UPDATE: (OT) new granddaughter -almost 2mths old

2

Comments

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #22
    cinnamonsmile said:

    I am like the rest, so so

    I am like the rest, so so sorry your daughter is putting you through this with out a reason. To me it seems like a slap in the face for all you have done for her and her kids. I had no place to go when I left my son's father when he was a baby and had to live at a Women's Shelter for a month before I could get an apartment.

    I sure hope she changes her mind and softens up.

    I don't mean to rub salt in the wounds but she sounds like an ungrateful spoiled child to me.

    I commend  you for taking the high road.

    Thanks all-it's been a week

    Thanks all-it's been a week not a word from her. SHE wants to be so independent but really regrets she NEEDS us big time-so all we have done for her (SHE HAS NOT asked for "her words not mine"

    MAYBE she wants to prove she can take care of this baby without MY help! HER son's b day party tomorrow-I hear she is leaving the baby home (ONLY one week old but more to keep away from me, her dad and sis).

    Adventually she will have to bite the bullet-but we are (3 of us) standing our ground. OTHER family members (aunts, cousins etc) have told her how cruel and uncalled for.

     

    Thanks again for letting me vent....

    Denise

  • coco2008
    coco2008 Member Posts: 418
    #23
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Thanks all-it's been a week

    Thanks all-it's been a week not a word from her. SHE wants to be so independent but really regrets she NEEDS us big time-so all we have done for her (SHE HAS NOT asked for "her words not mine"

    MAYBE she wants to prove she can take care of this baby without MY help! HER son's b day party tomorrow-I hear she is leaving the baby home (ONLY one week old but more to keep away from me, her dad and sis).

    Adventually she will have to bite the bullet-but we are (3 of us) standing our ground. OTHER family members (aunts, cousins etc) have told her how cruel and uncalled for.

     

    Thanks again for letting me vent....

    Denise

    Don't know if this is issue,

    Don't know if this is issue, but my daughter will start out on an anger issue at me and then get more angry and upset over what then appears as guilt.

    It's like she's saying I know I shouldn't have acted like that, but I can't let you know that.

    I inaccurately thought the hardest part of parenting was over when they became patents.

    My heart and prayers are with you.

    God bless

    Sandy

  • coco2008
    coco2008 Member Posts: 418
    #24
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Thanks all-it's been a week

    Thanks all-it's been a week not a word from her. SHE wants to be so independent but really regrets she NEEDS us big time-so all we have done for her (SHE HAS NOT asked for "her words not mine"

    MAYBE she wants to prove she can take care of this baby without MY help! HER son's b day party tomorrow-I hear she is leaving the baby home (ONLY one week old but more to keep away from me, her dad and sis).

    Adventually she will have to bite the bullet-but we are (3 of us) standing our ground. OTHER family members (aunts, cousins etc) have told her how cruel and uncalled for.

     

    Thanks again for letting me vent....

    Denise

    Don't know if this is issue,

     Double post

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #25
    coco2008 said:

    Don't know if this is issue,

    Don't know if this is issue, but my daughter will start out on an anger issue at me and then get more angry and upset over what then appears as guilt.

    It's like she's saying I know I shouldn't have acted like that, but I can't let you know that.

    I inaccurately thought the hardest part of parenting was over when they became patents.

    My heart and prayers are with you.

    God bless

    Sandy

    Sandy:
    YOU hit the nail on

    Sandy:

    YOU hit the nail on the head!

     

    Denise

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #26
    coco2008 said:

    I have a daughter much like

    I have a daughter much like yours.  Can suddenly turn on me for no apparent reason or she says it's because of something that happened when she was 13 and I didn't let her do something.  She's 38 now but will not let go of any perceived injustice.  She will be fine and then will all explode.

    Hope the ice melts soon.  She will soon get tired of the kids asking where you are.

    My prayers are with you.

    Sandy

    Ironically she was over the

    Ironically she was over the night before she dropped the boys for her son's party and was fine. Next day I said to her sister text to see if you can go along (LIKE other two) MY MISTAKE-I said can't hurt...

     

    boy oh boy was I wrong...like fireworks going off just by asking can I come!

    Denise

  • muffingranma
    muffingranma Member Posts: 107
    #27
    grandchildren

    I am so sorry to hear that. I don't know if you believe in God I do and I will pray your daughter has a change of heart, and lets you see your grandchildren, Wish you the best.

