How and when do you find the "fight it"?

JoanneNH
JoanneNH Member Posts: 115
in Kidney Cancer #1

With my large right kidney tumor  discovered just 2 weeks ago and surgery scheduled for next week, I find myself tired and very scared.

How do I find the "I am going to fight this" attitude and determination?  Right now I am just weary and there is no fight.

Comments

  • Sandi45
    Sandi45 Member Posts: 25
    #2
    I have to say that I feel the

    I have to say that I feel the same way. I am tired and worried and feeling very unsure of myself and my body. 

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,361 Member
    #3
    pre-surgery blues

    Joanne,

    Believe it or not sure your feelings are 100% normal. Who wouldn't feel depressed after being told that you have the Big C and than major surgery. So far no one has ever said thus surgery is fun. When you wake uo fron the surgery you are going ti feel like s..t.

    At some poiint after surgery you are  going to tell yourself that you want to live and have  a normal life. The fight begins.

    By the way you are invited to join the club next August at Cedar Point to try out a couple of Roller Coasters.

     

    Icemantoo

     

  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    #4
    Concentrate only on the positive...

    Hi Jo,

    From the moment they tell you "You have cancer and you need surgery." you go into a state of shock and fear. Then we wait for the surgery and some answers and it is very easy to fall into the negativity trap and start asking "Why me?" and "How did this happen?", but there is a way out. You need only spend your time thinking about all of the reasons you have to live, from a that's what I'm going to see, not a that's what I'm going to miss perspective (for me it was my grandkids), and then get fighting mad (mad is a good thing here), it takes a little time, but you can do it. Then you concentrate on only the things that are within your control and do everything you can to prepare for a good outcome, if you can't change it forget it and move on to something you control.  The more overloaded your brain is with positive stuff the less room there is for the negative to creep in. Fox will tell you that time spent worrying is time wasted and you'll never get it back, he's right! It won't happen overnight, but that fight it attitude is within you and it will surface if you poke it with a stick long enough.
     
    You can do it,
     
    Gary
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #5
    garym said:

    Concentrate only on the positive...

    Hi Jo,

    From the moment they tell you "You have cancer and you need surgery." you go into a state of shock and fear. Then we wait for the surgery and some answers and it is very easy to fall into the negativity trap and start asking "Why me?" and "How did this happen?", but there is a way out. You need only spend your time thinking about all of the reasons you have to live, from a that's what I'm going to see, not a that's what I'm going to miss perspective (for me it was my grandkids), and then get fighting mad (mad is a good thing here), it takes a little time, but you can do it. Then you concentrate on only the things that are within your control and do everything you can to prepare for a good outcome, if you can't change it forget it and move on to something you control.  The more overloaded your brain is with positive stuff the less room there is for the negative to creep in. Fox will tell you that time spent worrying is time wasted and you'll never get it back, he's right! It won't happen overnight, but that fight it attitude is within you and it will surface if you poke it with a stick long enough.
     
    You can do it,
     
    Gary
    Nothing to live for?

    Joanne, don't you have ANYTHING to live for? No significant other? Children?, Grandchildren? Not even a cat? I'm a firm believer that we can heal from just about anything. Haven't you seen newsreports and pictures of our soldiers coming back from the middle east with body parts blown off? They don't give up. They learn to change their lifestyle. Cancer and a nephrectomy is a daily occurance here. None of us posting have passed away yet. And since you are seeking advice, pull yourself together and find your inner strength. Look forward to the rest of your life. That is what we do here. It is the survivors network. It is what we will tell you to do. I have a feeling that you just wanted to hear it. As Gary just referenced me, "Any time spent worrying and feeling sorry for yourself is not recoverable." Why would you waste these precious moments? Live on my friend. You can do this. We all have.

  • BLKJAK
    BLKJAK Member Posts: 108
    #6
    Initially I was scared as

    Initially I was scared as hell. It took a few days to comprehend the situation I (we) were in. In my mind cancer was it...the big killer. My oncologist was brutally honest and blunt. Unfortunately he doesn't specialize in RCC and pretty much wrote me off. We didn't know if I had weeks or months left but were determined to do what we could to live. My Onc did however refer us to the University of Madison Carbone Cancer Center where we were given the first glimmer of hope. I had a couple of rough weeks full of different tests and biopsies and then the waiting. The Oncology Team shared their plan of attack with us. That was officially when I got mad and decided that I have a fighting chance to either live with this or perhaps beat it with the promise of new drugs on the horizon. I have 9 and 12 year old boys that I am determined to see graduate from at least high school. My wife also needs me and I need her as well. The Oncology Team doesn't want to do surgery at this time because my tumor is relatively small. I beleive that MegStrong3 is the only other person on here that has NOT had surgery.

    Perhaps you would benefit from an antidepressant and antianxiety drugs if you are not on those already. It helps to keep your mind from lingering on the dark side.

    I wish you the best of luck. Get mad and fight this!

     

    BLKJAK

  • Djinnie
    Djinnie Member Posts: 945 Member
    #7
    Give yourself time!

    I agree with the others, once you are post surgery you will start to feel differently. Facing major sugery  and feelings of shock are factoring heavily into your state of mind right now. You don't feel in control at the moment! Once you recover you will get back to your life, your life will become the distraction. In the meantime try not to be too hard on yourself!

