful support group that made a quote I had written down very real to me..."Among them, I am completely real, not a cancer ambassador, not a patient representative, not “an inspiration.”

    Find comfort in the people who have experienced what you are going through.  We get it.  We understand.  We have been there.  We will listen and hold you up when it is hard to do so on your own.

     

    Hugs,

    Keri

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #4
    Welcome..............
     
    Denis

    Welcome..............

     

    Denise

  • ComfortablyNumb
    ComfortablyNumb Member Posts: 45
    #5
    I feel the same some days..

    I feel exactly the same way as you some days! I'm 30 years old. Was dx in May with no family history and no BRCA gene, and on my bad days I wonder if everything I've given up is even worth it, if im going to beat this thing only to have it come back in 5 years..but i try to remind myself that there are no guarantees for anyone in life, were all living on borrowed time on this earth and all we can do is try to make the most of it. It's not an easy road, but you're not alone! You found great place full of supportive women who all understand what you're going through/have been through. 

  • angelnicole81
    angelnicole81 Member Posts: 4
    #6
    hope67 said:

    Welcome to the board

    You came to the right place, we all know here what you are talking about. And we really do understand. When I was diagnosed about 6 months ago, all I could see in my future, was death. Now I am really really trying to make myself believe that I can make it. I am visualising myself getting old and now it does seem possible. But I still have bad days when fear gets me. I don't believe that anyone who didn't experience it by himself, can understand it. I have no real advice, just know what we are with you, and post when you feel bad, we will listen and be there with you.

    Hugs, Carmen

    Thanks alot Hope67. I

    Thanks alot Hope67. I appreciate your response.

  • angelnicole81
    angelnicole81 Member Posts: 4
    #7
    KeriCon said:

    We are all here for you.

    We are all here for you.  Reach out when you are feeling down and feel the love and support of all of us who have been through this.  You are a survivor and together we will hold each other's virtual hand and walk the journey by your side.  When I was first diagnosed, I found a wonderful support group that made a quote I had written down very real to me..."Among them, I am completely real, not a cancer ambassador, not a patient representative, not “an inspiration.”

    Find comfort in the people who have experienced what you are going through.  We get it.  We understand.  We have been there.  We will listen and hold you up when it is hard to do so on your own.

     

    Hugs,

    Keri

    Thank you Keri, and everyone

    Thank you Keri, and everyone else here. It is so nice to be able to come to a site like this where I can get support from other people. It's tough going through this alone.

  • sandra4611
    sandra4611 Member Posts: 121
    #8
    AngelNicole,
    What treatment

    AngelNicole,

    What treatment did you have 6 years ago? Have you been under the care of an oncologist since then?

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #9
    ComfortablyNumb said:

    I feel the same some days..

    I feel exactly the same way as you some days! I'm 30 years old. Was dx in May with no family history and no BRCA gene, and on my bad days I wonder if everything I've given up is even worth it, if im going to beat this thing only to have it come back in 5 years..but i try to remind myself that there are no guarantees for anyone in life, were all living on borrowed time on this earth and all we can do is try to make the most of it. It's not an easy road, but you're not alone! You found great place full of supportive women who all understand what you're going through/have been through. 

    We do get it

    Even this old ER+ woman understands your fears.  What I have learned is that any symptom that lasts 2 weeks needs to be checked, so I hope you will follow-up and get this checked.    We do have young women in this group for you to connect with.  Have you read this from Breast Cancer.org?  http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis/trip_neg/behavior  I think it may be reassuring in that it talks about the risk of recurrence being lower the longer you live without one, but plrsdr get your symptoms checked out.  I hope if provides some reassurance.  And, in the interim, we're here.

    Suzanne

  • Cricket64
    Cricket64 Member Posts: 63
    #10
    KeriCon said:

    We are all here for you.

    We are all here for you.  Reach out when you are feeling down and feel the love and support of all of us who have been through this.  You are a survivor and together we will hold each other's virtual hand and walk the journey by your side.  When I was first diagnosed, I found a wonderful support group that made a quote I had written down very real to me..."Among them, I am completely real, not a cancer ambassador, not a patient representative, not “an inspiration.”

    Find comfort in the people who have experienced what you are going through.  We get it.  We understand.  We have been there.  We will listen and hold you up when it is hard to do so on your own.

     

    Hugs,

    Keri

    Keri,
    Would you be offended

    Keri,

    Would you be offended if I copied your quote, it rings so completely true.

    Cricket64

  • Cricket64
    Cricket64 Member Posts: 63
    #11
    I think the feelings your

    I think the feelings your having are very real, to many cancer survivors, well, at least they are to me.  Next month will mark my two year anniversay from ending treatments, but still find it hard to celebrate every day to the fullest as 'people' say I should.  It just seems as if cancer lurks behind my shoulder.  BUT, your smarter than I am, I just joined CSN a few weeks ago, have no idea why I waited so long, but communicating with those who have been there, done that, really does help.  Now I find myself signing in every few days to get a mental booster shot, plus have having appointments with a cancer social worker.  We all do what we need to...

