UPDATE: (OT) new granddaughter -almost 2mths old

disneyfan2008
disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
edited October 2013 in Breast Cancer #1

My oldest, recently  moved out after being with us for 4 1/2 yrs with her 2 young boys. She is having a baby girl (being induced in two days) She wants to be close to me/ us but just can't for what ever issues. She told her sister none of us are  allowed to visit or go see the baby. My grandsons will not understand & I am sure they will ask why mema, papa and aunt carrie are not there. ITS" out of my control-nothing I can do-her actions no longer surprise me or hurt me though it is very sad. I take her boys on 4 vacations a year-took care of them full time while she worked, (homework, all sports, bed time stories etc daily)

 

Thanks for listening (aks READING)

 

So #3 grandchild in 2 more days (brother's b day is the day prior to being induced)

 

Denise

«13

Comments

  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #2
    I'm sorry Denise.  I sure

    I'm sorry Denise.  I sure hope that she will change her mind.  I am sending you a huge hug!

    Sue :(

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
    Ritzy said:

    I'm sorry Denise.  I sure

    I'm sorry Denise.  I sure hope that she will change her mind.  I am sending you a huge hug!

    Sue :(

    I am thinking she'll change

    I am thinking she'll change her mind at the end of the wire when in severe pain...in past she only wanted me to be next to her with the other two...

     

    I am sure other family  members will ask why we are not there or not been? MAKES no sense..no fight, arument etc..

    LIKE i said she can't hurt me ...numb to it...but I WOULD LOVE to hold the baby of couse....the boys may ask her to call me to come SEE their sister..

    Thanks for reply

    Denise

  • coco2008
    coco2008 Member Posts: 418
    #4
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I am thinking she'll change

    I am thinking she'll change her mind at the end of the wire when in severe pain...in past she only wanted me to be next to her with the other two...

     

    I am sure other family  members will ask why we are not there or not been? MAKES no sense..no fight, arument etc..

    LIKE i said she can't hurt me ...numb to it...but I WOULD LOVE to hold the baby of couse....the boys may ask her to call me to come SEE their sister..

    Thanks for reply

    Denise

    I have a daughter much like

    I have a daughter much like yours.  Can suddenly turn on me for no apparent reason or she says it's because of something that happened when she was 13 and I didn't let her do something.  She's 38 now but will not let go of any perceived injustice.  She will be fine and then will all explode.

    Hope the ice melts soon.  She will soon get tired of the kids asking where you are.

    My prayers are with you.

    Sandy

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #5
    coco2008 said:

    I have a daughter much like

    I have a daughter much like yours.  Can suddenly turn on me for no apparent reason or she says it's because of something that happened when she was 13 and I didn't let her do something.  She's 38 now but will not let go of any perceived injustice.  She will be fine and then will all explode.

    Hope the ice melts soon.  She will soon get tired of the kids asking where you are.

    My prayers are with you.

    Sandy

    Sandy:
    YOU said it perfectly.

    Sandy:

    YOU said it perfectly. MINE is stuck in time warp from 10 yrs ago or more (SHE IS 26 now) She doesnt' talk here and now issues.

    I went out last night and got the baby tee shirt (baby sister) and t he boys each BIG BROTHER shirts...GOT the baby misc things (bottles, bibs etc in bag also) All in nice gift bags to take to the hospital IF I am ALLOWED to visit. They are all coming over for 9 yr old birthday. I have the "HOSPITAL gift bags" out next to Birthday stuff. (so my daughter can see I am excited and happy for the new baby and so the boys see as well) I will be able to tell from body language when I tell the boys htey can't open their bags until the hospital tomorrow......if she tenses up I"LL KNOW I can not go.

    I hope she comes to her senses quickly since 24 hrs until maternity ward.

    I LIKE "HOPE THE ICE MELTS" but this is an ICEBERG...lots of melting to do-

    Cool Thanks so much for the reply...makes me feel better...

    Denise

     

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #6
    last night I had shirts for

    last night I had shirts for the Boys (Big Brother) and shirt for baby (little sister) gift bagged each one (getting balloons on way home to attach) Everyone (immediate family) will be over for oldest grandsons b day-i have BABY/Brother gifts bags out where by the birthday stuff...HOPING I can take them to the hospital tomorrow.

    Fingers crossed,,,,eyes and toes and some pixie dust too..

