So, this is the first Christmas I have ever had without my mom. To top it off, my mom's birthday is on the 26th. It felt so unnatural having those 2 days go by without her. I had the worst dreams about her the evening of Christmas Eve. She stood in front of me, but when I went to talk to her she left the house, so I woke up screaming her name and please dont go, all night long. I feel so numb, it has been 6 months since she has passed and it hasn't gotten any easier. I'm 34 years old and both of my parents are gone. My kids are never going to have all of those wonderful memories that I have. I know I can keep their memory alive by talking about them, and I do, but it's still not the same. I look back and remember all of those sleepless nights and long days or nights in  the hospital......funny thing is that I wish I had those back. Not that I want her to be sick, but I would give anything to just have a talk with her again. I miss her so desperately, there is no love like a mothers love.                             


  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    Hard Firsts

    Those firsts are really hard. First holiday, birthday, etc. I lost my dad 12 years ago and my husband 3 years ago. The special days are still hard for me. I have accepted that they will never be the same, but I still miss them. My grief has mellowed over the years, though. I'm glad you have the good memories. So do I. I appreciate that my family and I can share the stories to keep the memories alive. We are so fortunate to have those memories. My goal now is to keep making memories. if there is one thing I learned from cancer, it is how precious our time with loved ones is. Take care and know that you are not alone. Many of us shed a few tears this time of year.  Fay

  • Wangari
    Wangari Member Posts: 19
    I am terribly sorry for


    I am terribly sorry for your loss. I never thought i'd be able to say it, but it's now been 2years and 3 months since my mum passed away. what I can tell you is that what you are going through, I went throught the same. I would have the dreams about my mum, even have conversations with her and when I would wake up, i'd so so calling out for he or find myself crying. 

    i hated the cliche line that people gave me " IT GETS BETTER" It's not something you want to hear then, but it really does get better. i also find myself wishing for those last moments with her, and liek yousaid, it's not that you want her sick but you just want to have those conversations with her.

    What I regret most, is not spending enough time with her, and telling her that I loved her more often. Hold on to those memories my dear and when it gets too tough, talk to someone. come more often to this group and talk. there's always someone here tolisten and talk.