3 weeks post radical nephrectomy-feeling emotional

Hi Lorna, I'm 11 weeks post radical neph, right side.  My tumor was 4.7 cm but it's location left no option for a partial.  The largest of my three incisions was about 6 inches, in the shape of a question mark around my belly button.  It was stapled, so no chance it was coming open.  The other two tiny incisions were glued and covered with steri-strips, one of which, came open.  I just lightly covered it with sterile gauze and it healed just fine.  Unlike you, I bawled like a baby when I, quite incidentally, learned I had kidney cancer.  My story, in regards to diagnosis, is a bit different than most.  I live in Oklahoma and have for 35 years.  For the past year and 9 moths my job has me working in Ohio.  My typical schedule is Ohio 8 weeks and home with hubby 1 week, flying back and forth.  While in Ohio, on May 1st of this year, I got sick with a stomach flu.  On the 4th day of being sick, I went to the ER.  The ER doc admitted me for dehydration and ordered a ct scan to rule out pancreatitis.  Sure enough, pancreatitis was ruled out and the Dr agreed my self diagnosis was correct, I had a nasty stomach flu.  The following day during the discharge instructions, the attending doctor, a DO, said "by the way, did anybody mention to you that you have a tiny spot on your right kidney?"  I told him this was the first I'd heard of it and he went on to say, "well it's not that worrisom but you might just want to watch it, maybe have it looked at when you get back home, these things are usually harmless".  That was wonderful!  He wasn't the least bit concerned, there was no sense of urgency in his voice, it was no big deal.  I forgot about it.  Didn't think another thing about it.  The following week, while preparing to return to OKC for my routine visit home to see my husband, I decided I should probably get my medical records from the hospital and take them to my family doctor...just because.  I picked them up on a Monday after work, took them back to my apartment, put them on the counter in the kitchen and began packing.  Later that evening, right before crawling into bed I remembered that I hadn't even looked at my records, so I grabbed them off the counter and sat down on the couch.  The first words that popped off the page were Renal Cell Carcinoma.  I could not believe my eyes.  I checked and double checked the name at the top of each page of the records to be sure they were indeed mine.  Needless to say, sleep did not come to me that night but tears did...and they wouldn't stop.  I had never felt more scared and alone, in my life. I fired up my laptop and my journey began.  That was Monday, May 6th.  Surgery was Wednesday, May 29th.  Pathology revealed Stage 1, Grade 2 Clear Cell RCC.  My emotions have been all over the place, ranging from anger to fear and everything in between.  Right now, I'm in a good place, emotionally speaking.  I have a new lease on life, I'm closer to God than ever before and I have better clarity of what really matters.  I have learned not to sweat the small stuff, not to take the people I love for granted and to always be mindful of the fact that tomorrow is not promissed.  My point is, it took me going thru all these many emotional days and ranges of emotions to come to terms with, not who I was before cancer, but who I have become since cancer and because of cancer.  So, although the emotional rollercoaster you are riding is no doubt, pure hell for you and maybe even those around you, in the end, if you're like me and so many other's I've talked to, it will have been worth the ride to come out on the other side, a better 'you'. 

Your emotions will stabilize as you get stronger physically and are able to resume all of your normal activities.  The more physical you become, the less time you sit around thinking.  Too much 'thinking' just about got the better of me.  Having said that, I am certain the emotions will grab hold of us each time we go for blood work or chest x-rays, ct scans, etc., for the next five years.  But, I know you've heard the saying 'what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger'...it's true, so, hopefully as we anticipate each doctor appointment, we'll do so with a new found strength.

The camaraderie I have found on this forum has been such a blessing.  I don't chime in often but I read everything, or at least try to, and I've learned so much from so many.  In a sick kinda way, it's nice to know I'm not alone...and neither are you.  Hang in there, it does get better!

Sindy

twinthings said:

Normal? Most definitely!