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #7
    Baby is here (born yesterday)

    Baby is here (born yesterday) NO call from my daughter-she dropped her boys off Thursday. I thought she was going to chagne her mind at the last minute but we were not and still have not been allowed to SEE the baby. NO photos, no calls nothing..she llived wth us for over 4 yr until 2 mths ago and now I am banned from  her baby. MY heart is ripped out right now but I have MANY great friends to get me through this.

    thanks for letting me vent

     

    Denise

  • Nana Sue
    Nana Sue Member Posts: 55
    #8
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Baby is here (born yesterday)

    Baby is here (born yesterday) NO call from my daughter-she dropped her boys off Thursday. I thought she was going to chagne her mind at the last minute but we were not and still have not been allowed to SEE the baby. NO photos, no calls nothing..she llived wth us for over 4 yr until 2 mths ago and now I am banned from  her baby. MY heart is ripped out right now but I have MANY great friends to get me through this.

    thanks for letting me vent

     

    Denise

    I can't imagine how this

    I can't imagine how this feels.  My grandchildren are my life!  I pray your daughter will let you see that precious new grandbaby.

    Hugs, Nana Sue

  • andi44
    andi44 Member Posts: 196 Member
    #9
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Baby is here (born yesterday)

    Baby is here (born yesterday) NO call from my daughter-she dropped her boys off Thursday. I thought she was going to chagne her mind at the last minute but we were not and still have not been allowed to SEE the baby. NO photos, no calls nothing..she llived wth us for over 4 yr until 2 mths ago and now I am banned from  her baby. MY heart is ripped out right now but I have MANY great friends to get me through this.

    thanks for letting me vent

     

    Denise

    Denise,

    So very sorry to hear what you're going thru...sending hugs your way...congrats on the new baby...for your benefit and your grand children's - I do hope she comes around soon...

    Andi

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #10
    andi44 said:

    Denise,

    So very sorry to hear what you're going thru...sending hugs your way...congrats on the new baby...for your benefit and your grand children's - I do hope she comes around soon...

    Andi

    She just moved out after 4

    She just moved out after 4 1/2 yrs I TOOK care of her boys daily-while she worked...but for some reason I am not good enough for the baby.

    NO big blow up, no fights when she moved out-yet while she was/ is in the hospital I HADE HER BOYS FOR 4 days-so she trusts me and knows they are all #1 importance.

    I am so brain boggled and so so so HURT...tore my heart out and stepped on it.. I take her sons to Disney and 2-4 vacations a year! So this makes NO sense-I'll never figure it out. IF and when I am allowed I am unsure how to respond-I want to be excited but unsure the out come. I am putting on bowling party for her oldest this weekend (b day) I am sure she will keep baby home so I can't see her. (more then keeping home away from germs)

    Thanks for replies...i just needed to vent while so so so SAD!

    Denise

  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #11
    Oh, darling....my heart is breaking for you!!!

    Such a miracle....sigh....but hopefully, in time, your daughter will change her mind.  (Probably at the first time the baby get colic, and she is at a loss as to what to do with this squalling 'bundle of joy'...*grin*).  

     

    I am wrapping my arms around you, dearest...

     

    Hugs, Kathi

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #12
    KathiM said:

    Oh, darling....my heart is breaking for you!!!

    Such a miracle....sigh....but hopefully, in time, your daughter will change her mind.  (Probably at the first time the baby get colic, and she is at a loss as to what to do with this squalling 'bundle of joy'...*grin*).  

     

    I am wrapping my arms around you, dearest...

     

    Hugs, Kathi

    Kathi:
    thanks it's just a

    Kathi:

    thanks it's just a matter of time...but I WANT to see and hold her now! But I must be patient-I know. JUST hurts so badly.

    Denise

    IF SHE IS trying to  hurt me she found the way to do it big time

     

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #13
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Kathi:
    thanks it's just a

    Kathi:

    thanks it's just a matter of time...but I WANT to see and hold her now! But I must be patient-I know. JUST hurts so badly.

    Denise

    IF SHE IS trying to  hurt me she found the way to do it big time

     

    So sorry

    Have you told her how you feel?  Did she tell you directly that you were not allowed?  Have you asked to see the baby (and yoru daughter)?  This just doesn't sound right.  I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.  I can't imagine.

    Hugs,

    Suzanne

  • lintx
    lintx Member Posts: 697
    #14
    Double Whammy said:

    So sorry

    Have you told her how you feel?  Did she tell you directly that you were not allowed?  Have you asked to see the baby (and yoru daughter)?  This just doesn't sound right.  I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.  I can't imagine.

    Hugs,

    Suzanne

    Denise

     

    I hope this all changes with the best outcome.  Thinking of you.  Hugs, Linda

  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    #15
    disneyfan2008 said:

    She just moved out after 4

    She just moved out after 4 1/2 yrs I TOOK care of her boys daily-while she worked...but for some reason I am not good enough for the baby.

    NO big blow up, no fights when she moved out-yet while she was/ is in the hospital I HADE HER BOYS FOR 4 days-so she trusts me and knows they are all #1 importance.