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #28
    muffingranma said:

    grandchildren

    I am so sorry to hear that. I don't know if you believe in God I do and I will pray your daughter has a change of heart, and lets you see your grandchildren, Wish you the best.

    I can see and have the boys

    I can see and have the boys for the weekends etc but can't meet that baby! VERY sad..

    I had bowling party for oldest grandson sat -MOM came but left baby elsewhere-everyone in the family knows the situation of us not being allowed to SEE her. VERY ackward party but we put on good show for grandson-great time, much fun by all!

     

    Sooner or later she'll break this nonsense-our therapist thinks this is her punishing us for why we dont' know. We  have her boys contantly ( I AM like 2nd mom) So not that I am bad person-none of it makes any sense

    but it is what is is..

    thanks for letting me vent her-it does help ease the HURT IN MY heart for the baby girl i want to hold so badly. IF she is trying to hurt us she is doing a great job-but we will never let her know that.

    Denise

  • Faith_In_God
    Faith_In_God Member Posts: 76
    #29
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I can see and have the boys

    I can see and have the boys for the weekends etc but can't meet that baby! VERY sad..

    I had bowling party for oldest grandson sat -MOM came but left baby elsewhere-everyone in the family knows the situation of us not being allowed to SEE her. VERY ackward party but we put on good show for grandson-great time, much fun by all!

     

    Sooner or later she'll break this nonsense-our therapist thinks this is her punishing us for why we dont' know. We  have her boys contantly ( I AM like 2nd mom) So not that I am bad person-none of it makes any sense

    but it is what is is..

    thanks for letting me vent her-it does help ease the HURT IN MY heart for the baby girl i want to hold so badly. IF she is trying to hurt us she is doing a great job-but we will never let her know that.

    Denise

    So Sorry you can't see the baby

    Denise, I was just trying to figure out why your daughter does'nt want you to see her baby girl, and those questions came to my mind;

    Is she a single mom? 

    Do you approve of the baby girl's father? maybe the baby looks like him, and your daughter does'nt want you to react differently (than her older brothers) towards the baby.

    It seems that she is trying to hide the baby (especially during the party).

    You don't have to answer any of those questions to us, I am just trying to help you figure out what might be the problem.

    I hope you can see your granddaughter soon.

     

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #30
    Faith_In_God said:

    So Sorry you can't see the baby

    Denise, I was just trying to figure out why your daughter does'nt want you to see her baby girl, and those questions came to my mind;

    Is she a single mom? 

    Do you approve of the baby girl's father? maybe the baby looks like him, and your daughter does'nt want you to react differently (than her older brothers) towards the baby.

    It seems that she is trying to hide the baby (especially during the party).

    You don't have to answer any of those questions to us, I am just trying to help you figure out what might be the problem.

    I hope you can see your granddaughter soon.

     

    My husband ran into them n

    My husband ran into them n the parking lot (multiple dr offices) She had baby and boys going to baby dr and my hubby different Dr. MY grandsons saw him in truck and ran over to ask if they could go with him (ON way to wake so they couldnt') but baby right there on ground in car seat-but he only could talk to the boys-

    WE do not have any objections to the dad-I am such a kid person-at the party i carried around both baby neices, while she was there having a great time. I am sure it didnt' phase her-or did she think of how badly I want to see the baby. OUR therpaist said she is trying to punish us for some reason. (Though we gave her a place to live for almost 5 yrs, watched her kids daily-did sports, Dr appt, school meetings, take on 3 vacations a year since birth) We are both softies so trreat the boys like royalty.

    Both sides of the family have told her how wrong she is and how the whole family(S) are also hurt. She never told anyone pregnant even when so obvious. NONE OF IT makes sense-never will.

     

    Thanks again for letting VENT and help me to sort through this CRAP!

    Denise

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #31
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I can see and have the boys

    I can see and have the boys for the weekends etc but can't meet that baby! VERY sad..

    I had bowling party for oldest grandson sat -MOM came but left baby elsewhere-everyone in the family knows the situation of us not being allowed to SEE her. VERY ackward party but we put on good show for grandson-great time, much fun by all!

     

    Sooner or later she'll break this nonsense-our therapist thinks this is her punishing us for why we dont' know. We  have her boys contantly ( I AM like 2nd mom) So not that I am bad person-none of it makes any sense

    but it is what is is..

    thanks for letting me vent her-it does help ease the HURT IN MY heart for the baby girl i want to hold so badly. IF she is trying to hurt us she is doing a great job-but we will never let her know that.