Hi Lorna, I'm 11 weeks post radical neph, right side.  My tumor was 4.7 cm but it's location left no option for a partial.  The largest of my three incisions was about 6 inches, in the shape of a question mark around my belly button.  It was stapled, so no chance it was coming open.  The other two tiny incisions were glued and covered with steri-strips, one of which, came open.  I just lightly covered it with sterile gauze and it healed just fine.  Unlike you, I bawled like a baby when I, quite incidentally, learned I had kidney cancer.  My story, in regards to diagnosis, is a bit different than most.  I live in Oklahoma and have for 35 years.  For the past year and 9 moths my job has me working in Ohio.  My typical schedule is Ohio 8 weeks and home with hubby 1 week, flying back and forth.  While in Ohio, on May 1st of this year, I got sick with a stomach flu.  On the 4th day of being sick, I went to the ER.  The ER doc admitted me for dehydration and ordered a ct scan to rule out pancreatitis.  Sure enough, pancreatitis was ruled out and the Dr agreed my self diagnosis was correct, I had a nasty stomach flu.  The following day during the discharge instructions, the attending doctor, a DO, said "by the way, did anybody mention to you that you have a tiny spot on your right kidney?"  I told him this was the first I'd heard of it and he went on to say, "well it's not that worrisom but you might just want to watch it, maybe have it looked at when you get back home, these things are usually harmless".  That was wonderful!  He wasn't the least bit concerned, there was no sense of urgency in his voice, it was no big deal.  I forgot about it.  Didn't think another thing about it.  The following week, while preparing to return to OKC for my routine visit home to see my husband, I decided I should probably get my medical records from the hospital and take them to my family doctor...just because.  I picked them up on a Monday after work, took them back to my apartment, put them on the counter in the kitchen and began packing.  Later that evening, right before crawling into bed I remembered that I hadn't even looked at my records, so I grabbed them off the counter and sat down on the couch.  The first words that popped off the page were Renal Cell Carcinoma.  I could not believe my eyes.  I checked and double checked the name at the top of each page of the records to be sure they were indeed mine.  Needless to say, sleep did not come to me that night but tears did...and they wouldn't stop.  I had never felt more scared and alone, in my life. I fired up my laptop and my journey began.  That was Monday, May 6th.  Surgery was Wednesday, May 29th.  Pathology revealed Stage 1, Grade 2 Clear Cell RCC.  My emotions have been all over the place, ranging from anger to fear and everything in between.  Right now, I'm in a good place, emotionally speaking.  I have a new lease on life, I'm closer to God than ever before and I have better clarity of what really matters.  I have learned not to sweat the small stuff, not to take the people I love for granted and to always be mindful of the fact that tomorrow is not promissed.  My point is, it took me going thru all these many emotional days and ranges of emotions to come to terms with, not who I was before cancer, but who I have become since cancer and because of cancer.  So, although the emotional rollercoaster you are riding is no doubt, pure hell for you and maybe even those around you, in the end, if you're like me and so many other's I've talked to, it will have been worth the ride to come out on the other side, a better 'you'. 

Your emotions will stabilize as you get stronger physically and are able to resume all of your normal activities.  The more physical you become, the less time you sit around thinking.  Too much 'thinking' just about got the better of me.  Having said that, I am certain the emotions will grab hold of us each time we go for blood work or chest x-rays, ct scans, etc., for the next five years.  But, I know you've heard the saying 'what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger'...it's true, so, hopefully as we anticipate each doctor appointment, we'll do so with a new found strength.

The camaraderie I have found on this forum has been such a blessing.  I don't chime in often but I read everything, or at least try to, and I've learned so much from so many.  In a sick kinda way, it's nice to know I'm not alone...and neither are you.  Hang in there, it does get better!

Sindy

sindy i couldn't have said it better myself..... ;-)

eims x

Eims said:

sindy i couldn't have said it

sindy i couldn't have said it better myself..... ;-)

eims x

Thank you, Eims!!

TillieSOK said:

I left about 21 yrs ago, but

I left about 21 yrs ago, but my remaining sister, my brother, my daughter and various nieces, nephews, and 2 grandsons still live in OK.  It was where I was raised...NE corner of OK...and I still call it home.  There's something about being an Okie.  Both of my kids were born there...my son at Tinker.  

I knew there was something about you I liked, Tillie...You've got okie in your blood!!