    I am so brain boggled and so so so HURT...tore my heart out and stepped on it.. I take her sons to Disney and 2-4 vacations a year! So this makes NO sense-I'll never figure it out. IF and when I am allowed I am unsure how to respond-I want to be excited but unsure the out come. I am putting on bowling party for her oldest this weekend (b day) I am sure she will keep baby home so I can't see her. (more then keeping home away from germs)

    Thanks for replies...i just needed to vent while so so so SAD!

    Denise

    Strange

    Denise,

    My heart goes out to you on not being able to see your new grandchild.  It seems a little strange to me that she has no problem with you taking care of her other two and suddenly moves out right before the birth.  Since you haven't had a fight is it possible she may be hiding something from you?  I'm sorry I'm speculating I hope you don't mind.  Are other family members allowed to see the baby?  It seems very odd to me.  I hope she gets over what ever it is and lets you see the baby soon.  Many hugs.

     

    Terry

     

  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #16
    lintx said:

    Denise

     

    I hope this all changes with the best outcome.  Thinking of you.  Hugs, Linda

    Just a theory

    This is just an idea, but maybe she wants to "do" this baby on her own. It sounds like you provided a home and help and were very lovingly involved with her sons. Now she's moved out, as you say, no arguments, no strife. I'm wondering if she's trying to raise this baby on her own, not realizing, of course, that she can do that and still have you see the baby, hold the baby, love the baby. 

    Family can be the greatest joy and the greatest heartbreak.

    I'm glad she hasn't kept your grandsons from you. 

    xoxo

    Victoria

     

     

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #17
    mom62 said:

    Strange

    Denise,

    My heart goes out to you on not being able to see your new grandchild.  It seems a little strange to me that she has no problem with you taking care of her other two and suddenly moves out right before the birth.  Since you haven't had a fight is it possible she may be hiding something from you?  I'm sorry I'm speculating I hope you don't mind.  Are other family members allowed to see the baby?  It seems very odd to me.  I hope she gets over what ever it is and lets you see the baby soon.  Many hugs.

     

    Terry

     

    cousins have all seen the

    cousins have all seen the baby-

    she is predictabley unpredicatble. OUR therapist said it is punishment-not that we don't take wonderful care of the boys. MORE  A control thing-but dug herself deep saying to us "I DO NOT NEED anything from youj"  just the opposite. She wanted her space and when we give it to her we are NO GOOD. could be a chemical imbalance but she will not admit issues-so it is what it is..sadly.

     

    Thanks for reply

    Denise

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #18
    Double Whammy said:

    So sorry

    Have you told her how you feel?  Did she tell you directly that you were not allowed?  Have you asked to see the baby (and yoru daughter)?  This just doesn't sound right.  I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.  I can't imagine.

    Hugs,

    Suzanne

    yes she texted her sister and

    yes she texted her sister and said we were all banned from the hospital. She was mad we FOUND out the baby was born. (LIKE duh dropped boys since being induced not a shock)

    HER cousins actually asked if they were allowed-

    Denise

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #19
    aisling8 said:

    Just a theory

    This is just an idea, but maybe she wants to "do" this baby on her own. It sounds like you provided a home and help and were very lovingly involved with her sons. Now she's moved out, as you say, no arguments, no strife. I'm wondering if she's trying to raise this baby on her own, not realizing, of course, that she can do that and still have you see the baby, hold the baby, love the baby. 

    Family can be the greatest joy and the greatest heartbreak.

    I'm glad she hasn't kept your grandsons from you. 

    xoxo

    Victoria

     

     

    I keep my boundries-when she

    I keep my boundries-when she is home and boys asked to do this and that etc..I would say mom is home go ask her. I am not one to hover and take over the kids. Even when home I cooked for boys-even when she was home-easier for me to do I GUESS.

    9 yr old b birthday party tomorrow at bowling alley-she is leaving the baby home with cousin. I have not seen her since she dropped the boys-I have no idea who she will react. BUT I AM there for my grandson OLNLy..i'll be pleasant when I must have contact. I planned and booked the party (with her permission)

    Denise

  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #20
    I am just so sorry that you

    I am just so sorry that you are having to deal with this!  It is so unfair to keep your new grandchild from you.  Praying she will come to her senses.  Big hugs.

  • cinnamonsmile
    cinnamonsmile Member Posts: 1,187 Member
    #21
    I am like the rest, so so

    I am like the rest, so so sorry your daughter is putting you through this with out a reason. To me it seems like a slap in the face for all you have done for her and her kids. I had no place to go when I left my son's father when he was a baby and had to live at a Women's Shelter for a month before I could get an apartment.

    I sure hope she changes her mind and softens up.

    I don't mean to rub salt in the wounds but she sounds like an ungrateful spoiled child to me.

    I commend  you for taking the high road.

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