    Denise

    After the party the boys came

    After the party the boys came home with us-spent the night etc..she's ok with that-but can't SEE baby. I drove my grandson to his/ her house to pick something up-called first. I waited on the street-while he ran in the house.

    OUR only communication right now is text in ref: to the boys.

    Denise

  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    #32
    disneyfan2008 said:

    After the party the boys came

    After the party the boys came home with us-spent the night etc..she's ok with that-but can't SEE baby. I drove my grandson to his/ her house to pick something up-called first. I waited on the street-while he ran in the house.

    OUR only communication right now is text in ref: to the boys.

    Denise

    Admiration

    Hi Denise,

    I've been reading your struggle and I have to admire the fact you are handling it the way you are.  If it was me I wouldn't have the patience you have.  I have some troubles with my family but I would never not let my parents see their grandchildren.  I think she is enjoying having this power over you for whatever reason it might be.  I just wanted to let you know how wonderful you are and a great mom/grandmother.

     

    Terry

  • bluewillo
    bluewillo Member Posts: 20
    #33
    disneyfan2008 said:

    After the party the boys came

    After the party the boys came home with us-spent the night etc..she's ok with that-but can't SEE baby. I drove my grandson to his/ her house to pick something up-called first. I waited on the street-while he ran in the house.

    OUR only communication right now is text in ref: to the boys.

    Denise

    Hope it's getting better

    Hi Denise. Sorry your daughter is putting you thru this. However, I've been following this story and have an idea.

    You say she and her sons lived with you for 5 years. You were the 2nd mom for those boys. Perhaps in some juvenile, infantile way, your daughter is trying to assert her motherly duties with the new baby. Maybe she feels you took over her boys (remember, I'm just armchair therapy-ing here) and with this child, she is punishing you for being such good parents and grandparents. And, perhaps she is trying to show you (but really, prove to herself) that she can do this mothering thing by herself. She is trying to compensate for all those times when the boys needed a parent, and you were there to meet that need.

    Perhaps if you look at it as she is trying to be the grown-up mommy and do this by herself, to prove to herself that she CAN be a good mom, without you as back-up, it won't make you feel so badly. OF course, she took drastic measures to make sure you don't have contact with this child....but SHE did that, not you. She is punishing you for her perceived failures. She doesn't sound very mature, so this fits.

    I truly hope it gets better, and that you continue to enjoy the boys Laughing

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #34
    mom62 said:

    Admiration

    Hi Denise,

    I've been reading your struggle and I have to admire the fact you are handling it the way you are.  If it was me I wouldn't have the patience you have.  I have some troubles with my family but I would never not let my parents see their grandchildren.  I think she is enjoying having this power over you for whatever reason it might be.  I just wanted to let you know how wonderful you are and a great mom/grandmother.

     

    Terry

    Thanks Tery I really needed a

    Thanks Tery I really needed a boost of good words....

    I am doing (with all my might to be patient)

    I know it's  nothing I have done-so a bit easier to deal with-it is  her way of thnking and contol (like you said)

    At least at this age the baby does NOT know I am not ignoring her and leaving her out of things with  her brother. By the time she is OLD enough to realize I hope I will be IN HER LIFE>>>

    Thanks for reply

    Denise

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #35
    bluewillo said:

    Hope it's getting better

    Hi Denise. Sorry your daughter is putting you thru this. However, I've been following this story and have an idea.

    You say she and her sons lived with you for 5 years. You were the 2nd mom for those boys. Perhaps in some juvenile, infantile way, your daughter is trying to assert her motherly duties with the new baby. Maybe she feels you took over her boys (remember, I'm just armchair therapy-ing here) and with this child, she is punishing you for being such good parents and grandparents. And, perhaps she is trying to show you (but really, prove to herself) that she can do this mothering thing by herself. She is trying to compensate for all those times when the boys needed a parent, and you were there to meet that need.

    Perhaps if you look at it as she is trying to be the grown-up mommy and do this by herself, to prove to herself that she CAN be a good mom, without you as back-up, it won't make you feel so badly. OF course, she took drastic measures to make sure you don't have contact with this child....but SHE did that, not you. She is punishing you for her perceived failures. She doesn't sound very mature, so this fits.