     

  • desertgirl947
    desertgirl947 Member Posts: 653 Member
    #12
    I Agree with What Others Are Saying

    I think that no matter how far we get from our initial encounter with cancer, the question will always be there:  Will it come back?  For some, it does; but for others it does not.

    I don't dwell on that idea very often for very long for myself; but I prefer to have that in the back of my mind.  I would think it would be more devastating to think I had cancer licked and then it came back.

     

  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #13
    Hi and Welcome

    As all of the others have said it is something we all feel. I get especially worried when it is time for my mammogram. When I have new pains I don't want to go to a doctor for fear that they will tell me it is cancer. I am over 3 yrs. out from treatment and don't think the fear will ever go away.

    Hugs,

    Georgia

  • linpsu
    linpsu Member Posts: 747
    #14
    other sites

    Hi sweetie.  While I would certainly encourage you to stay here to learn from all the wise women on this wonderful site, you may want to check into some Facebook sites that are specific to us Triple Negative sisters.  I believe there are even a few of the TNBC FB sites that are for younger women.

    Hugs,

    Linda

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #15
    linpsu said:

    other sites

    Hi sweetie.  While I would certainly encourage you to stay here to learn from all the wise women on this wonderful site, you may want to check into some Facebook sites that are specific to us Triple Negative sisters.  I believe there are even a few of the TNBC FB sites that are for younger women.

    Hugs,

    Linda

    First of all, congratulations

    Nicole,

     first of all congratulations on 6 years of survivorship.

    Second- if you feel discomfort or pressue on the side of your head Please see Your Doctor, who will check your symptoms and order MRI for head and neck. It could be something very simple and easy to resolved.

    Good luck and keep us posted

    Hugs

  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #16
    You sound like me

    You sound like me but I'm much older.  Every time I hurt myself (like recent my tail bone) I think cancer next.I haven't had X rays but after a month I'm improving.I think I bruised the tail bone.I even feel my bones  being weak.I take tamox and might be that. i'm due for a DEXA for bone density.Years ago I was borderline and now with the tamox probably worse. Usually no aches or pains but this tail bone.I don't want any part of my body under any stress.Causes me stress and stress is bad for cancer patients and survivors.Just seems like I'm going in circles now.Get over one thing and another happens.

    I was Stage 0 but it doesn't make me feel better.It could come back to me and not a cancer patient dx with Stage 3.Were all uncertain once dx.Our lives are never the same once hearing the word cancer.

    You are young and it happened to 4 of us in my family.My mom at 21 and lived 60 years.That was many yaers ago so there is hope.My niece at 30(10 years ago) me at 62(4 years) and last year my sister at 62.

    If your headaches continue go to the doctor.Could be stress but get it checked out.I guess my fear is the breast cancer coming back.I didn't have a invasive cancer DCIS so worry more about the BC. 

    Honestly this was on my mind just yesterday.Can I have cancer with tail bone pain even though I know how I hurt it.  

    Best of Luck to you and many many years as a survivor. That's what I tell myself all the time. I'm going to make it till I'm 90 or more but there's always the not knowing once dx.

    Lynn Smith

  • KeriCon
    KeriCon Member Posts: 17
    #17
    Cricket64 said:

    Keri,
    Would you be offended

    Keri,

    Would you be offended if I copied your quote, it rings so completely true.

    Cricket64

    Not at all!

    The quote actually came from the book The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan.  I guess I should have stated that in my post.  Sorry!  

     

    I read it before I was diagnosed and thought it was a good book.  After I was diagnosed and read it again, it became a completely different book to me.  Those words made me stop and really think about them.  

     

    Be well!
    Keri

  • Lavender babe
    Lavender babe Member Posts: 5
    #18
    Cricket64 said:

    I think the feelings your

    I think the feelings your having are very real, to many cancer survivors, well, at least they are to me.  Next month will mark my two year anniversay from ending treatments, but still find it hard to celebrate every day to the fullest as 'people' say I should.  It just seems as if cancer lurks behind my shoulder.  BUT, your smarter than I am, I just joined CSN a few weeks ago, have no idea why I waited so long, but communicating with those who have been there, done that, really does help.  Now I find myself signing in every few days to get a mental booster shot, plus have having appointments with a cancer social worker.  We all do what we need to...

     

    Fear of recurrence

    I just read a really great synopsis on another website.

    "Having breast cancer is like having a giant whale come and live in your family room.  Every day you have to work to avoid running it to."

    It is so true, having gone the alternative route adds a new dimension; if what I am doing doesn't work; then what will I do?  I have been cancer free for eight months and on most days I am fine and everything has the appearance of normal.

    Last weekend I started having terrible headaches and fear swept in like a banshee.  I told my husband about them after three days, he came home the next day crying because he didn't want to lose me.  I was totally unnerved and became so depressed I didn't even attend my granddaughter's 18th birthday party.

    I somehow realized that it may be my sinuses, as I have always suffered from seasonal allergies this time of year.  I began taking homeopathic antigens again and the headaches were gone in two days.  Thank God.

    I work very hard to get over the automatic countdowns and see that this is clearly the "the thorn in the flesh" that I will live with the rest of my life.  I always try to remember it could be worse.

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