    For me there are only two choices to be made, I can waste the rest of my life by worrying about the 'what if's' or focus on the 'what is'. I have had cancer a few times, my first kidney cancer was ten years ago. I consider myself fortunate that all the cancers were caught in time, allowing me to continue with my life, that's a gift. All you can do is treat your body wisely, and enjoy each day as it comes! Just by getting back to your life, and living it to the full, shows nothing but determination and courage! With the support of your family you will manage to do that, don't worry!

     

    Djinnie x

     

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    #8
    Personalize it!

    I had the same notions at first. I let it dominate my consciousness and scare me to death.  After lots of coaching fromfolks here, I woke up one morning and realized that this thing wanted to kill me.

    I began calling it names, I accused its parents of not being married. I threatened it. LOL That may sound silly, but it was highly effective for me. I was able to identify it aas an invader that had nobusiness inmy body.  I tried to move up the date of my surgery, I wanted it out so bad. I refused to let it bully me or victimize me.

    That is MY method of how I got mad enough to fight it!

    You'll find yours!

    Michael

  • dhs1963
    dhs1963 Member Posts: 513
    #9
    For me, it is fight but acceptance

    I do not know what I need to do to fight cancer.  I was fighting it, but found that I was tired and grounchy.  Now, 15 months and multiple surgeries later, I accept it.  I accept that my life is defined by 2 1/2 months of feeling achy from surgeries, and 2 weeks of terror waiting for the scans.  I plan my life accordingly.  I can hope/pray for good outcomes, but with metastatic sarcomitoid CCRCC, that may not happen.  But I do know that I was NED at the last scan (tumors cut out).  I do not know if I will be NED in OCT (next scans), but, I can plan my life between now and then.  November is free.  I might need treetmenent.

    I live from one scan to the next.   Maybe, in time, my horizon will increase. 

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    #10
    dhs1963 said:

    For me, it is fight but acceptance

    I do not know what I need to do to fight cancer.  I was fighting it, but found that I was tired and grounchy.  Now, 15 months and multiple surgeries later, I accept it.  I accept that my life is defined by 2 1/2 months of feeling achy from surgeries, and 2 weeks of terror waiting for the scans.  I plan my life accordingly.  I can hope/pray for good outcomes, but with metastatic sarcomitoid CCRCC, that may not happen.  But I do know that I was NED at the last scan (tumors cut out).  I do not know if I will be NED in OCT (next scans), but, I can plan my life between now and then.  November is free.  I might need treetmenent.

    I live from one scan to the next.   Maybe, in time, my horizon will increase. 

    Agreed!  Acceptance comes

    Agreed!  Acceptance comes once you face the reality of the diagnosis. Facing the surgery requires attitude, I think.

     

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #11
    MDCinSC said:

    Agreed!  Acceptance comes

    Agreed!  Acceptance comes once you face the reality of the diagnosis. Facing the surgery requires attitude, I think.

     

    Always knew

    that I would die from something. Don't we all. Just never expected kidney cancer. Thankfully we have two of them. (although my sister only had one and who knows why). Acceptance was just the way it is. Put a plan in place and move forward.

  • GSRon
    GSRon Member Posts: 1,303 Member
    #12
    foxhd said:

    Always knew

    that I would die from something. Don't we all. Just never expected kidney cancer. Thankfully we have two of them. (although my sister only had one and who knows why). Acceptance was just the way it is. Put a plan in place and move forward.

    Tired and scared.. Hmm... I

    Tired and scared.. Hmm... I think that describes most of not all of us prior to surgery.  I was really scared I would not wake up.. I did a lot of things, I prayed, made out a will, etc..  But then it happened..  at night, just before nodding off I would invision me waking up after surgery.. I would focus on the good outcome..  My mind was in a much better place.. Oh yes, and I had researched my Surgeon and had a great feeling about him and his skills..  I was ready.. well as ready as a scared cat could be... when it was over, I smiled and "high fived" myself (sort of).   I passed that first big test... all was well with the world.  Not quite that simple, but it is very true..  I focused on the good that could happen and it worked for me...  

     

    I can already "see" your first post here after your surgery...

    Ron

  • elpasorudy
    elpasorudy Member Posts: 84
    #13
    One day at a time

    Joanne,

    I had prostate cancer in 2006, and it was unnerving as heck. I would sometimes project to all sorts of bad outcoms. But I got through the surgery, and the prostate cancer never returned. Now, I'm facing kidney surgery, and I'm not looking forward to it. But I know it has to be done. I just take one day at a time. I medidate and listen to music to relax my mind and body. You don't have to be a special person to fight cancer. You just do what has to be done. And one step is to have surgery. And the next is to recover. It won't be as bad as you think. At least that has been my experience. Wishing you the best. Sending you this prayer: "May the sun bring you new energy by day.  May the moon  softly restore you by night.  May the rain  wash away your worries.  May the breeze blow new strength into your being.  May you walk  gently through the world and know  its beauty all the days of your life" ... For whatever reason, I was incredibly calm and peaceful on the day i had my prostate cancer surgery.

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