    I truly hope it gets better, and that you continue to enjoy the boys Laughing

    I think you hit the nail on

    I think you hit the nail on the head....BINGO...

    I was more their mom then she was (due to she worked evenings)-when she was home I made sure to tell boys YOU  MUST ask mommy is you can do this or that. I stepped back but even on her day off they would ask me to do things for them.

    When they moved in she was working 3 job-I told her (offered) if she could get ONE FULL TIME job-even in t he evenings I would watch the boys. (pick up day care, home work, sports etc)

    IF she said (but she is gruff and not mushy) MOM I want to be 110% mom to the baby I would no ever overstep my boundries! Since she moved out-I have stepped back. I offered to go out once a week and take the boys to the library and ice cream and take them home (THEY LOVE OUR weekly library trips) she never replied-It is not like her thing to do with them-I do not call her or contact her.

    She did stop by the house (sister saw her) but never came to myself or hubby-just left (picked up mail i think)

    I refused to go to her -since MY house I feel she should have made it known she stopped by.

    Denise

     

    PS I do see / have the boys about once a week. (WE DO lots fo fun things and they have not noticed yet we have not met their sister)

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #36
    happy DANCE today

    I was watching my grandsons (while baby sister in cardiact care pediactric hospital)-their mom came to pick them up this am and she brought the baby with her and in the house. SHE is so tiny and SWEET of course. MADE MY heart melt. She is 2 wks and this is the first time I got to MEET her...

     

    IT"S a big step though seems small....

    MADE my day ahhhhhhhhhhhhhLaughingTongue OutWink

  • coco2008
    coco2008 Member Posts: 418
    #37
    disneyfan2008 said:

    happy DANCE today

    I was watching my grandsons (while baby sister in cardiact care pediactric hospital)-their mom came to pick them up this am and she brought the baby with her and in the house. SHE is so tiny and SWEET of course. MADE MY heart melt. She is 2 wks and this is the first time I got to MEET her...

     

    IT"S a big step though seems small....

    MADE my day ahhhhhhhhhhhhhLaughingTongue OutWink

    I am so happy for you.  I

    I am so happy for you.  I pray her heart continues to soften.

    God bless you all.

    Sandy

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #38
    coco2008 said:

    I am so happy for you.  I

    I am so happy for you.  I pray her heart continues to soften.

    God bless you all.

    Sandy

    Sandy:
    Thanks-when she

    Sandy:

    Thanks-when she arrived (her in pull in driveway) I peaked out the window and saw her opening the back door. I was excited but just sat back down (IN case he didn't bring her in. She never said anything-put her down and went tot he bathroom.

    Sadly more then likely in 2-3 wks this tiny baby will have to have open heart surgery. Drs are trying meds first but serval issues with her tiny heart.

    JUST SO happy I got to see her-Smile

    Denise

  • jlharris
    jlharris Member Posts: 47
    #39
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Sandy:
    Thanks-when she

    Sandy:

    Thanks-when she arrived (her in pull in driveway) I peaked out the window and saw her opening the back door. I was excited but just sat back down (IN case he didn't bring her in. She never said anything-put her down and went tot he bathroom.

    Sadly more then likely in 2-3 wks this tiny baby will have to have open heart surgery. Drs are trying meds first but serval issues with her tiny heart.

    JUST SO happy I got to see her-Smile

    Denise

    I am so happy for you. Did

    I am so happy for you. Did you get to hold her? I am praying for this new little one and for you as well.

    Take Care,

    Jenifer

     

  • bluewillo
    bluewillo Member Posts: 20
    #40
    Woot Woot!

    So happy for you!

  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #41
    disneyfan2008 said:

    happy DANCE today

    I was watching my grandsons (while baby sister in cardiact care pediactric hospital)-their mom came to pick them up this am and she brought the baby with her and in the house. SHE is so tiny and SWEET of course. MADE MY heart melt. She is 2 wks and this is the first time I got to MEET her...

     

    IT"S a big step though seems small....

    MADE my day ahhhhhhhhhhhhhLaughingTongue OutWink

    I am dancing, dearest!!!!

    YEA!!!!!

     

    heart surgery...and that explains your daughter's hesitancy......this tiny beautiful thing was, in some people's eyes, less than 'perfect'.  She wasn't sure how you would react.....

    You did SOOOOO well, dearest!!!  I am smiling from ear to ear!!!

     

    Hugs, Kathi

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