Feeling lost

is many, many ((HUGS)) to you and prayers for you.  I can't say I'd know what to do in your situation, but I do know how sweet and kind hearted you are.  You've been very nice to me and I truly appreciate it.  If you choose to fight some more...we are right here with you.  You never fight alone and you have the CSN army on your side  Whatever you decide, know that we're all here for you, with you and sending prayers up for you.  

Katie,

You are in a scary place (health wise), with decision not quite clear.  I hope when you line up all your options the positives outweigh the negatives and you are hopeful to fight again.

I’ve read some of your posts on the other forums and I think (I know) how troubled you are.  I hope there is something good just ahead for you.

Your Oregon buddy,

Matt

dear katie, u r allowed 2 feel lost and down sometimes!  that's 2 b expected.  i wish i could give u a big bear hug.  i'm sorry today is so rough 4 u.  i pray it gets better.  sending u lots of prayers and positive thots.  also sending u a cyber hug (  ).

God bless you,

dj

Boy can I relate to your post, I am about a year out od dignoses, but have been fortunate enough to have one clean pet scan under my belt.  The side effects from treatment, are still giving me problems, and one that I am having the hardest time with is the mental struggle, I had just gotten married before being diagnosed, and we dissolved the marriage within this last year, had two sons go to the military, lost my job and my house, feel like I am loosing my mind. I was always so strong almost imortal, then cancer came and showed me my mortality, and I have been really screwed up since. There were a few times during treatment I believed I wouldn't make it through the night, and there were nights where I pounded on deaths door begging it to open, but it wasn't my time. I have to agree that you should reschedule your ENT appointment, it may be scar tissue, and for me knowing is always better than not knowing. I know you had a rough ride, but you were always there for anyone who needed help or advice, let us be there for you now. I too believe in God, or a higher power, and have spent a lot of time thinking about all that has transpired, I have a prayer in my heart for you......

Jim

I can only offer to fight if you can and still have a quality of life you can live with...

That's a tough decision that unfortuantley only you can make or decide...

But I'm here with you, and will be for the long haul...

John

katenorwood said:

Feeling a bit ashamed....

Tracy                Matt             John

Sunshine          DJ                 Cheri                   Debbie

Thank you for being in my corner always....sometimes it gets overwhelming.  I'm a fighter at heart and will continue to be.  I can and will figure this out. 

Hondo,

You have been an inspiration to me, and seeing you in that picture only wants me to fight this demon all the more !  Yes...I hear your words, and am taking them to heart my friend !

P,

I love the analogy you used.....I say quack, quack....alot now !  I get a couple months of freedom, and pow in the kisser I get it again.  This post sounded like a poor me thing, I didn't want that to happen.  It's not me...just the darn circumstances.

Jim,

I defineately have the feelings you do.  There have been moments throughout that I wanted to say NO MORE !  But most days I muddle through, and think o.k. I made it this far.  In actuality guessing it's kind of out of my hands.  I can make the best possible decissions on tx's...if they are available.  And then the rest is up to my maker.  I did put it in his hands awhile back...as I never could handle all this entails without my faith.

You people always amaze me.....you are such caring, loving people.  And I thank God for you all each and every day !    Katie              

Maybe the post sounded a little poor me to you when you reread it....I didn't pick that up.....(and gawd knows if there was, who cares....everybody deserves a little of that around here!!!).....I heard you saying what you felt....what was going thru your head....the stuff that unless it gets poured out somewhere tends to grow and become more than any human can bear....Spill your guts, girl....it's good for the soul.

p

Kate,

I cannot fathom what you're going through. I've been asked many times since this journey started what I would do should I be in the same situation. I really don't know! Reading your post and seeing hwt's recent post as well as other's facing bad news makes my heart sink and skip a beat, especially in light of my upcoming scan. 

I can only hope, should it be my fate, that I will handle things with the grace that you do. Please see your doctors. They can help with aleviating symptoms and making you more comfortable.

All I can do is offer my prayers and positive thoughts. 

"T"

VanessaSLO said:

Dearest Katie,

like others have said - I mean all of that! Don't give up, fight, fight, fight!! Look at Hondo's wonderful picture! You have your family so please, don't give up!! Look at your grandchildren and let them give you the needing strength! You were always here for all of us like a sunshine! When my Dad was going thru his treatment last year, your warm and supporting words helped me to feel protected, to feel loved and with knowledge that someone over there virtually supports me and gives me strength!!

You're one of the sweetest people I met here on this board! Please, call those doctors and DO fight some more! God will bless you, because I believe that good things happen to good people! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers! God bless you and your family!

Keep paddling with me...........

I am sure you are scared and I can see myself doing the same thing, not that it would be the right thing to do but I can see myself doing it. My grandchildren were one of my biggest inspirations to fight thru my treatment. Wanting to be here for all of their big and little moments, I don't want to miss a one. So that being said, I think I would get myself to the doctor, remember it isn't cancer until they say it is. Praying for you.