"Just stay positive!"......and other annoying crap!

Keep ranting.
Sometimes I really like it when someone say 'that sucks' when They ask how I.am and I tell them.
Although I do like it when they pray for me!
But, I have walked away many times just thinking' did they not get what I just said'?
Just think some don't know what to say... and some days positive is just not part of my vocabulary, so I do get it!!

Do you feel any releif yet from the rads? Never thought I would look forward tongetting zapped, but it really helped the last 2 times and I am hoping that by next Friday, 5 days in I will get some releif!

Hugs back at ya,
Carol

KathiM said:

My response (at the very LEAST in my head):

"Yup, I'm POSITIVE I'm in deep s**t!!!"

IMHO what is REALLY being said is:  "Thank G*d it isn't happening to me!"

 

As humans (especially women...sorry, but true) we are programmed to try to make things right.  Sometimes, like with cancer, we fail miserably.  It is what it is.  I would bet a coffee, dearest, that none of those platitudes come from people that have already been smacked by the beast, cancer!!!

 

So....."keep on the sunny side of life"....and you will get skin cancer....*grin*

 

HUGS from someone who REFUSES to tell you to "Have a great day"  (THAT one immediately changes to "Have a great DANE", and then I picture them giving birth....*grin*)

 

Hugs, Kathi

I think that many people that

I think that many people that have not had cancer and find out we do sincerely want to say something kind, caring, and uplifting so these platitudes pop out.  For us they begin to sound so cliche (sp).   when I would hear them I would answer them in my head, much like Kathi. here are some of my answers, You can use them in your head, actually say them, or ignore them.

Stay or be postive.     I am positive, positive I have cancer and positive you are just relieved it isn't you.

I'll keep you in my prayers.  While I personally like this one now it used to bother me so I used to think Well, as long as I have you with your direct line to God I will be fine.   (I respect that many are sincere in their religious beliefs and are only being kind others don't always share their beliefs or believe at all so this can be annoying to some)

You'll be alright.   Well, thanks I will cancel all my doctor's visits, treatment and rely on your diagnosis.

this list can go on and on and of course, I never said any of this.  Most of the time I realize that it was just a person who had no clue as to what I was going through, mentally, physically etc. trying to be kind.   The comments I most appreciated were a simply I am so sorry that you are going through this.  And I loved the friends and family who didn't ask what can I do to help but just brought a meal, sent a card, gave me a little gift and those that gave me a hug that wrapped me in their warmth.  One of the kindest things that happened during my journey was when I had a dental appointment.   I think I had to reshedule a visit because of treatment and told the receptionist why.  The next day flowers were delivered from my dental office and everyone had signed the card.  It was unexpected and I remember how much it touched my heart.   that and the first year I was here I missed the gift exchange and dear Chen sent me the most beautiful ornament.  those are the things that brightened my days.

So dear Tashs, I won't say it will be alright or to be positive or that I will keep you in my prayers.  I will say that I hope the rads help your pain and they keep the beast at bay.  

Stef

1surfermom said:

A positive waffle

I go back and forth on this issue. Im a pessimist by nature , but I honestly believe that all the stupid platatudes helped me.  I also liked it when I was  told I was in someones prayers, but only if it was genuine.When I hear comments about how strong I am and what a survivor I am I just want to hurl. Really, I'm not stronger than anyone else I just did what my doctors told me and let the chips fall where they may. I also truely believe that once you are diagnosed with cancer you are a survivor , so those who have passed have survived cancer as well. If you are a reader Barbara Erenricht (sp?) a breast cancer survivor wrote a book about the cult of positive thinking and how being positive really is no determination in outcomes. That being said I think I approached the whole ordeal as I might as well be postive for my own mental health. Sorry for the rant but I get where you are coming from. Love Surf

welllllll

I have heard these things from survivors as well.  We are raised to be "nice" and I think  many just do not know what to say or how to say what they feel

doble posted
)

tasha_111 said:

OMG! I am being horrible...

All of your comments made me smile/laugh/think/feel guilty...etc etc etc.  This pain is eventually getting to the 'Unbearable' stage, and I am getting snarly and bitchy as all hell.  Thanks all... you all actually REALLY helped me.  Doc has prescribed percocet now, I seem to be living hour to bloody hour on painkillers and I hate it!, I am so scared of narcotics and swore never to take them, now I find myself having to bend (at night only),  I hate what this is doing to my life.... Thinking I will drink myself into a stupor is no longer acceptable, I have to have something else.  I HATE taking pills! Thanks all, again, you reallu helped me tonight, I sure needed it    

 

Have you tried patch or cream?

Voltaren cream did help me as well as Lidoderm patches, especially along with pain killers. I hope radiation will help

hugs

Vent away....
 
Some don't

Vent away....

 

Some don't know what to say or not say-

I have a situtaion right now (not cancer) and when I say I am a realist they say stop being negitive...YOU just get to the point of ranting..I understand...

Denise

disneyfan2008 said:

Vent away....
 
Some don't

Vent away....

 

Some don't know what to say or not say-

I have a situtaion right now (not cancer) and when I say I am a realist they say stop being negitive...YOU just get to the point of ranting..I understand...

Denise

Denise......

I, too, have had that situation!!!!  

 

It's hard to 'keep on the sunny side of life'  when it's raining outside!!!

 

BIG hugs to you, dear one!!!

 

Hugs, Kathi

New at this but already understand

I'm new to this...BMX 2.5 weeks ago...but am so glad to hear your stories. Years ago I found out I was pregnant again at an "advanced" age. People around me started acting so strange, looked at me with panic in their eyes and started giving me things right away...almost like offerings to the gods that whatever I had wasn't catching. Later they seemed to feel guilty and began to stay away. I think it's happening again.

With cancer, I've noticed some friends seem to want me to make them feel better. They quiz me about ways I could have found out earlier, bring up things I might have eaten or done "wrong" that could have brought it on, then finish with the kinds of plattitudes you mentioned. Two of my best friends have stayed away...never visited me in the hospital (I was in for 11 days) or called. I've tried not to take it personally but failed.

Fortunately I have a psychologist who tells me that she deals with people like this all the time. They simply cannot be around people with serious illness and the things they say or actions they take have nothing to do with me. It's all to make themselves feel better.

andi44 said:

generic sayings...

Tasha,

I don't think people really know what to say to those who are sick or to someone who may be going thru something traumatic...It's the same when a loved one passes and people say those same things at the funeral...it'll be o.k., or your loved one is in a better place - how is being dead in a better place?  It's just what people say...

I guess I feel that at least someone cares enough to say something.  There are a few immediate co-workers that have never said or asked about me or what I went thru this past year...Which is worse, not saying anything or saying something generic?  My answer - not saying anything.  

Andi  

I agree some dont' know what

I agree some dont' know what to say or just think it's best to not speak of "IT"...

 

Denise